How To Save Your Marriage

Marriage is a blessing from God

2010-08-14T22:08:00.000-07:00

I heard the mass today and it really inspired me be responsible and strive hard to have a happy and complete family. Marriage is a sacred sacrament. Husband and wife took a vow not only to each other but also to God. Death can only separate them and no other thing or person can interfere and destroy their marriage. Divorce maybe rightful in human law but not in the law of God. God made the law in marriage and no once should reverse it or break it. You're making a sin by having divorce because it is God's law, it's sacred and you made vows with God. Every relationship encounter difficulties and hard times, if there's a problem, talk about it. Divorce is not a solution, you're just running away from the problem and it will get worse, believe me, especially on the kids. Hold on to your vows, accept one another wholeheartedly because you'll have each other till the end. Learn to forgive. Bring your pride down, it won't help in your relationship. Communication is the key, though it's tiring at work try to have a little talk at dinner or before going to sleep. Never neglect each others needs, have a date once in a while to rekindle the love you had. Bond with your family, stay at home with them, watch dvd, go to mall together or hear mass every sunday, it makes a big difference. Set your family and marriage on top of your priority lists. At the end of the day, your family is the most important thing in your life, through ups and downs they'll be the ones you can lean on and that can give you your true happiness.

Put God in the center of your relationship. Nothing is impossible to God, so always believe in Him. Lift everything to him, have faith. Make your relationship work no matter what. Many trials are coming ahead of you so be strong and be ready. Love one another and you will prosper. God bless everyone.

Tips for getting through the hard times in a marriage

2010-07-26T23:55:00.000-07:00

Tips for getting through the hard times in a marriage. The fact of life is that marriage is not easy. Most marriages have lots of rough spots. These rough spots can cause one of two things to happen. They can either make the marriage stronger, or they can ruin it. Which it is for you, is up to you.

What your rough spots are will vary. For some it is money, for others cheating or insecurity, for others a death, or birth, etc. So, it would be wise to prepare yourself for rough spots of all varieties as the old adage goes, "It is better to be prepared for tough times and not have them than to have tough times and not be prepared."

The following are some tips for getting through the hard times in a marriage with a stronger relationship rather than one that is ruined:

Don't worry, be happy. The person who sits and waits for something bad to happen will surely find it. You should not try and fix something that is not broken. The fact of the matter is that worrying does more damage than good. So, instead of wasting time and energy worrying, you should look at hope, and find solutions. Worry gets you no where, and worse, it puts up road blocks for when you try to go somewhere.

Patience is a virtue. Patience is one of the smartest attributes you can have if you are worried about going through tough times in your marriage. It is sort of like a cure all. If you can be patient and not let stress sway you into losing perspective. Being patient enough to get through the hard times without being overly wound or stressed will help you to keep adversity from damaging your relationship. Part of patience is seeing that hard times are not someone's fault but part of life, and if you are patient you will know that blame and criticism of your spouse will get you no where but in a broken marriage. Sarcasm is the like the opposite of patience, so do not let sarcasm take over your life.

Be quick to forgive. Sometimes hard times bring out the worst in us, and we can start to hate, blame, and hurt the people we profess to love. You have to recognize that your upset feelings are like a disease that can infect your relationship if you let it. If you do not take necessary precautions, you will let resentment, frustration and hate take the place that love, kindness, and understanding should be. So, forgive mistakes, be open armed and ready to accept people despite their imperfections, you have them too. You make mistakes and need forgiveness occasionally as well, so don't be selfish with your forgiveness, give openly.

Laugh at yourself. Believe it or not if you can find humor, even if it is just irony, when hard times fall, your relationship will be much stronger. Do your best to find humor in the challenge you are facing. If you can do this, you can survive it. If you learn to laugh at the situation, you will learn to have hope for something better.

Join forces. When something bad happens you should not seclude yourself, rather you should join forces. You and your spouse are a team, and what better time to stand together than against adversity? If you commit to one another that even during the hard times you will stick with each other, and if you remind one another of your promise to endure you will likely find that your relationship can withstand a lot more, and you will become closer, stronger, and more united because of the experiences. It is common to brood, withdraw from each other, etc. Instead you should practice turning to each other instead of away when crisis hits.

The following is a simple list of things that you should remember during hard times in your marriage if you want it to work.

   1. Don't blame each other.

   2. Be slow to judge and quick to forgive.

   3. Remind yourself that the tough times won't last forever and that there is a rainbow after the rain.

   4. Don't have a negative attitude, it gets you no where.

   5. Ask for help from family and friends when possible.

   6. Remember your love and commitment to each other and remind each other of it often.

   7. Exercise and getting plenty of sleep so you are not as stressed.

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All marriages undergo different trials, just be strong and let love fix everything. Understanding is a big factor. Remember, that it's not just about yourself you have to consider your partner and most of all your kids.

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A heart-broken story

2010-07-10T19:09:00.000-07:00

Last monday (July 5), my friend texted me late at night which contains a very sad news, our friend, May's husband, Mark, died that afternoon. It really made me sad because they got married April 2010 and have a premature baby who spent almost 2 months in the hospital. We visited May yesterday and as usual she still had the strong personality in her like nothing happened with her husband, maybe the situation didn't sink in her mind as of the moment. She told us what happen and it really break our hearts. On the hospital looking at their daughter, May told Mark that their baby is fighting to live and that Mark should make his self healthy for their child because he look so sick. Mark told May that he was giving his strength to their baby. When their baby got out of the hospital that was the time her husband feel sick and the saddest part is that he never had the moment to carry, embrace and take good care of his daughter due to the sensitive health condition of his daughter. The only thing he did ONCE was to hold his baby's feet and from his room he would just look at their daughter being carried by May on the other room. May's father told her that maybe Mark saved them from death because she was pre-eclamsia when giving birth to Yohan and never thought she would live and now Yohan is healthy and recovering her appetite. Maybe his mission is ended there. He died with severe pneumonia.

Life is so mysterious. We never know what will happen minute or hours later, tomorrow or next month. Maybe we should learn to live our life as if it was our last. God planned everything even we were not yet conceived. Just be thankful for every morning we wake up because He still give us the opportunity to enjoy life and do our mission in this earth.

Healthy Ways to Say I Love You

2010-04-13T05:41:00.000-07:00

Keeping Your Relationship Strong & Vibrant

Learn how to say "I love you" with more than words. These 15 relationship tips will keep your partner happy & your love alive. Good practice even if you're still waiting!

Finding practical, meaningful ways to say "I love you" can be challenging – especially when your actions speak louder than words. Showing love regularly is a worthwhile habit since healthy relationships reduce stress, improve perspective, and boost the immune system. If you learn how to say I love you, you'll benefit from a sweeter relationship.

These relationship tips aren't just for lovers - they affect relationships with friends, siblings, parents, and even mothers-in-law! If you're still waiting for the love of your life, these healthy ways to say I love you will help you get off on the right foot when the time is right.

15 healthy ways to say I love you:

   1. Flow with the ups and downs. Sometimes you’re in a lousy mood, hurt, stressed, or need to be alone; the same goes with your partner. Every relationship has ups and downs. As long as there's no physical or emotional abuse, learn to ride the valley to the next peak. That's a huge way to say "I love you": trust in your relationship and have faith that the rocky or even boring times will pass.
   2. Forgive. Forget. Don't bring the past into your current discussions or problems. Say I love you by letting go of past mistakes and disappointments.
   3. Accept your partner's beliefs about relationships. You may have a different or even conflicting view about the way relationships "should" work. Talk about your different expectations and find common ground.
   4. Speak up for your needs. Forget the "If you loved me, you'd know," game or expect your partner to read your mind. If you don’t state your needs, you can't get angry or frustrated at your partner for not meeting them. Say I love you by being open and honest.
   5. Don't be afraid to disagree. Having different perspectives won't ruin your relationship, but abuse, name-calling, and criticism will. Learn how to accept that your partner disagrees with you and still say "I love you."
   6. Ask questions. Maybe you don't understand why your partner usually forgets your birthday or leaves dirty socks everywhere but in the laundry hamper. Ask why. Getting to the root of the behavior provides more insight than complaining about it. Say I love you by being curious!
   7. Face problems as they arise. Don't ignore problems or let your resentment simmer. Be honest about how you feel, and try to understand your partner's motivations.
   8. Listen carefully. Saying "I love you" involves truly listening to your partner's concerns – without judging them. Often we just need someone to hear us, and to try to see things from our perspective.
   9. Have fun together! Figure out what makes you laugh and incorporate those movies, jokes, or activities into your life regularly. Respect that your sense of humor may be different than your partner's.
10. Work hard to stay close. When you're married or committed for the long term, you may drift apart especially when children, the mundane routine, or financial struggles arise. Learning how to say "I love you" no matter how difficult life is will keep your relationship strong.
11. Update your dreams regularly and keep your partner involved. When you include your partner, you're clearly saying "I love you."
12. Be the first to apologize. The more you both try to smooth the bumps, the happier you'll both be. Say I love you by being willing to make up, forgive, and forget.
13. Nurture your self-respect & self-esteem. Be someone you like and respect. Find meaningful work, get involved in the community or church, and pursue professional and personal growth. Explore your interests and passions, and share your life with your partner.
14. Cooperate. Don't expect your partner to take the full load – whether it's with the kids, housecleaning, relating to relatives, earning money, or investing. Say I love you by going out of your comfort zone!
15. Examine bad relationships. Why do you keep choosing the wrong partner or end up in addictive relationships? Do you make the same mistakes repeatedly? Knowing how to say "I love you" may not effective if you're in the wrong relationship.

Since actions speak louder than words, you can say "I love you" with most of your behaviors at home -- and in public!

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They say action speaks louder than words, it's so true. But sometimes expressing your love through words makes you feel loved and confident that your loved one really appreciates and loves you. Men are not vocal in expressing what they feel, maybe girls should made them realize and get used to in saying what they really feel.

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Tips For Maintaining A Happy Marriage

2010-04-03T22:57:00.000-07:00

1. To disagree Lovingly
This means being focused, fair and objective when putting across your points. Use an even and non-accusatory tone. Avoid personal attacks and finger pointing, instead channel your negative energy to constructive problem solving.

2. Define your Roles and Responsibilities early on
With double incomes the norm in modern families, the line between 'his' and 'her' role is thus blurred, and misunderstandings can arise as to who is supposed to do what. So prioritise your tasks base on your needs and abilities. Generally, the person who can get the job done more efficiently takes on the task. Be fair and don't overload one spouse.

3. Think the Best of your partner
A healthy dose of give and take can go a long way in avoiding petty arguments. Trust your partner, have faith that he or she has only the best intentions, and will make the right decisions. When a husband chooses to protect and affirm his wife, she will reciprocate by becoming his faithful friend. This is the secret to great marital bliss and fulfilment, when two stand united and committed as one.

4. Be aware of Gender differences
Blame it on our evolution as man and woman. We are designed and programmed to play different but complementary roles to each other. Couples need to acknowledge these differences and accept them instead of trying to change each other at the core.

5. Schedule exclusive You and Me time
Husband and wife personal time can be 15 minutes after dinner on a daily basis, complemented by a date night every month, and a longer weekend getaway every half a year. One couple say they plan an annual retreat by checking into a local hotel, minus the kids. Besides spending quality time together, they review their married life over the last 12 months, and strategise for the upcoming year as a couple. To them, marriage is a long term investment which needs consistent, conscious and careful planning.

6. Take an interest in your partner's Well Being
Many times, we miss the forest for the trees in our relationships. Most physical ailments are indicators of unresolved emotional issues. Couples must take active interest in each other's emotional health as it will fortify the physical well being and enhance the marriage.

7. Know yourself Better
If you know what makes you happy, and can communicate this to your spouse, it gives him or her the opportunity to accept and support you for who you really are, and love you for yourself.

8. Count to 10 before you Lash out in Anger
Very often, it is not what your say that will make your partner angry, it is how you say it. The closer the relationship you have with someone, the more difficult it is to be objective in hearing your partner's view, especially when it is communicated negatively. So whenever you feel challenged in a situation, step back and count to 10 before continuing the argument. This gives you time to compose yourself and think things through.

9. Don't go to bed Angry with each other
Anger and ill feeling have a way of festering over time. It is always advisable to sort out any differences as soon as possible, that is, after both parties have cooled down, and are ready to proceed to the discussion and problem solving stage.

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Having problems in a relationship because of your differences are most couples going through. Don't give up. Try to be calm and try to fix things as early as you can. Try to understand each others differences and accept one another.

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Three simple tips to save your marriage

2010-03-26T08:04:00.000-07:00

Those traveling the road of marriage can have some difficulties at times. It can take an enormous amount of work for your marriage to thrive, and even then sometimes it can fail. Our world today is full of split up couples, broken marriages, and divorce as a result of ill managed relationships and marriages. To keep this from happening in your marriage, take the steps necessary for saving your marriage.

Three simple tips to save your marriage

Look and listen
Talk
Do

Look at those around you in your family. Be watchful with both your eyes and ear of signs of trouble. Do you sense tension between you and your spouse? Make a list the problems you believe exist in your marriage. This will help you gain a prospective of the real problems rather than an all encompassing everything is wrong. The next step is to come up with solutions to your problems. Yes, that is correct you should have more than one solution possibility for each problem.

Prepare to have a conversation with you spouse about the problems and solutions in a calm manner. Be prepared for how the conversation will go and what the reactions might be. Keeping your cool will help keep the conversation going in a positive direction. With that settled you can ask your partner in a pleasant manner if they would have a conversation about something very important.

This conversation should include asking for your partners input as well as sharing your thoughts. Blame should not be a part of the conversation.

Together you can identify solutions to the problems. Be open to consider any solutions your partners shares along with your own solutions. The end result should be solutions you both take ownership of and agree together by compromise.
The last tip is to do. After the talking is done, it is time to put the action behind the solutions. Both of you must follow through on your plan by the necessary actions. This should be done with sincerity. Help each other through the process. If follow through with the actions become a problem, look for relook at the situations for a better more realistic solution. But first make sure everything has been done to try to follow the established plan. Do not give up too quickly or easily. Most things can be accomplished with good attitude and a little motivation.

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Saving your marriage is a responsiblity for both couple. It has to be given time, courage, willingness, trust and love.

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My married life

2010-03-20T18:53:00.000-07:00

I've been married for about 1 year and 10 months, long, long way to go. My husband is out of the country so we just spent 2 months and 3 weeks together as a married couple. That's really hell and it really made us so depressed because we got little time to enjoy our honeymoon stage and life together as husband and wife. They say that your first year is the adjustment stage and yet we haven't been to that because it's different when you're on the same house that's the time to get to know each other better. I wish that we could spent our time together now, I wish we could be together for us to experience the beauty of marriage.

Though we're apart, misunderstandings and quarrels are still part of our relationship and it's so hard to fix things up because we are not together. Pride should be left out because we wanted to make our relationship work. On those trouble times, I feel like dying. It kills me to think that we have problem and we got no time to talk it over because he have to go to work and we have different time zone but we make sure that we talk about it but for me I want to settle it on the same moment but it's impossible I have to wait and make my self suffer for some time. It would be easier to mend our problems if we were together but still I'm just thinking that it's God's way of making us stronger and tougher. We've gone through so much pain, heartaches, stress, depression, anxieties and happy moments even we're apart. God has He's own plans and I'm lifting everything to him.

We got long way to go and I'm hoping that soon we'll have each other again and have a wonderful life together.

A Reminder of Love - Renewing Marriage Vows

2010-03-13T01:00:00.000-08:00

Renewing marriage vows is one of the most loving, romantic and memorable thing a couple can do for each other. The process of going through a wedding to rekindle the moment you offered your whole being to one another is heart warming and reinforces your devotion to each other. It's a good way to celebrate your 10th or even 20th wedding anniversary. It is especially memorable if you are doing it to celebrate your 50th year. You can also do that if you never got wedded in church before or if your first ceremony was not really what you would consider your dream one.

If, due to the fact that you were just starting out your careers, you had a simple ceremony, now that you're financially stable, you can opt to renewing marriage vows in a grand and ornate manner, an occasion that both of you deserves. Another reason for renewing marriage vows as a way to strengthen your union after surviving tough times and as a symbol to others that you are still going strong together. However, both parties must be into this so its meaning is not lost-it won't work if one of you is not up to it. Also, renewing marriage vows is not a show of one-up-man-ship.

Marriage is a sacred vow and should not be taken lightly just because you want to make others jealous or you want to be the center of attention. The ceremony can be an intimate and solemn yet candid occasion. There are somewhat fewer rules to follow, unlike in your first wedding. This occasion's focus is solely on what you have to say to each other as you renew your love for one another. By all means have your children and close friends attend the renewing marriage vows ceremony to make it a truly close and personal celebration. Organize renewing marriage vows, as you would any other big event.

Make a plan of the event, much like you did in your first wedding. You don't have to go as far as hiring a wedding planner but don't hesitate to get assistance if needed. Plan what you want on that day including the budget, the location, the theme, and even where the second reception will be held. While there may be some stress, it can be lessened if the rest of your family pitches in, especially your children. As this is your own private little party you can really customize it according to your liking as long as the important stuff are there.

This is means that you can do without having any groomsmen and bridesmaid and since you are already legally married having a clergy or a judge to officiate your ceremony can be optional. And needless to say bachelor or bachelorette parties are out although you may hold get together parties. And of course you don't solicit for gifts. Older couples, especially those that have been together 50 years or more can be extravagant in renewing marriage vows because if you've been together 50 years that truly deserves a celebration. In renewing marriage vows, just be sure it's from the heart-the more sincere and heartfelt it is, the more unforgettable it will be for everyone.

This is the time to show your spouse and the people around you how much you genuinely love and cherish your partner, so make the most out of it. Shout to the world how great you life is by having a great partner.

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Love in any relationship is very important and it's always better to renew it by giving each other more time to bond together and discover different things on each other. This may help to save your relationship.

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Save Marriage - Managing Individual Differences to Save a Marriage From Divorce

2010-03-05T21:19:00.000-08:00

As humans, we are bound to have differences either in opinion, utterance, or actions. We view issues from different perspectives as a result of our different orientations, society, exposure, skills, knowledge, upbringing, family background etc. These individual differences may lead our marriage into divorce if not properly managed.

The menace of individual differences in marriage may come in the following forms:

1) The stubborn adherence to one's own opinion or position on the part of one or both partners on a particular issue. This will lead to defending this position or opinion, prevailing on other to accept it or holding it against them, thereby carrying out discussion in a contentious manner in order to gain upper hand.

2) Dissension: This is when a dispute becomes severe and harsh, when the only concern of each partner in the marriage is getting better than the other. There is no concern for finding out the truth or clarifying what is right.

To therefore guide couples against these aforementioned menace and lead them towards the path of effectively managing individual opinion differences in marriage, the following must be first properly understood:

- If differences of opinion operates in a healthy framework, it would enrich each partner and stimulate intellectual development. It would help to expand perspectives and help look at problems and issues in their wider and deeper ramifications and with greater precision and thoroughness.

- If intentions are sincere, differences of opinion could bring about greater awareness of the various possible aspects and interpretations of issues.

On understanding this, couples should take advantage of their opinion differences instead of allowing it to split their marriage. To actualize this, each partner must have the following ethics:

PATIENCE Patience in relating with others is something that is difficult. However, it cannot be compromised if couples must stay together. There is need for patience in convincing the other partner about a particular view point, patience at the face of provocation from one's partner, patience on the part of a partner in carrying out a responsibility allotted by the marriage bond, patience in calling others to action.

Patience with oneself is also very important. Each partner must know his/her self in matter of strength and weaknesses and learn how to overcome the weaknesses. This will help not to stick to extreme positions where there are easier options so as to carry the other partner along.

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE Love comes in different forms such as the romantic love, Hollywood-style love etc. The type of love needed in this case is the unconditional love. It is the type of love that holds the relationship when the romantic, Hollywood-style love is gone. Once the romantic love is gone you make the transition to "real" love. Real love is love you have for your partner despite the knowledge that they are not perfect. You know your partner has faults and makes mistakes sometimes, but that's okay. You still love them. This is unconditional love.

The same thing applies to you however in looking at your partner's faults. You acknowledge that you are the same. You have faults, not perfect and make mistakes sometimes, but that's okay. That's called self-acceptance, and you expect unconditional love to overcome the faults and imperfections.

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For me acceptance and understanding are the key to mend individual differences. Saving a marriage is a difficult situation in life but I guess if we try to accept each others differences it could work out.

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How to Increase Intimacy in Your Marriage

2010-03-01T20:19:00.000-08:00

There is a common misconception about intimacy. Most people hear the word intimacy and think of sex. And while sexual intimacy is certainly a form of closeness and expression in a marriage, it is not all there is to intimacy. Becoming closer to the one you love is a lifelong process. Just as you grow and change over a lifetime, so does your spouse. Because of this, your intimacy will change and grow as well if you put the time and effort into caring for it on a daily basis.

Intimacy involves at its core a great deal of trust. You must have faith that your partner values the deepest parts of you in order to share them. So if you are having a real problem with intimacy, you may want to examine your ideas about trust and any obstacles that stand in the way of trust in your marriage. Some people bring an innate fear of intimacy into the marriage and find it difficult to move past this fear and continue to grow with the relationship. This is a good time to seek some professional counselling to move beyond this block.

If you find that your spouse is the one with a fear of intimacy, encourage them to seek professional help as they discover the roots of this issue and the positive steps they can take to affirm trust in your relationship. It is important not to blame a lack of intimacy on any one person. You may be tempted to place blame on your partner for a lack of sexual intimacy or a lack of emotional intimacy. Understand, however, that all human beings need intimacy with other human beings. So if your spouse is having trouble establishing that intimacy, it is not due to stubbornness or even conscious choice in some cases, but rather to unconscious patterns and fears.

If you can have an open discussion with your partner about increasing intimacy without placing blame and pointing fingers, do so. If you have trouble seeing where you play a part in the intimacy of your marriage, you might try talking it over with your partner and a mediator or life coach. Often, a third party can be a great facilitator to finding new and creative ways to move beyond your seeming limitations and fears.

Once you have decided to take some action to increase the intimacy in your marriage, there are some simple ways to do this. First, begin by remembering the aspects of your partner that you appreciate and spend time on these things. If you love the creative mind of your partner, try enrolling in a class where you can both express your creative side. Allow yourselves to bond in this new way.

If you love the intelligence or quick wit of your partner, try going to new entertainment sources rather than the same old places. Visit theatres and art film houses that offer exciting and mentally stimulating fare. You will engender opportunities for great conversation and new feelings of admiration in one another afterward.

For increased sexual intimacy, try returning your lovemaking to a spiritual level. Think about the first time you made love after you told each other you loved one another. Do you remember the spiritual intensity of that experience? Focus on recreating that by creating a loving and romantic atmosphere before lovemaking. Also try techniques that emphasize spirituality in lovemaking, such as tantric breathing exercises.

With a little bit of effort, you can increase intimacy in your marriage and start a new season of growth in your own life.

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Intimacy is very important in marriage. Both of you should enjoy each other and maintain your intimacy. Take time for each other and explore new things together.

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10 Ways to Save Your Marriage

2010-02-26T19:01:00.000-08:00

Sometimes as you are standing at the sink in the kitchen doing the dishes again, you just can't help but notice how nice your neighbor's patio is. You peek out back, to the space where your own patio could be, one day, with that outdoor couch set and the huge umbrella and lots of tropical trees strategically placed. But alas, you see grass, well sort of grass, maybe more mud than grass. And then it begins- you begin to notice the nicks in the walls from little matchbox cars, maybe a crayon or two going down the hallway, the dirty laundry pile which appears to be growing before your eyes...and you start to wonder, "Really, this is it?"

You see it didn't start out this way. You bought the house after an exhaustive search. You were excited and energized. You picked out paint colors together. You searched and found furniture for 'the perfect' spot. You happily hung pictures of new collages and arranged the pantry and bought the linens. You were busy creating a home. Eventually however, the paints are long put away, and the walls start to show their wear.

It seems to me, marriage is a lot like this house we make a home. We begin with excitement and a great spirit of hope for our future. We work feverishly to begin a life together. Eventually things settle in, and life happens. It seems to me this is when a perfectly good marriage begins to show its wear. I now long for the twenties, when I went to a lot of weddings, or the early thirties when I went to a lot of Christenings. The late thirties seem to involve a lot of divorce. So here is a bit of my perspective, which I wish that some of these same people would consider before they spend the rest of their life fighting over their children:

1. Get Over Yourself!: "I have a right to be happy"....No, You don't. Happiness is earned, and it has a lot to do with how hard you are willing to work for it.

2. Take Time: Do you go to the gym? Do you play an intramural sport? Do you go to classes to further your career? These are things you are doing to work on something. It's a concerted effort. Try giving your marriage a concerted effort. Guys- remember when you courted your wife? You worked on it. Now you need to work on it again.

3. Be Interested: When was the last time you showed interest in what your spouse does in their work life, spare time or home life?

4. Learn Something New Together: Discovering new territories of your relationship require you to change your perspective. Take a class together- online bible study, online cooking class, couples dancing class, online massage??? Figure it out.

5. Remember Why You Got Married: Stop fighting and remember back to why you got together in the first place. Look at old pictures and old journals. There was a reason you fell in love, find it.

6. Do Special Things for Each Other: Do one of the chores from your spouses list. Laundry is my domain, and I came home last night to about 6 loads folded and put away. It showed me that my husband truly loves me/has pity for me when I really need it.

7. Make Your Marriage a Priority: Sundays are my husbands only day off work, so I protect it like a Momma Bear. It's sacrosanct. I make no plans or commitments for the family. It's strictly our day as a family together. Treat your marriage like that.

8. Schedule Alone Time: Go away alone together once a year. If you can't afford it, have family or friends take your children for the night, and make your home a little escape for the night with lots of candles and great takeout- but no chores allowed.

9. Have Lots of Sex: Dr. Oz thinks our country is in a sex crisis cause we aren't having enough of it. Girls remember, sometimes sex is like running- you don't want to do it, you don't want to do it, then you do it, and you are like "Wow, why don't I do that more often?" Get creative, and do it, a lot of it.

10. Be Friends: Remember when you first started dating and were first married? Your spouse should be your best friend. He should be the first person you want to call when you have good news. If he's not, then you have a warning sign that attention is required!

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Saving your marriage is a big responsibility. Both of you should understand each other's opinion, have a date maybe once a week so you can talk about your family and relationship.

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Relationships : Stop Your Divorce Save Your Marriage - Don't Give Up

2010-02-22T07:35:00.000-08:00

(SkyNewswire.com)--- Mending a relationship is not impossible. You just need to use a little common sense. But during times like this, most often our emotions take over and our minds take a back seat. Don't let that happen. Unless you are in control, your emotions can literally ruin everything for you.

#1 Stay calm
That is the very first step. Be composed and unruffled. Say to yourself that this marriage is going to work no matter what. You are going to save your marriage at all costs, and you are going to do that with your head, not your heart. You are not going to let your emotions take over. On the other hand, you're going to think and methodically act to reverse the situation. Many people just break down and cry without ever doing anything constructive. Don't be like them. You are going to act mature and ensure that this marriage is going to work for you, come what may. In case your partner likes to see you break down emotionally, they'll be in for a surprise this time.

#2 Get your act together
Focus on yourself for sometime. Go shopping. Get some nice clothes. Start to look attractive. When your partner sees you the next time, they should be shocked. In fact they should want you desperately. There is a lot of power in looking good. Use that to your advantage. You did when you were dating, right?! The chemistry worked back then. You just forgot all about it. It is time once again to start looking great. Make your partner desire you all over again. An outward change is a reflection of a change happening deep inside. Let them know that something has changed on the inside, and you need to do it in a noticeable but attractive way.

#3 Analyze
Take stock of the situation. Without any kind of bias, try to objectively see what really went wrong. If you need to take some time off and go some place, do it if that would help. List the things that you or your partner did wrong that contributed to the problem. Beside each of those points, write down what the right action should have been, so that you can follow that when it happens again. When you get back together again, these situations might arise once again. But since you have an idea about the right kind of response, you will be able to handle it positively.

#4 Establish contact
Once you have changed yourself and analyzed the problem, its time to talk, especially if you've not been seeing each other for a while. But please don't talk about the problem or about setting things right. This is just going to be a casual talk. It is dating time once again. You're just allowing them to set eyes on you once again.

#5 Exude confidence
Instead of begging and pleading them to come back, act confident and stay aloof for a while. Don't be snobbish or vengeful; just be confident and friendly. You'd be surprised to see that they want to be with you more than ever before.

Follow these steps methodically and you can have your partner back for keeps. I know that you would do anything to get them back. I am just helping you do it the right way. There is more help on the next page, in the form of a video and some quick tips to start the recovery process right away. Save Your Marriage right now!

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Effort to save your marriage is a big factor. Every problem can be solved, just talk about it and try to settle it as early as you can. You can save your marriage, there's no other time but now.

Source

52 Fantastic Dates For Fearless Married Couples

2010-02-13T23:18:00.000-08:00

You mean we still have to date? Couples looking to renew their relationships ask this question all of the time. The answer is are sounding YES!!! It's the best way to ward off infidelity and alack of satisfaction with your relationship.

Think about it. Wasn't that the most interesting time in your relationship? You and your spouse were just getting to know one another and everything was fresh and new.

If you want to keep the spark in your marriage, sometimes you have to act as though you're still dating. No kids, no bills, no work. Nothing to distract you from getting to know each other a little better.

Here are 52 ideas for great dates. One for each week of the year. I'm not saying that's how often you should go out. I'm just providing some fuel for your fire.

And notice-- not once do I mention movies. No matter how fun they are, it's time to broaden your scope. From daring to romantic, here they are:

1. Visit a Safari park
2. Be tourists again, and tour your local historic site.
3. Go to the museum
4. Take in a play
5. Ride bikes in the park and have a picnic
6. Go roller skating/blading
7. Try your hand at bowling
8. Check out the planetarium
9. Take a cooking class together
10. Swim at the beach or lake
11. Go to an amusement park
12. Sing karaoke
13. Play pool
14. Get salsa lessons-- or try the tango
15. Fly a kite
16. Go rock climbing-- indoors or out
17. Hear some cool jazz
18. Try a poetry slam
19. Go line dancing
20. Try some tapas
21. See an opera
22. Check out a baseball game
23. Go to a book signing
24. Become putt-putt golf pros
25. Drive a race car
26. Play video games at an arcade
27. Walk along the pier
28. Ride in a glider
29. Run a race
30. Go to a hockey game
31. Eat at a Brazilian steakhouse
32. Solve clues at a mystery dinner theatre
33. Laugh at a comedy club
34. Embark on a dinner cruise
35. Make your personalized teddy bears
36. Find fish fascinating at the aquarium
37. Take a hike
38. Grab a cup of coffee and a decadent treat
39. Check out a concert under the stars
40. Feed each other fondue
41. Take a hot air balloon ride
42. Visit a vineyard
43. Treat yourself to the spa
44. Curl up next to a fire and read to each other
45. Be pampered at a bed & breakfast
46. Sit for a portrait
47. Go skiing
48. Ride in a helicopter
49. Catch the carnival while it's in town
50. Go antiquing (or junkin' depending upon your perspective)
51. Watch 'em ride at the rodeo
52. Make memories in an art/photography class

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If you're still clueless what to do with your husband and wife this Valentines day, now you can choose on the above choices and you'll definitely have a wonderful date.

Source

An inspiring story

2010-02-05T22:38:00.000-08:00

I just want to share this short inspiring story. I hope it will touch your hearts and give more attention to your relationship with your husband and wife.

To those who are married, .. Not married .. and soon to be married, I hope you will be touched with this story...

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning.. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully..

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead.. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.

7 Innovative Ways to Save Your Marriage

2010-01-29T23:22:00.000-08:00

Are you in a tough spot in your marriage right now? Every relationship has its problems and its rough patches, but that doesn't mean that you need to give up when the going gets tough. For many couples, they can actually work through their problems to create a stronger relationship. Sometimes the hard times are actually learning lessons in disguise. Here are just a few tips for getting started on the right foot.

Listen

There's nothing more damaging to a relationship than a partner that doesn't take the time to listen. In fact, that fact alone might be the thing that has led to the feelings of dissatisfaction with a marriage. In order to be a good partner (on either end), you need to be able to remain quiet and talk through problems until both partners are satisfied. Be quiet when they are speaking and try to really listen to what they are saying.

Understand

But listening only goes so far when you're trying to work out problems in you relationship. If you do not really understand where they are coming from, you might be creating more problems. When they are expressing themselves, you want to ask questions when appropriate in order to clarify what they are saying to you. Even if it seems uncomfortable at first, it's important that you make sure that you understand where they are at and how you might be able to help.

A positive attitude

Why start off a rough patch by thinking that it will never get any better no matter what you do? When you're trying to work through problems and issues, you will want to make sure that you're going into it with a positive attitude. You don't need to be sugary sweet, but you should start to look at your troubles as learning lessons rather than the doom of the relationship. Try to think about happier times when you start to become negative in order to turn your thinking around.

Be present

When a partner isn't fully in the moment of trying to fix a relationship, the work becomes a one-sided affair. You need to be able to fully be there for your partner when you need to work through tough times. This might mean that you need to take a few days off work or devote certain times to discussing ways to fix your relationship. These times should be uninterrupted by work obligations or time commitments so that neither person feels rushed or distracted.

Stay calm

While you might be upset about the way that things have turned out, you need to remember that being calm is the best way to see things more clearly. Try lowering your voice when you talk - it automatically lowers your blood pressure and your anger. Try to take a few deep breaths before you say anything - this will help you to be clear and calm as you speak. Many people perceive becoming flustered or upset as being angry, and that can lead to a poor environment for working through issues.

Make plans

One of the best ways to help save your marriage is to start creating long term plans with your partner. While this might not seem like the best idea at the time, it will create the idea that you are both going to make it through the rough patch that you have stumbled upon - somehow. Try to make plans for vacations or other far in the future appointments. This will create a little less pressure because the future isn't so vague and unable to be seen in the dark that you are experiencing at the time.

Take time away

While you don't have to become legally separated to do this, taking time away from each other is one of the best ways to stop a marriage from becoming a divorced marriage. When you take time away from each other, you allow yourself to have a new perspective on the events that are happening. And this can allow you to see new solutions as well as new ideas for how to handle the problems that you may be having. Even if it's just a night or a few hours, taking time to step back from an issue can help it become easier to resolve.

Your marriage isn't failed until you've tried everything to save it. Truth is, You can save your relationship and soften the hardest of hearts of your lover! This system by Cucan Pemo, a best selling author and author of several books, could work over and over again for the broken hearts. There are no mumbo jumbo, no complicated techniques. Just simple instructions that product RESULTS - sometimes within hours, to help you save your relationship or marriage. Within minutes, you could see the beginning of the end of your most difficult relationship problem! Get this amazing package today!

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Trying to fix your marriage is the best thing you can do whenever you are going through trials. Trying does not make any harm. Put that pride down and do what you have to do to save your marriage.

Source

How To Save Your Marriage

2010-01-24T03:20:00.000-08:00

Getting married (or beginning an intimate relationship) is, in a way, like starting a business you’ve always wanted to own or a university program you’ve always wanted to enter.

It may be relatively easy to begin but it is almost guaranteed to be very challenging to stay with it for the long-term and make it a success.

Which one do you think is harder? Being successful in your marriage? In your education? Or in your career?

They are all challenging to achieve for most of us. Yet they are also goals that most of us pursue or dream about. Not everybody wants to get married but most adults want to have some form of love relationship that feels good and is right for them. And the topics in this article apply to all intimate and significant relationships, not just marriages.

Indeed the drive to form and maintain a successful love relationship seems to be consistently strong in most adults. And I have observed this repeatedly in my work as individual and couples therapist.

At the same time our 50 % + divorce rate clearly communicates the message that making our love relationship last and flourish is difficult.

If we add to the high occurrences of divorce, the numerous unhappy marriages out there in which the partners feel hopelessly stuck my point becomes even more clear.

In my work as a mental health clinician I have seen marital and relationship discord often. And as a husband in an 11-year marriage I have felt the severe pains of marital crisis.

Along the way I have formed some wisdom on ways to understand, preserve, and improve your marriage. I teach these in a workshop called “All About Love" and will present them in this article. Also you can log onto my website at http://www.loveyoursoul.com for additional information.

Please keep in mind that most of the advice I am providing below apply and are suggested to both you and your partner even if I do not always mention him or her. However in the event that your significant other is not willing to follow this advice, I suggest that you do them on your own and invite your partner to join you as soon as possible.

1. EXPECT RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS

All or most marriages run into small and large problems eventually. Some marital problems can be anticipated and avoided. Others cannot be foreseen and must be faced, worked through, and resolved by both partners.

Marital crisis is often very painful to go through. But that does not mean that the marriage should be ended.

Conflicts are often tests of the strength of the love relationship. These are tests that both partners must take and pass before the marriage can graduate to a higher level of mutual satisfaction.

Your marital problem should tell you that there are some things that you have not understood about your partner and vice versa. You may also have lost hope for the relationship and neglected each other’s needs.

There is work to be done by each of you. It will probably be hard work but it is also required work to help resolve your marital conflict and for each of you to grow personally.

2. OBTAIN OUTSIDE HELP

The pain and complexity of marital crisis often handicap the couples’ ability to resolve the problem on their own. It is important that you start receiving couples counseling soon after the crisis begins because the longer you wait the more difficult it will be to save the marriage.

You should treat the crisis as a relationship emergency and act right away to get all the help you need.

It is important that you find a therapist who has the experience, knowledge, and motivation to treat marital problems. Also you and your partner should collaborate in order to choose a therapist who seems right for treating your marriage.

Also there are many organizations that provide relationship services. You can locate them through the internet, the phone book, your church, etc. I like the services advertised on the websites: imagorelationships.com and embracemarriage.com.

In addition you can request help from mature friends or relatives that you trust. Their help can be valuable and may include sharing their own experiences with marital problems, listening to you, or offering other support.

3. UNDERSTAND YOUR PARTNER

You must work hard to understand and change what is bothering your partner in the relationship. Chances are that even though your partner loves you there are significant and persistent problems he or she sees in you. And your partner may have lost hope for the relationship because of them.

You need to better understand your partner’s perception of these problems. It may be that your partner has a lot of dislike or fear for a certain problem. This fear was probably developed before you knew each other.

The persistence of these problems in you can be severely disappointing your partner even if they do not seem to be major issues to you.

For example your partner may have a large need for your time and affection because he/she was severely deprived of this in childhood and past relationships.

Your partner could be feeling hurt and disappointed in the relationship because this need has been misunderstood or neglected. The solution in this case would be for you (and your spouse) to become aware of the high importance of regular affection for him/her and to make sure the marriage takes care of this need.

If you identify these types of problems and work hard to resolve them, your loved one is likely to feel better about the relationship.

As usual this works both ways and you can ask your partner to do the same for you.

4. PRAY FOR THE MARRIAGE

Spirituality and regular prayer are powerful ways that can help you and your spouse heal your damaged relationship. It is important that you pray for your partner as well as for yourself. You can also ask God to help and heal your marriage.

There is a lot of variety and choice of spiritual practices. I suggest that you find and practice one that fits with your beliefs and feels right for you.

Spiritual strength could give you both the patience, peace of mind, understanding, love, and forgiveness that is often necessary to work your way out of marital trouble.

5. TOLERATE THE EMOTIONAL PAIN

Marital crises often involve severe emotional pain for both partners. You or your spouse may feel very depressed, angry, terrified, confused, hopeless, etc.

Many people end their marriages because they do not want to tolerate these pains or because they believe that the marital problems will never go away.

But the old saying: “No Pain, No Gain" often holds true for marriages and most marital problems can be solved if both partners are willing to put in the necessary work.

Counseling, spiritual practice, and if needed, medication can help relieve some of your emotional pain. But often much of the pain brought on by marital crisis must be tolerated until the marital wounds are healed.

You and your partner need to understand and accept that you are wounded emotionally and that the healing process may be slow and gradual.

Not all marriages or relationships deserve to be saved. And not all emotional pain associated with a relationship should be tolerated to preserve it.

Extreme situations for example when one partner is regularly physically abusing the other and is refusing to seek professional help may require divorce or a break-up to solve the problem.

But emotional injury caused by typical marital conflicts can often be treated and healed. However this process typically involves emotional pain and your ability to tolerate and live with this pain is a valuable skill.

I often tell my clients “Happiness is on the other side of the pain".

In order to better understand and save your marriage you must work your way through and past the body of emotional pain that is blocking your way to marital happiness.

And if you do this work successfully your marriage will arrive at a new, higher grounds, where you can both feel free of pain and full of relationship joy, love, and appreciation of the meaning of marriage.

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There are no perfect marriage but you can definitely make it work. Always exert an effort to make your marriage work. Learn to accept each others differences.
Source

10 Secrets for a Happy Marriage

2010-01-17T19:40:00.000-08:00

How did this happen? You went from holding a bouquet to handling dirty dishes in about 10 seconds flat. Don't despair! It happens to every bride: Reality sets in. In Best Advice on Starting a Happy Marriage, iVillagers share more than 150 secrets for turning your dream life as husband and wife into an everlasting reality. Read the excerpt below for a sneak peek at 10 ways to keep the passion alive and the house in order. (You'll have to buy the book for the other 140 tips on living happily ever after!)

Respect Rules

"If you don't have admiration for each other, things will not work. Don't let anything get in the way of respecting each other. Growing old together means exactly that, so accept that the body will change and love the person for who he is inside."

Touch of Gold

"Despite our hectic schedules, my husband and I always find time for even the slightest gestures -- a smile, a touch, a quick kiss. He always makes a point of touching me if we're in the same room, just to feel close and make a connection."

Agree to Disagree

"Even in the happiest marriages, two people are bound to disagree. On issues that don't affect our daily lives, my husband and I pretty much agree to disagree. We know that we won't always agree, but sometimes it's fun to discuss these things (such as political or religious views). On things that we must agree on, like how to raise our kids, we always discuss them and arrive at a compromise. That way there is no resentment. We just stay calm and always find a way."

Fighting Fair

"Don't be afraid to argue, but do it respectfully. Stick to the issues rather than making personal attacks, and learn to negotiate and compromise. Honest but constructive arguments will actually strengthen your marriage in the long run."

Love Isn't a Battlefield

"Never use sex as a weapon in a dispute with your spouse -- for instance, withholding sex as a way of dealing with an issue that's troubling you. Always keep the lines of communication open. If they shut down, you might want to consider counseling. There are various stages of love in a marriage, so be prepared for your love (and intimacy) to keep shifting over time. Both of you should realize that change is not a reason to look for sexual fulfillment outside of the marriage."

"It's important to discuss having children, not only before you get married but also as an ongoing dialogue after you get married. My husband and I talked about becoming parents while we were still dating. We both knew we wanted children and even agreed on the number. After our third child was born, however, my husband approached me with the idea of not having any more. After a year of thinking about it and discussing it, we came to the conclusion that we were both happy to stop our family at three kids, although we'd originally wanted five. As with everything in marriage, communication is key."

"Financial issues are often what break up a marriage, so it's especially important to talk about money in a productive, honest way. Be as blunt and open with each other as you can so that there is no hidden resentment about how your money is being spent. If one of you is unhappy about the way money is handled in your household, deal with it immediately. Of course, you should always be tactful, but you should also be able to freely discuss your concerns. Don't keep any anxieties to yourself because that won't help either of you. Remember that you're a team."

"My husband had a sudden downturn in his income level, which can be a devastating blow to some men's self-esteem. Many men seem to base their self-worth on how much they earn. I found that reassuring him about all the other qualities I love about him was very helpful. I also reminded him that any money coming into the house was always for both of us, regardless of who earned it."

"Don't whine and complain to your family about your spouse on a regular basis. Keep in mind that your family (and friends) will always -- or at least usually -- side with you even when you're wrong. If you constantly complain about your spouse to your family and friends, they will start to dislike him, which will cause you all sorts of difficulties later."

"When I first got married, I found that I was doing almost everything that needed to be done around the house. Finally I sat down and wrote out a list of what I did and what my husband did, and I showed it to him. He couldn't believe it; he had a very different perception of his contributions. That list opened up a dialogue about the issue, and we were able to split up the tasks in a way that seemed fair to both of us."

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All problems can be solved if you talked about it as early as possible. Marriage is not all about happiness, trials come to test your relationship. Be strong and always look forward to your goal, to have a happy and healthy marriage.

Source

Tiny anti-snoring device that might save your marriage

2010-01-06T20:08:00.000-08:00

A tiny box implanted in the chest could be a revolutionary cure for snoring.

The device, about the size of a matchbox, works by stimulating the muscles responsible for keeping the airways open during sleep.

The high-tech implant is so advanced it can be programmed to switch itself on at the patient's usual bedtime and turn itself off around the time they wake up.
Noisy nights: Sleep apnoea affects three million Britons

Noisy nights: Sleep apnoea affects three million Britons

The patient also has a hand-held device to control the implant, in case they decide to stay up late or have a lie-in.

Although the device - called the Apnex System - is still undergoing testing, it could eventually help thousands of people who suffer from sleep apnoea, the snoringrelated condition that affects around three million Britons.

As sleep begins, the muscles in the airway relax. For most people this does not pose a problem. But in sleep apnoea it leads to a complete collapse, which shuts off breathing for at least ten seconds.

Once the brain realises breathing has stopped, it sends a signal for the airway muscles to contract again. This opens the airway and the sufferer normally wakes with a jolt.

In mild sleep apnoea, this can happen about once every ten minutes. If it's severe, it means sleep can be disturbed every couple of minutes.

Very few people remember waking up at all because they fall asleep again within seconds. Yet the cumulative effect is that they feel exhausted during the day.

Sleep apnoea is common in middle-aged men who are overweight, because excess fat around the neck puts pressure on the airways during sleep. Left untreated,it can raise the risk of high blood pressure and heart attacks.

Treatment normally begins with trying to lose weight. But many patients need a therapy called nasal Continuous Positive Airway Pressure (CPAP). This involves wearing a mask over the nose and mouth during sleep.

The mask is attached to a machine that increases the pressure of the air that is being inhaled.

This prevents the airway from collapsing, improves sleep and leads to better concentration during the day.

The treatment is very effective. But some people find the mask cumbersome. And it must be worn every night.

Other devices include special dental splints, which are worn at night in much the same way as a mouth-guard.

These work by pulling the lower jaw forward, so that the airway cannot collapse. But as sleep apnoea is such a common ailment, scientists have been busy searching for other solutions. The Apnex implant could be the answer.

The patient is given a general anaesthetic and surgeons implant the device beneath the collarbone on the right side of the torso. Two leads are wired up to muscles in the chest. Their job is to monitor breathing rate.

A separate lead is then tunnelled under the skin to the hypoglossal nerve, which is found underneath the tongue and is responsible for activating the muscles around the throat.

When the device is turned on, the sensors in the chest tell it when the patient is breathing in and out. The implant then sends a signal to stimulate the nerve during inhalation.

Once the hypoglossal nerve has been stimulated, it gets the muscles around the throat working properly so breathing is not disrupted and there is no snoring. Trials are under way in the U.S. and Australia, and the implant could be available in the UK within three years.

Professor John Stradling, an expert in respiratory medicine at the Churchill Hospital in Oxford, said the science behind the device was 'entirely plausible' and that stimulating the hypoglossal nerve will keep sleep apnoea at bay.

But he added that previous attempts to make similar devices have had mixed results.

'They worked to some extent,' he said. 'But there were reports that patients could feel the device during the night, which kept them awake just as much as the sleep apnoea. And in some early models, the wires broke.

'It also involves surgery, whereas the current CPAP treatment does not. I think this device might suit a few people, but it is a long way from becoming standard treatment.'

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I guess, if you really love you husband and wife you can get used to if he snores. Maybe he have a heart problem that's why he snores.

Source

How to Save Your Marriage When It’s Horribly Fractured

2010-01-03T18:30:00.000-08:00

A marriage that you may deem horribly fractured may be repaired by simply doing a little mending to a broken heart that’s hurt and lonely. Often times, a few minor things that go wrong in a relationship can fester into one big sore that only a doctor can remove.

Never underestimate the effect little thoughtless acts can have on a marriage whether newlyweds or mature couples.

Any marriage can get caught up in the day to day pressures of family and trying to make a living as you neglect the one person who’s vitally important; and that’s your spouse. Without him or her, excluding children of course, all the work and planning would be worth nothing. A fractured marriage may just require a little attention.

Spend quality time with each other. It’s easy to think you do but keep an honest record of the actual time you’re with your spouse and how much time you spend with friends, children, work and doing household chores. You may be surprised to find how little time you spend with your spouse, leaving one or both feeling badly neglected and unloved.

If too much of your time is being spent with friends and volunteer work, learn how to say no. Change these habits to being together with friends or volunteer to work on the same project together. Common goals create common interests which help a relationship bond.

Connect with each other every day with something meaningful and personal. Simple pleasures are often best such as a walk in the park. Take time to sip on wine while listening to music together, go to a movie or concert, dress up and treat it like a date. Exercise together or ride a bike. With some of these things you gain health benefits along with emotional.

You must talk with each other and communicate. Describe your feelings on a regular basis. Be descriptive and creative in your descriptions. Focus on your feelings rather than your thoughts and be honest. Share your good feelings along with the bad. If you’re apart, then send emails with your feelings. It may be easier to write them than say them.

When talking, give each other your undivided attention. Don’t watch TV or glance at a magazine while talking. Respond without being critical. Make eye contact. Hold hands.

Smile and be supportive even if you don’t agree with everything being said.

Bring romance back into your life. Hug often and touch each other even if just in passing. As the old song goes, “Give me your hand when I cross the street, say I look nice when I’m not.” Yes, little things can mean a lot when it comes to healing a lonely heart. Tell your spouse you love him or her and think of different ways to say it, perhaps in a foreign language.

If your marriage has become boring and routine, be more spontaneous. Take a trip on the spur of the moment or at least drive to a nearby town to a romantic restaurant and sneak a kiss when no one is looking. Saving a fractured marriage can be as easy as getting out of your own little world and becoming a part of theirs.

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That's very true. Every couple should ha "WE" time together. Spend more time with each other maybe once a week date will be good.
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Save Your Marriage - Are There Good Enough Reasons For Doing So?

2009-12-24T23:16:00.000-08:00

If you are going through a bad marriage chances are that you are looking for ways and means to save your marriage from friends, marriage counselors or even the internet. With so many marriages cracking up all over the world, it is not surprising to find scores of suggestion and advices including things to do, how to plan, how to strategize and so on filling up shelves at the bookstores as well as the internet. While most would talk about deploying the most proven techniques to save your marriage no one really talks about taking the reverse course of action and think, whether at all there are good reasons for doing what you are trying to do - to save your marriage.

Marriage between two people is also a union of the mind as well as sharing of commitments and responsibilities that come with it. When things go sour, obviously there has something gone wrong at some basic levels. Of all the issues that upset the apple cart, some are easily identifiable as well as solvable too. For example, if the sourness in the marriage is due to a third person, you can either live with the idea or reject your partner. There is no question about how to save your marriage in such cases. Similarly, you can treat physical incompatibility largely through medical intervention. If this does not work, it perhaps hardly makes sense to save your marriage. Nevertheless, issues linked to mental incompatibilities are more difficult to analyze objectively and solve to save your marriage. This is precisely the area where you need to sit back and think, whether at all it makes sense to take the initiative to save your marriage. Here are some pointers to think about as to why you should try to save your marriage:

- Are you trying to save your marriage because of issues like children, finances, insecurities about future, etc?

- Are you making efforts to save your marriage because you believe that there is nothing intrinsically wrong with the relationship except that it has taken a beating caused by familiarity or negligence?

- Are you trying to save your marriage because your ego has been hurt?

- Are you mentally scared of loneliness that is bound to follow a separation and hence your need to save your marriage?

- Is the reason to save your marriage due to your feeling insecure?

- If the marriage has been for long, you know your spouse well by now. Are you sure that the differences responsible for causing problems in the marriage are resolvable?

- Do you think that both of you still trust the reasons why you came together?

- Do you still value the friendship of your spouse?

- Leaving out sex, money, children and security, can you write down five good reasons why you want your spouse back and save your marriage?

One can go on endlessly on this subject but you might have got it by now the importance of making your mind clear of mental debris and starting to thing afresh. Remember to save your marriage might be easy for short-term gains, but it might be difficult to keep your marriage, if the reasons to save your marriage was not good and strong enough. But like I always say... if you think it is wort to fight to save it, you should do it.

Why is saving your marriage so important to you? Because a good relationship is one of the most treasured of human interactions. We all want to be loved. There are the great times together, the shared dreams and visions, the mutual likes and dislikes and more. Great relationships are essential for enjoying a good quality of life. They color everything else around us.

Losing a lover is one of the most emotionally traumatizing episodes in our life. Losing a spouse is even worse. It is amazing how the very thing that brings us the most pleasure also brings with it the most grief.

But don't give up on the love of your life yet. It is too early for this. You can learn a cutting edge approach to successful reuniting with your lost lover or spouse. These methods have been used by many with an extraordinary degree of success. Please visit my site at http://www.LonelinessToHappiness.com/ to find out how you can get your ex back in your life and make her or him fall in love with you again. I will teach you how to put the passion back in your relationship. You will be in good hands.

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If you're going through hard times in your relationship now, try to talk about it as early as you can so you can fix it easily. Communication gives less burden. There are many reasons why you should save your marriage and always choose the right thing to do.

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Save Your Marriage For the Sake of the Kids - Is it Worth It?

2009-12-21T23:16:00.000-08:00

Incompatibilities, infidelity and physical and emotional inadequacies are perhaps a few of the many reasons why marriages break. If you are reading this, perhaps you too are going through a troubled marriage and you feel that a breakup is imminent. You want to save your marriage not for anything else, but for the sake of your kids. They are reasons enough to stick to an otherwise loveless marriage.

While this is a noble gesture confirming your spirit of self-sacrifice and selflessness, some matters need your consideration if you want to save your marriage for the sake of the kids. This means that you would have left your spouse, if only the kids were not there, as kids from a broken home do suffer, and you know it more than anyone else.

Before you actually sit down to take a final call whether or not to save your marriage, for the sake of the kids, there is a need to do some soul-searching regarding the mutual feelings. Are you still in love with your husband? If he has called it quits, is it because he is in love with another woman or is it just that he wants to free himself from you? Do a frank and unbiased analysis of the existing situation, before you take steps to save your marriage for the sake of the kids. Here are some suggestions:

• Even if you are successful in saving your marriage for the moment and stall your husband's decision for a divorce, how long do you think you can carry on with a loveless existence?

• Have you tried to talk over the matter with your kids? If the kids are very clear about their intentions to stay with the father, you might have to think of parting ways with the family, in stead of working out ways to save your marriage.

• You need financial strength to stay away and manage the kids as a single parent. If your income along with the money from your ex husband can ensure a decent life for you and the children, there is hardly any point in making efforts to change your husband's decision and save your marriage.

• No woman ever likes to walk out of a happy marriage. Obviously things are not perfect in your relationship which has caused this conflict of interest. Think hard, whether such issues can at all be resolved, if not in its entirety, but at least up to livable standards. If you are sure that you can live with such half-measures, for the sake of the kids then you must go ahead and take steps to retrieve as much as possible and save your marriage.

Whether you are still together and having problems or you are already separated and want to save your marriage... the next step is absolutely crucial!

Don't make the mistake of saying or doing something that will kill your chances of getting back together with your spouse. Find out what you need to do to save your marriage and emotionally reconnect with her or him again.

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I think it would be a big factor to save your marriage for your kids because they are the one who are most affected in any broken marriages. But if you really think that your life will be at peace if you separate ways and you cannot fix it anymore then you can do it. Always try to fix any troubles you are having because every marriage is worth saving.

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Why whispering could save your marriage

2009-12-16T19:16:00.000-08:00

When times get tough in relationships, we will more often than not find ourselves raising both our voices and most likely our blood pressure.

But according to consultant forensic psychologist Kerry Daynes, whispering sweet nothings could just save your marriage.

She told The Telegraph: "When couples are having difficulty communicating with each other, whispering can be a helpful technique.

"It requires both parties to make a conscious effort to listen. The whisperer is likely to slow down their communication and therefore think a little more about what they are saying.

"Meanwhile, the whisperee has to concentrate in order to hear what has been said and so may listen more effectively than usual."

Of course, it's not always that simple. A recent study in Texas revealed that emotional whisperings are more effective when delivered to the left ear so you'll need to bear that in mind.

And there is always the chance that you'll be entirely misheard, resulting in a row over whatever it was you were trying not to row about.

While Daynes admits that though it is "a simplistic strategy", it does "help to create an atmosphere of intimacy.

"It requires proximity – you obviously have to get close to be heard," she says.

And therein lies the problem.

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I haven't think that whispering can be a good communication tool for couples. I think she is right that whisperer can have more time to think and the whisperee will exert more effort to listen. What a brilliant idea.

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Can You Save Your Marriage?

2009-12-10T19:44:00.000-08:00

Are you experiencing relationship difficulties? Have you reached a point in your marriage that seems like all is lost? Are you afraid that there is no hope left for your relationship? You’re not alone; in fact many couples experience difficulties in their relationships for a variety of reasons. Yet, no matter what the reason for the difficulties in your marriage, there is hope and such problems can be overcome!

The first step in saving a marriage that is in danger of falling apart is to determine whether or not both partners within the marriage possess a mutual desire to save the marriage. If one partner wants to maintain and work on the marriage while another partner elects not do, all of the work and effort that is put into making the relationship work will ultimately come to naught. Thus, a mutual desire on behalf of both partners to remain in the relationship must exist.

The second step in repairing the damage in any relationship is to determine the cause of the problem in the first place. Sometimes the problem is screamingly clear like when one or both partners engage in extramarital affairs, while other times the reason for problems may not appear so obvious; perhaps you are experiencing a sense of alienation from your spouse because you no longer spend time together the way you used to when you first met. Thus, in clearly defining the problem, it will become easier to focus on possible solutions and to repair your marriage.

Once you have defined the problem, it comes time to look at possible solutions. Further, the seriousness of the existing problem in your marriage will directly parallel the amount of effort it will take to save your marriage. For example, in the case of a slowly distancing relationship, couples can slowly work on rebuilding the intimacy shared in the relationship while in the case of an extramarital affair it may take a significant amount of time to overcome the sense of betrayal each of the partners may feel.

Changing the way you think about your current relationship with your spouse can make a tremendous difference in your relationship. For instance, instead of dwelling on the current problems that may exist within your marriage: why not reflect on how your relationship was before all your problems began? Think about what it was like when you and your partner first met and you fell in love with one another. Do you remember how being in love made you feel? Do you remember being willing to go above and beyond what was necessary to please and satisfy your partner? Once you recall the niceties that you used to implement in your relationship, you can once again employ such behaviors and in doing so, you can begin to repair your marriage.

Finally, a positive attitude is imperative if you desire to save your marriage. Thus, if you truly want to rescue your relationship and save it from falling completely apart or resulting in divorce, you will have to be willing to let go of any feelings of resentment or bitterness you feel toward your partner. Such a task may not be easy, especially if your partner has had an affair; nevertheless, by not letting go of the resentment you may presently feel, you are already setting your relationship up to fail. Therefore, in a sincere effort to save your marriage, be sure to set aside any negative emotions you may have and focus on being positive by looking to the future and the potential of renewal that your relationship holds.

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As long as you are eager to save your relationship you can do it. Trust your feelings and be patient to win your husband and wife back.

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Fix Marriage…How Control Issues Can Cause Marriage Problems

2009-12-07T00:42:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been irritated because your mate does things differently than you do?

Does it upset you if your spouse makes different choices and has different opinions than you do? If so, you have encountered some of your own personal control issues and triggers in your relationship. To save your marriage from needless damage, there are some key points you’ll want to understand.

To reduce the risk of marital problems that can lead to marriage separation, here are three important considerations:

1. Fear is at the bottom of control issues.

When a spouse has controlling behavior in the relationship, marriage problems often result. The feelings you have at those times can be very intense and may include extreme anger at the other person. A controlling wife may feel more secure when her husband mirrors her beliefs, opinions, and choices. Your safety fears and needs contribute to your wanting others to be just like you. The old adage, "There’s safety in numbers," refers to this ancient fear of standing alone.

Also, most people feel more in control when they can predict how others will act and when others meet their expectations. Then they don't have to experience the discomfort of changing, growing, or stretching themselves. Instead, they can pretend that their world is logical, predictable, orderly, and safe.

2. Thinking your spouse should be just like you causes marital problems.

Your control issues are also triggered by seeing your spouse as an extension of yourself. This perception can result in trying to dictate which clothes your spouse wears, who she is friends with, how she wears her hair, what political views she holds, and what she can or cannot do. While your partner may initially make some changes trying to keep the peace, you are creating a parent-child dynamic in your marriage that will eventually foster rebellion and resentment and my ultimately lead to marriage crisis.

3. Using name calling and insults are attempts by a controlling spouse to dominate the partner.

While nothing sinister is involved in many control issues in marriages, pathological behavior can be triggered in some instances. For example, a controlling husband who is upset that the wife did not follow his directions could become physically and emotionally abusive. The partner may believe he has the right to "punish" the other person. Derogatory put-downs and name calling, such as "What a stupid thing to do," are often used to re-establish control over the other person.

It's easy to point a finger at your spouse and to say that he or she needs to change. It's more difficult to face your own unresolved issues head-on and take responsibility for how you need to change. But avoiding change instead of nurturing your relationship can be a sure path to marital separation and divorce. A marriage counselor can often help a partner to see his or her own role in marital dynamics.

As you gain awareness of control issues in your marriage, the starting place for change is always with yourself and your response to what is happening.

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Respect is a big role in every marriage. Always respect your partner even if you have different perspectives in many things. As long as you have respect for one another your marriage will survive every trials.

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12 Ways to Build Trust in your Relationship

2009-11-30T07:23:00.000-08:00

Make sure that what you say is what you're saying.

It takes a lot to hold back some of your opinions sometimes. But when you hold back something important, your partner will see it in your body language. It's better to tell them what is upsetting you than for them to have to guess what you are trying to tell them and potentially guessing wrong.

Become more predictable

It's the sudden changes that can cause even the most calm and centered person to begin to question their partner. If you're doing something that might be perceived as 'out of your character,' realize that you might be causing suspicion. Try to keep your habits and actions fairly predictable so that your partner can assume that everything is okay when your patterns remain the same.

Be open about changes that you are making

But it's not fair to assume that you will be staying the same all of the time, so it's best to let your partner know when you are making changes that might seem radical. Starting a new exercise program or changing your overall look might be something that you will want to warn them about lest they think that you're primping and preparing your appearance for someone else.

Believe in your partner

A little faith in your partner will go a long way. When you want to build trust in a relationship, you will want to trust your partner as well to make decisions that benefit your relationship as well as your well-being. It isn't about thinking that your partner can do anything that they put their mind to, but it's about having the courage to say that you support your partner no matter what they want in their life.

Communicate your needs

What you need will go a long way to showing your partner how much you trust them. By allowing them to see what makes you happy, you are becoming vulnerable to them and to their reactions. They might not like what you've decided, though they probably will appreciate the fact that you are telling them what you need from them. Trusting them to listen and to respect these needs will help the favor to be returned.

Be an open book

Keeping secrets is probably one of the worst things you can do for a relationship. You need to be as open as possible in your marriage in order to show that you have nothing to hide. When you're open, your partner will also feel that they should be open enough to you as well. Small secrets are one thing gifts, surprises but when you start to keep some secrets, they might think that you're hiding other things as well.

Be yourself

You married the person that you are with because of who they are. When they start to act differently, that might make you question what is going on with them. When you want to rebuild the trust in your relationship, try to remember that you don't want to change or impress them, but you want to show them who you really are so that they can trust that person.

Have your own opinions

It's interesting that many people believe that agreeing with everyone will make them seem more trustworthy. But like 'yes men' in business, those that always agree seem to be lying some of the time. There's no need to disagree with others, but you should also have your own opinions once in a while.

Establish clear boundaries

Set up boundaries that might allow you to feel more trustful. If your spouse or partner is away, you might establish rules for talking to other women or let them know things that might make you uncomfortable. Share what you need to feel secure in your relationship and ask them to do the same.

Don't be afraid of success

Realize that you can have an open and honest relationship it's not impossible. Too many people dismiss the idea entirely and always look for things to be wrong however, this leads to distrust as well.

Communicate often

Take the time to talk with each other frequently so that you both know where the other one is at. This will allow you to feel as though there is nothing that you're not communicating to the other.

Take responsibility

If you keep a secret or lie, take responsibility for your blunder. People make mistakes, but owning up to them makes you better for it.

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Trust is hard to gain but you can definitely regain it if you show your partner that you deserve to have his trust once again.
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5 Ways to Solve Any Relationship Problem Continuation..

2009-11-24T22:32:00.000-08:00

Continuation..

Here are a few examples of language choices that will get you nowhere fast:

* Using the words always and never. Saying something like, "You never help out around here!" will stop any reasonable discussion dead in its tracks. It sounds like you're exaggerating, and your partner will invariably be challenged to fight back in their defense. They'll probably respond with something like, "That's not true! Remember that time two weeks ago that I helped clean up the house and took the kids to school?" It turns into a "he said, she said" debate, and the real issue gets lost in the translation.

So catch yourself when you use words that imply absolutes. Using the above examples, it would be better to start off by saying, "I'd like to talk to you about your share of the workload," and "I'd really like it if you put me first -- sometimes I feel second to your friends, relatives and co-workers."

* Insults and name-calling. Some of us grew up believing that the more belligerent and loud we were, the more we'd command attention. Nothing could be further from the truth. Sure, this technique may intimidate and belittle your partner into compliance, but you'll also make them angry and resentful of your ways. They might not have the guts to tell you to your face, but they'll secretly feel that you're a jerk.

Every time you or your partner call each other "stupid" or an "idiot" or an even nastier slur, a little bit of your relationship gets destroyed in the process. On top of that, your original problem will get lost in a barrage of obscenities, and nothing gets solved. So if you're being insulted, the right move is to say, as calmly as you can, "I can't continue to talk to you right now if you're going to use that language," and then offer to pick up the conversation later when your partner has calmed down. If they continue to aggressively come at you, then you need to question whether you'll be able to stay in a relationship with someone who's that emotionally and verbally abusive.

* Saying "or else!" A lot of people I know love to tack this little threat at the end of a command -- for example, "You better do things my way, or else!" Apparently they feel as if their need will get met more quickly if there's a hint of some consequence. But the real question should be: "Or else what?" What will you really do if your partner ignores your request? How will you retaliate? The problem with this choice of words is that very few people respond favorably to a threat and will actually do the opposite just to show that they won't be coerced into a specific action. Your bluff may be called, and then what will you be prepared to do? If you back down, then your threat is meaningless.

Instead, think through your response very carefully and tell your partner, "Here's what I'm going to do if you don't respond to me." It's certainly okay to provide a consequence if your partner fails to correct a problem in the relationship, but that consequence needs to be well defined.

So how can you ensure that you'll actually get heard? There are better ways to communicate your desires, as shown by the following few examples that can apply to any relationship problem:

* "I'd like it if we could take some time today to talk about something that's really important to me."

* "I feel that this is a problem we can work on together."

* "This is really difficult for me to bring up, but I just want to tell you how I feel about..."

* "I just need you to listen and try to reserve judgment until I'm finished."

* "I'm just asking you to hear what I'm saying -- we don't have to fix the problem right this second."

Principle #3: You'll have more success by focusing on one issue at a time.

One of my biggest challenges during couples therapy is to keep the two people from veering off into too many directions at once. It's nearly impossible to analyze more than one major issue at a time, which is why problem solving often fails miserably. Recently my wife and I started to discuss some money-management issues, and before we knew it, we ended the conversation by debating the amount of time we spend together. We caught our mistake and got back to the topic of money, but it did take some effort.

Make a commitment to actively focus on one thing at a time. I know it sounds difficult, but the payoff will be well worth the extra effort. Be aware, though, that your partner may try to derail the discussion by veering onto another topic if things start to get heated -- it's a sneaky little tactic to shift the conversation when things aren't going so well. So every time you catch your partner avoiding the topic at hand, say, "Let's continue to deal with ___ now and get to ___ [the other issue] later."

Principle #4: Set the right stage for discussion and negotiation of the problem.

There's a correct time and place to work on your problems. Let's deal with place first.

I can't tell you the exact room of your house that will work best for you, but a good rule of thumb is that it should be a location that's both quiet and comfortable -- maybe it's your kitchen table or your den? It just shouldn't be in public or at a friend's home. Major discussions deserve to be held in a consistent, appropriate location. Forgetting to set the scene is a crucial blunder made by a lot of couples, so put some thought into this.
The right time for the negotiation is just as important as place. I believe that there are three important considerations in this area:

First, you must (and I can't stress the word must enough) point out a problem the very first time it arises. You'll have more leverage if you don't allow something to snowball into a pattern of behavior. Many people finally put their foot down when their partner has made a major mistake for about the 32nd time, but by then it's simply too late. The reality is this: The longer you allow your partner to get away with unacceptable behavior, the harder it will be to have any power to get them to stop. If you hold your tongue and just hope that your partner will change on their own, don't complain that you never get what you need.

Second, make sure that you have enough time available to thoroughly discuss the problem. Some of my patients will bring up an extremely important issue right before our time is up for the session and then get angry when I say that we have to stop. The same principle applies to your relationship: If you and your partner begin to argue just as you're leaving for work or getting ready to go out, then the discussion will be nonproductive. Alternately, if you put off the issue too long, you run the risk that the problem will never be solved. So set aside an appropriate length of time for a face-to-face meeting (notice that a phone conversation is generally not intimate enough).

Third, when you and your partner have been sitting there for hours still hammering away without a compromise, it may be time to call it quits for the time being and readdress the problem again later. When you both get tired and start to go 'round and 'round, it's acceptable to say, "How about if we agree to disagree for now and pick up our discussion later when we're both fresh?"

Principle #5: Say "I'm sorry" if you act in a disrespectful or hurtful way toward your partner.

This one is short and sweet. You're not perfect -- once in a while you may unintentionally (or intentionally) hurt your partner's feelings. You may say mean-spirited things in the heat of the moment that you immediately regret -- so swallow your pride, apologize and ask for forgiveness. By the same token, you should also expect an "I'm sorry" from your partner if your feelings were hurt by disrespectful behavior.

I know there's a chance that you had parents who abused each other and became overwhelmed by relationship problems, and I'll bet that they rarely said they were sorry for their actions. So be different -- become truly free in your relationship by admitting that you were wrong. Really value your partner, and don't let your relationship have an unhappy ending.

You're now armed with some very important negotiating and compromising skills to use in any disagreement; and by utilizing these techniques, you'll have much greater success in solving difficult relationship problems.

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Marriage is a sacred gift from God so we have to take care of it. There are absolutely numerous trials that will come in any marriage just be prepared and face it together.

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5 Ways to Solve Any Relationship Problem

2009-11-22T22:25:00.000-08:00

Do you and your guy argue about where to go for dinner? Who left the cap off the toothpaste tube? Or is it something more serious like how to discipline your kids? No matter the problem, Dr. Kelly E. Johnson, author of The Relationship Problem Solver for Love, Marriage and Dating, can help you discover how to better communicate and come to a resolution. Read the following excerpt and discover five principles that will help you navigate your next argument -- and maybe even save your relationship.

Introduction: The Real Way to Solve a Relationship Problem

Here are several things that must happen for a relationship issue to be resolved:

Step 1 in solving a relationship conflict is always the commitment to stop yelling at and berating each other in the course of talking about the problem -- you must both agree to respect each other's opinions. Step 2 is actually identifying the issue and then telling your partner your specific complaint and how you feel. These two steps must be done first, or the process of negotiating some kind of compromise will be meaningless. When you're ready to move on to Step 3, there are several core principles that must be adhered to.

Principle #1: You and your partner should never keep a running tally of "wins" and "losses" in your negotiations.

Sadly this is one of the biggest mistakes that I see couples make. Believe me, most people won't admit this out loud, but they're keeping score internally, just waiting for the day they finally get to "win." When you hear your partner (or yourself) complain, "You always get your way. It's my turn now!" it's time to realize that score is being kept.

Why shouldn't you keep track of victories and losses so that over time things are evened up? It would only make sense to win an argument sometimes, and I'll grant you that your relationship should be an equal partnership. The problem with keeping score is that the win-loss record usually becomes the most important factor in resolving a dispute, rather than the need to figure out each issue on its own merit. A friend of mine once proudly told me that he'd gotten his way four times that week, compared to his wife getting her way only twice. He didn't care if he was right or wrong, just as long as he got in the last word and won the argument. Giving in for him meant that he was somehow "weak" and losing control. Although I thought he was completely insane (and I told him so), I tried to make him understand that this behavior would only serve to drive a wedge in his marriage and make his wife disgusted with his competitiveness.

Compromise is not a sign of personal weakness. It's really okay to let your partner come out on top sometimes. This can be an extremely hard thing to do, but challenge yourself to wipe the slate clean before you tackle a new relationship issue. If you're being hardheaded and are only interested in evening up the score, then you won't be able to see the problem clearly, and a very bad decision could be made that irreversibly harms your relationship.

Principle #2: The language you use toward your partner is critically important in determining the outcome of any problem.

Even though you may be right, you may not get your way if your method of communicating isn't effective. It will do you no good to put your partner on the defensive right away with accusatory language. When someone's being attacked, it's a natural defense mechanism for them to either fight back or retreat into a shell -- in either case, the problem won't be rationally solved.

Continuation on my next post..

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Define what is you problem, talk about it. Every problems can be solved by communicating with your spouse.

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Talking about money beforehand can save your marriage

2009-11-21T18:27:00.000-08:00

Almost half of all marriages end in divorce. And divorce usually does heavy financial damage.

A substantial reduction of joint wealth accompanies the splitting up of property in a divorce. Then there's the draining cost of an additional residence and everything from furniture to furnishings that have to be replicated in a separate residence. On top of this, of course, there's legal fees and the drain of alimony and child support.

Disputes over money often create the animosity and tensions that are precursors to bitter marital discord leading to divorce. Can pre-marital money talk help avoid such potentially costly disputes?

Definitely – if honestly and seriously carried on.

The first and perhaps most difficult step is simply to talk about money, and talk honestly and seriously.

Among the topics of most importance are the prospective spouses' attitudes about credit. If one spouse thinks credit is there to be stretched to the maximum and the other thinks credit card balances are to be paid in full each month, a red flag should go up.

This difference in attitude, if it can't be honestly resolved, suggests that tensions and clashes are likely. On the other hand, if both prospective spouses think credit is to be used conservatively, credit harmony is likely.

Also important is who will control the couple's money. If each works, will each have a separate checking account and credit card and control the use of the separate checking account and credit card?

Or will all earnings go into a joint account? Or part separate accounts and part a joint account? Who will decide how the funds are spent? And if one of the prospective spouses makes more money than the other, or all of the money, should that spouse have a larger say in how the money is spent?

Discussing money control should naturally lead to a discussion of who will pay the bills. Sometimes the person wanting to pay the bills wants to do so to exercise control over spending. Other times that person just wants to take on the bill paying chore to be helpful. It's important to understand the motivation.

The bill-paying discussion should naturally lead to the question of who will be responsible for investment decisions. Is one of the prospective spouses more knowledgeable about investments than the other? Should all investment decisions be jointly made? How much risk is the couple willing to take? How much should they save each month?

This discussion of how money is controlled may reveal more than attitudes about money. It may reveal whether one of the prospective newlyweds will seek more control over the married life of the couple than the other feels comfortable with. Advance knowledge of this type of dominance issue may suggest a re-evaluation of the relationship that will avoid much future pain.

Pre-marital money talk isn't romantic like pillow talk. But both can be important for marital bliss.

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Money takes a big impact in any marriage. Talking about your finances, savings and expenses will make it lighter.

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Winning Back a Cheating Spouse to Save Your Marriage

2009-11-12T07:30:00.000-08:00

If your spouse has cheated on you, your natural reaction would probably be a combination of anger, rage, disappointment, bitterness, retaliation, extreme sorrow, revenge and giving up. All these are negative. If you do any or all of them, you put your marriage at risk of ending. But how should you respond towards your cheating spouse?
The first thing to do is pray and pray fervently. Only God can change a human heart so appeal to Him to do so. Then take action. Whatever action is taken is with the objective of bringing your cheating spouse to repentance and ending the illicit relationship. Here are things you should NOT do.

Things You Should Not Do

Do not spy on your spouse. This invasion of privacy will only cause greater friction in your relationship. Do not condemn your spouse. A holier-than-thou attitude would drive him or her even further from you. Do not be pedantic over every little detail of your spouse's behavior. Demanding perfection from him does not give him room to fail and come back to you. Do not issue an ultimatum, either. Don't threaten your spouse with the usual, "You come back to me or else". He may just choose the 'or else' and your marriage is as good as over. Now let me share what you CAN do.

What You Can Do

At the same time, do not be taken advantage of or taken for granted. You have a right to press for commitment and loyalty from your spouse. You can ask him to account for his whereabouts and activities. But be sensitive in doing so. If you suspect an affair it is alright to ask for an explanation of his relationship with the third party. If there is admission, then set out a plan to restore your relationship. If there is no admission, just let things be for now. Do not confront or accuse your spouse of an affair without hard evidence. Acting as though you are ignorant is the best approach. The longer you act ignorant, the more evidence you may be able to gather. An admission may come later if you do things correctly now. Let's say it has become crystal clear that your spouse is cheating. What then?

If it is clear that your spouse is cheating and does not want to give up the relationship, you have to persuade him to do so. But the means by which you do that is important. What about leaving your spouse as a way of making him give up the relationship? Personally, I would not advise that unless there is physical abuse involved. But if it does not come to that, I feel it is important to remain in the home even though it is painful to watch your spouse having an affair. There are things you can do while you are still living under the same roof.

You can show your dissatisfaction and disapproval by what you do or don't do. For example, you can cook only for the children or sleep in separate rooms. If your spouse has enough sense to see how this affects your relationship and more so how it affects the children, it should cause him to re-think his relationship with the third party. But if you leave him, you lose any opportunity to influence him to give up his relationship. Here are some practical steps I suggest you take.
Practical Steps To Take

If at all possible, have a heart-to-heart talk with your spouse. Discuss the earliest time when you sense something went wrong with your relationship. Find out in what way your relationship changed. This is to pinpoint the root causes for the breakdown in your relationship. Once these root causes are found, help one another to remove them. But be careful of one thing, though.

Do not only highlight the changes your spouse needs to make. YOU must be willing to change first. Ask your spouse what changes about YOURSELF he or she feels you should make and then make the changes as far as you can for the sake of your spouse. Then only can you expect your spouse to change himself or herself. Re-live the way you used to in the past that brought you both much joy. Re-ignite the feelings you once had for each other. Re-connect by communicating with one another in fresh new ways. But don't only redo the past good things.

Try new things together. As long as they are either new or interesting or innovative and enjoyable, it's worth a try doing it as a couple or a family. The purpose is to re-discover the excitement of being a couple or a family. Here are some suggestions.

Do you have small children? Try something fun together. Throw a costume party, a treasure hunt, a family outing, a friendly competition (father and daughter versus mother and son), a family quiz etc. Children have a special ability to draw parents close together.

Do you have common interests? Indulge in it together. Go to a music festival, paint something together, visit art galleries, watch movies, share jokes, cook dishes together, do a common project, get involved in community work together etc. The aim is to spend quality fun times that will bring you closer together. All these activities are great, but let's not forget the way you behave towards one another daily. It's important there is some change in that also. Here's what I mean.

Put in what may be missing in your relationship. It may be mutual support or affirmation or encouragement or understanding or quality time together. You may not have outwardly appreciated your spouse enough. Then find ways to do so. You may never have given him reason to feel proud of himself. Encourage him in his achievements or whatever is important to him. Maybe you may not have boosted his ego often enough. If so, then lavish him with praise. Wife, believe me, your husband THRIVES on praise and well-deserved strokes of his ego, so be sure to tell and show him how great a guy he is. For sure you need to ignore his faults. Focus on his strengths. This is one sure way to win back his heart. And here's another sure way.

Be sure to speak one another's love language. If your husband responds to physical touch, caress him or touch him. If he likes words of encouragement, speak encouragement often to him. If he is the type that responds to acts of service, then be pro-active and do things for him. Likewise if it is quality time, spend the time and lastly if he responds best to giving gifts, make sure you surprise him often with gifts. In time, he will inevitably reciprocate the same to you. This is how you make each other feel good. I have written a FREE report, "Practical Tips on Improving Your Marriage" that you can download from http://www.savemarriagestoday.com.
Conclusion
It is never easy to deal with a cheating spouse. Doing all the above may take time and effort, but if done correctly would make your cheating spouse willingly break off the relationship with the third party. That is the ultimate goal in saving your marriage. After more than 20 years as a minister counseling couples facing marital problems, I sincerely desire that your marriage succeeds and brings you much happiness and blessedness.

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It's not easy to bring back the trust you have for your spouse who cheats on you. For me, the best remedy to save your marriage is to forgive.

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Dealing With Marriage Crisis

2009-11-10T07:40:00.000-08:00

A marriage is not a bed of roses and even if it were, roses also have thorns. Getting into a marriage with a mind-set that you will not get any trouble can only be termed as suicidal. In fact, marriage is just the beginning of problem. But we can not run away from problems and crisis. We have the responsibility to ensure that ensure that the things that happen to us are beneficial and avoid being victims of circumstances. How can this be done?

Majority of marriage problems may be bigger in scope than you can ever imagine. What you are seeing as the problem may not be the actual problem and so you need to adjust your mind early and get to the root cause. This means that you need to go into the problem having already set to handle the worst.

There are no secrets in this world and both parties to the marriage must be ready to disclose all the material facts. This means that everyone must have the willingness to solve the problem by getting into its root cause. Be informed that if you try to suppress any information during a crisis, it will eventually be disseminated and the other party will see it as lack of faithfulness.

Most crisis end officially with the settlement of some kind and this must be accompanied by a sacrifice from one or both parties. After the crisis come the clean up, clean up means change and often accompanied by promises.

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There's no secret to a perfect marriage. Every relationship encounters hardship, misunderstanding, crisis etc. Just talk about your problem and try to solve it as early as you can.

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Tips on How To Rejuvenate Your Marriage

2009-11-08T08:10:00.000-08:00

Is your marriage one that makes you unhappy, full of stress and you get the feeling that it has been a mistake? It is a very well known fact nowadays that about 50% of marriages end up in divorce, so you would not be an exception, but you do not have to be part of that sad statistic. Commitment to rejuvenate marriage is a worthy goal and if you and your partner are committed you can reach a new rejuvenated marriages filled with love and happiness.

Studies have show that the most common shortcoming in failed marriages is the lack of communication. How can you expect your partner to know what pleases you and what upsets you. When you married you did not marry a mind reader who knows exactly what you like, how and when you like it. This fortifies the premise that communication is the number one requirement to rejuvenate your marriage.

Saving your marriage or improve the depth of your relationship will bring you the end result you had envisioned when you entered into matrimony. The marriage partners experience several changes in lifestyle various strains and if not addressed when they occur can lead to a growing apart of the couple. Be open and clear with your partner, share your thoughts and feelings so that your partner will have no doubt in your sincerity and desire to reach a new understanding and a rejuvenated marriage with passionate love that you once experienced.
Communicating candidly and honestly reduces the possibility that someone feels deceived or misinformed and could certainly help build up your marriage relationship significantly.
To get to a higher, more intense form of communication, a new dimension, one that is practiced by only a few people, must be added to the process.

In addition to just talking (instructing), listening (learning) to the other must be practiced and make a priority. That is taking note of what is being said by your partner, how often is a word repeated, what importance seems to be given to certain thoughts and suggestions. Good listening is not only hearing what is said, but also analyzing what was not said but implied through careful phrasing and lastly by reading the body language of your partner.

Even though the above suggestions will have to be practiced during the course of every day it would greatly help when you boost this by setting aside some time for serious discussions with your partner. Find a quiet place where you cannot be disturbed and if you have young children get a babysitter and go out to a private place.
If that is not practical, at least choose a time when you will have the least amount of distractions. Wait until the children are in bed, turn off your cell phones, and take your phone off the hook. An untimely phone call could ruin the moment and cause you to lose momentum. This quality discussion time is fundamental to a good marriage and should be given the proper reverence.

If your marriage is not what you have been looking for start listening and play close attention and try to uncover the real desires of your partner. Ask questions and be sure that what you think you understand from the discussions is what your partner’s real innermost desires are. If this seems to be unusual and embarrassing, remember you are talking to your best friend with the objective to become more closely connected and move forward to a new rejuvenated marriage.

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Every couple experiences difficulties in their marriage. It' normal that sometimes your husband and wife upsets you, always think on the brighter side. Communication is the best solution, talk on your differences and your problems with each other.
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Tips To Save Your Marriage By Creating Intimacy

2009-11-06T07:54:00.000-08:00

When your marriage is on the rocks you must believe that there are proven ways to save it from ending in divorce. If you easily give up and don't think that what you can do can make a world of difference then it will most likely fail. Right now, everything is possible and you can definitely save your marriage.

A common missing ingredient for marriages in trouble is a lack of intimacy. For a marriage to be happy there must be a level of intimacy that goes beyond the physical and wholeheartedly embraces the emotional. Ask yourself this, does my marriage suffer from a lack of intimacy?

Do you share your thoughts and feelings with your spouse? Or maybe you like to deal with things on your own and don't openly discuss the issues that you have in your relationship. If you put a wall between you and your spouse emotionally, then your marriage suffers from a lack of intimacy and you need to bring it back so you can fix what is missing.

Be sure to make an effort to share your problems and uncertainties with your partner. Most people are troubled and anxious with certain situations. They would rather keep it to themselves and don't involve their spouse when in fact this could be detrimental to the marriage in the future.

Remember, spouses can very easily sense when something is wrong and if you exclude them, they quickly begin to feel shut out and redundant and that's when hurt can quickly find its way into a marriage.

A good way to bring back intimacy into your marriage is to make time for each other. In these modern times there are a lot of things you can do to strengthen your relationship. If you dont allot time for one another, then dont expect your relationship to last. Don't be surprised if you wake up one day to find out that your marriage is over because you were too busy with building you career and taking care of the kids.

If you are determined to keep your marriage from failing then you have to make sure you spend quality time with your spouse and marriage. Try an unplanned fun date with your spouse by taking the afternoon off. Your partner realizes that they mean a lot to you because you went to such extents of changing your daily routine just to include them. You should start to see some improvements in your marriage.

Maintaining a certain level of intimacy in a marriage should be a work in progress. Don't think that things will work out naturally even you have issues that needs to be addressed. A marriage that is always full of intimacy can definitely continue to flourish.

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Keeping the spark after so many years being together is a common problem that couples encountered in their marriage. It's up to you on how to make that intimacy stay in your marriage, talk about it and just enjoy each other.

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10 minutes that may save your marriage

2009-11-04T07:52:00.000-08:00

When you have kids, you can get so caught up with trying to keep them organized that it is easy forget to take time for both yourself and your partner. This makes it easy to lose touch with your partner, or let things you might have argued about go unresolved. These unresolved issues tend to build up over time, and when they bubble to the surface, the result is an even greater argument and distancing from your partner.

There is a solution that is easy to write on paper (or virtual paper), but difficult to put into practice. You have to be strict and determined with this one, and make a point of doing it every day.

What is it?

The solution is to spend at least ten minutes of one-on-one time with your partner every single day. That’s right, ten minutes, every single day. One-on-one. Meaning, no kids, no distractions, maybe a glass of wine. These ten minutes will work wonders for you and could save your marriage.

This is easier said than done. If you have kids, they will need to play alone or with each other during this time. If you have a baby, you will probably need to spend this time together when the baby is napping.

Your kids will need to understand that they cannot interrupt you during this time either. This is “Mommy and Daddy Time.” The kids get your attention all day, hopefully they can last 10 minutes out of the entire day without it.

What do you do in these ten minutes?

During these ten minutes, you give each other your undivided attention. Try and relax, talk to each other about your day and understand one another. Discuss what is on your mind or discuss any arguments that you had that might have gone unresolved (don’t start the argument all over again, but try to understand from each other what caused the argument and what you can each do better next time).

What is important is that you are there for each other, you are paying attention to each other and you are communicating with each other!

If you do this every day, you will find that you understand each other better and will feel closer to one another. If you do this early in the evening, you will find that you will tend to be more relaxed throughout the evening and better able to deal with each other, the kids, and any issues that might arise.

Try and keep it regular and on schedule. If you start skipping times, you will lose the rhythm and it will be hard to get started again. It may not always be possible, but try and spend this time together as often as you possibly can. You will definitely see the benefits of it.

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That's true, most of the time we forget to have time for our husband and wife. Taking 10 minutes of your time will make a difference in your marriage.

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How to Decide if Your Marriage is Worth Saving

2009-11-01T09:15:00.000-08:00

If your marriage is in trouble it's time to take an honest look as to why. Can the problems be worked out or is it time to consider ending the marriage? How do you decide if your marriage is worth saving?

How to Decide if Your Marriage is Worth Saving
Step 1

Recognize physical or emotional abuse. Physical abuse is easy to recognize. The one question to ask yourself is, "Am I afraid of my spouse?" If the answer is yes, it is time to end the marriage. Many choose to ignore or do not recognize emotional abuse. Some common signs of emotional abuse are constant criticism, berating, insulting, treating as inferior or a servant, demanding gratitude and isolation from family and friends. Anything that makes you feel bad about yourself on a regular basis can be considered emotional abuse.

If you have an abusive spouse that is unwilling to seek help, you can only expect the abuse to get worse. It is time to end the marriage. Don't wait until it's too late. The National Domestic Violence Hotline, 800-799-7233 (ndvh.org)offers referrals and advice.
Step 2

Acknowledge infidelity. Many couples are able to work through the feelings of betrayal that an affair brings. If you or your spouse feel that over time this transgression can be forgiven then your marriage is worth saving. If not, it is probably better to end the marriage.

Step 3

Question your true feelings and answer them honestly to yourself. Are you still in love with your spouse or are you in love with the idea of marriage? Do you enjoy being with your spouse or does time together leave you irritated, depressed or wishing you were alone or somewhere else? Do you respect your spouse and feel supportive in values and beliefs?
Step 4

Connect problems that recur. A pattern of fighting over trivial matters, disagreeing about everything, cruel teasing, refusal to work on major issues, an unwillingness to compromise and always bringing up past hurts indicates that there are some serious problems in the marriage that may be beyond repair.

Step 5

Measure the intimacy in your marriage. Intimacy is defined as a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person. Does this describe how you feel toward your spouse or do you try to avoid affection and personal contact?

Step 6

Inspect other relationships to see if the problems in your marriage are affecting how you relate to others and how you do your job. If others get a sense of sadness, moodiness, frustration, anger, fear, inattentiveness or impatience from you it might be time to end the marriage.

Step 7

Appraise your own health. How is your stress level? Are you sleeping well? Eating properly? Exercising regularly? Attending to personal hygiene as you once did? If the problems in your marriage are having an effect on your personal health it might be time to end it.
Step 8

Seek counsel if you and your spouse have come to a point where you can no longer communicate. Sometimes an outsider can offer perspectives on problems that seem hopeless.
Step 9

Determine to give your all to your marriage for a designated period of time. Make your best effort and really try to improve your marriage. If at the end of this time you still feel hopeless, you will have a feeling of closure knowing you did your best to save the marriage.

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Every marriage is worth saving. It's not too late to save yours. Communicate with your husband and wife, talk about your problems and differences. Stay calm.

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Five Wise Ways To Save Your Marriage

2009-10-30T22:47:00.000-07:00

There are many things that couples can do to save their marriage. Although circumstances for each marriage are different, what I'm going to discuss in this article applies to every marriage.

1. Be Willing To Work on Your Marriage

Couples need to be willing to pick up the pieces and work with their spouse. Humble yourselves to each other. So many times couples blame one another for the disarray of the marriage because they are hurting inside. No one wants to feel hurt, pain and suffering. But what happens when we don't even try to forgive? The broken pieces of the marriage remain on the floor!

If no one is willing to pick up the pieces the marriage will remain broken. Negative emotions, past baggage, guilt and vulnerability will be carried with you into the next marriage or relationship. Don't think that remarriage is going to make you happy or solve your problems. That's not reality. The reality is you can pick up the pieces and resolve your martial problems and be a better marriage partner because of it.

2. Change Attitude From "Don't Care" to Committed

So how do you change an attitude from "don't care" to committed? You just do it. Understand that you probably walked into the marriage with non-commitment, even though your feelings told you otherwise. This day and age, many of us have not been taught the value of marriage, and many of us don't know what the bible says about marriage. This "don't care" attitude about the sanctity of marriage is what is killing marriages and families. What does God say about marriage? God says marriage is for a lifetime.

3. Forgive and Encourage Daily

Realize it's not just the big things that need forgiveness, but the everyday small things too. Forgiveness works very closely with acceptance. In marriage couples need to accept and tolerate the person they married. Forgive your husband for leaving the toilet seat up and watching too much television. Forgive your wife for not being a good cook or house cleaner. Do these small things really mean an end to the marriage?

We all have areas that need improved on. The best way to improve on ourselves is to encourage each other. Does that seem backwards to you? It is not backwards when you look at the big picture. When you encourage the person you married, you will be lifting them up in spirit, and in turn, they will see the positive aspects in you and do the same. Couples absolutely need to encourage one another every day. Instead of finding fault and bringing each other down, find the good in one another and bring each other up.

4. Appreciate Each Other More

This area in marriage is greatly lacking. Do you want to know why? Some of us take our marriage and everything in it for granted. Some of us never stop to think about all that our spouse does for us. Do we expect too much from the person we married. We somehow think that if only they would do this, or change to be like that, then we would be happy. But this kind of thinking is not reality, is it?

Stop and notice your marriage. When was the last time you told your spouse how much you appreciate them for all they do? Don't let the doldrums of marriage make you emotionally lazy. Show your appreciation in acts of kindness and love every single day of your marriage.

5. Realize Who The Creator of Marriage Is

Jesus Christ has already laid out the architectural design for a Christian marriage. He has given us the wisdom and the knowledge to live marriage God's way! If we manage our marriage under our own understanding it will have difficulties and possibly fail. We absolutely have to put God first so we can understand how to love the person we married in the ways of Christ. God is the Master Architect of marriage and for a happy marriage we need to base our actions on His design.

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Make God as the center of your relationship and you'll surpass every trials in your marriage.

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Honey, did you hear me? Why men don’t listen?

2009-10-27T22:03:00.000-07:00

Differences between the male and female brain are to blame, says Dr. Robi Love by the numbers

“Why doesn’t he listen to me?’ “Why can’t he remember what I tell him?” “What is it with him and that remote control?”

Sound familiar? Yep, I thought so. It’s not uncommon for women to feel that their partner is not listening to them. This is not to say that all men refuse to listen, but it’s a common enough trend among them to at least raise this issue.

When I told some of my male friends I’d be looking at this topic, I asked them for their thoughts and insights about men and their ability — or inability — to listen. Many of them laughed a knowing laugh, while others agreed, “It’s because you gals don’t get to the point fast enough.” Here are some of the common complaints men had about their partners’ “conversational style”:

* Women talk too much.
* Men assume they’ve heard it all before.
* They feel their partners are yelling or nagging them about something.
* The topic at hand is really not that interesting (ouch!).
* Or simply: They are more pressing matters to attend to.

According to some of the current research out there, it’s our brains that are to blame. And this difference may start even before we’re born. Testosterone (for men) and estrogen (for women) flood our fetal brains, which leads to marked differences in brain development and neural connections. Male brains tend to have less area for word use and word production. The male brain also produces less serotonin and oxytocin than the female brain. Serotonin helps to calm us down and oxytocin helps us with bonding behaviors.

So what does this all really mean? Men may not take in as much conversation as women do, because they have fewer verbal centers designated for it. This may also make the man in your life want to end conversations quicker than their female partners do. The male brain may also rejuvenate differently than the female brain. Men like to rest and chill out more than women do. Women may want to bond at the end of the day to rejuvenate and feel connected, because of the oxytocin found in their brains. So what’s the answer? We know that couples who don’t listen to each other eventually head for disaster, so that’s clearly NOT an option. Here are some tips to help the ladies out with the men in their lives:

* Timing may be everything. Think about the best time to bring up important discussions. It’s probably wise to wait till he’s done with the TV or newspaper before having your say.

* Keep it short and to the point. And remember, the end of the evening may not be the best time to go into details.

* Pause regularly and maintain eye contact to make sure your partner is still listening to you.
For the guys out there: Remember, your partner is not giving you a final exam. Women just want to be emotionally supported and attended to. If you communicate that you care and get the emotions behind your partner’s story, your efforts will be greatly appreciated and probably rewarded, too. Now that doesn’t sound too hard, does it? The bottom line is: We all want to feel important and loved in the right way … and nothing beats talking to and finding a way to hear your partner, in order to achieve that very worthy goal.

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It is important for couple to listen to one another so they could understand each others feelings. Men are insensitive at times maybe they are born to be like that, women should make some move to make their husband listen to them.

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Protect and Save Your Marriage: Learn to Dance

2009-10-26T18:59:00.000-07:00

Cultures around the world create social dances as an expression of male and female relationships. The dances look different in Europe, North America and Latin America; just as the relationships between men and women look different in those cultures. At the core of all dance is communication. Two people, with different roles, working together to form a better union – in life or on the dance floor.

Compared to many other countries, American men are expected to lead more by example rather than force. Unfortunately some men are raised to be bullies and brutes. In America, communication between men and women is more open, often creating a deep level of trust. These traits can be seen in the dances America has created; primarily Lindy Hop and West Coast Swing. West Coast Swing evolved from its big brother, Lindy Hop, as music morphed from Big Band into pop, blues, and hip hop. These dances rely heavily on “leading” and “following” according to set rules, with a huge amount of space allowed for individual expression and the ability to create and find direction as-you-go.

There are two primary forms of dance. The first is individual dance and the second is partner dance. Individual dance is all about you. Basically, individual dance is a “Look at me. Look at me.” art form. In contrast, partner dancing is more about the connection that people share in dance. Individual dance is about “me” and partner dancing is about “us” or “you and me”. Partner dancing is an incredible expressive, experiential and action method that provides a wonderful metaphor and example for building positive relationships. This is important. Dancing allows people to behave in ways that can change relationships.

West Coast Swing

Virtually all partner dancing is a means to deepen, strengthen and learn the responsibility of relationships. West Coast swing is one of the very best, most interesting, creative and fun dances you can learn. But there are others. Salsa is another. And there is Tango. But we are going to focus on West Coast Swing because you can use this dance with all sorts of music including smooth jazz, hip-hop, street music and even many types of rap.

So we are going to tell you what West Coast Swing has to offer people who want to have better marriages or to become a better parent, spouse, friend or lover.

A successful relationship recognizes that the role of leadership must be taken by one person at a time; not both. In West Coast Swing, men lead and women follow. But even this is not absolute. The role of leadership will at times pass back and forth, but each person leads in their own way. Initiative or creativity may pass from one to the other. Ultimately, the question of direction should come from one person consistently. For the sake of space, we will set aside the discussion of natural or created roles and assume the lead role of this dance drama to be played by the man. (But in reality, a woman can lead in a manner that is called “back-leading” whereby a woman’s greater awareness and personal decisions in the dance leads that man in ways that are not obvious to the casual observer. In partnership, and with every great dance team, there is a woman who can either lead or follow; but she chooses to follow.)

There are 4 key principles in partner dancing. Knowing these, as we learn dance, can help you understand, deepen and appreciate the importance and responsibility of your relationships with others.

Asking

The concept of a respectful relationship and sensitive interaction can be difficult to teach, especially to people who have never experienced such a relationship as a child or young adult. It is even more difficult to comprehend if that person was neglected or abused. The concept of “Asking” is quit different from demanding. The ultimate expression of “asking” is one where the response is invariably “Yes, I would love to.” This goes to heart of West Coast Swing. The “Ask” goes like this. Take your partner’s hand, creating the lightest possible connection, relax your arm, center your body, feel the music, find the count, move from your center on the one count… and your already in a relationship. There is no yanking, pulling, jerking, or muscling. It is a beautiful perfectly timed moment that begins a flight of movement where you feel totally present, connected, playful and like you are communicating. These physical movements directly teach people how important a beginning, a request and communication can be. Little things matter. Marriage, at least often, is about asking, and definitely not demanding, arguing, debating and forcing your spouse to follow.

Lead and Follow

As a leader on the dance floor, a man must learn how to lead in such a way that the woman wants to follow. His lead must be respectful, unambiguous, and must be at the appropriate time. He invites, rather than demands, and then he waits and allows her to complete her own movement. She is in charge of herself. There is no pulling involved; no fight over timing. He is listening to music and he leads her on the “1” of the musical phrase. His lead comes from his body; his core, and his heart. He leads by example, first moving himself, then inviting her to move with him. He never stands still and pulls her across the floor. Imagine a military officer, who is used to yelling orders to his soldiers, talking to his wife the same way. He would be faced with an unhappy wife – or divorce papers. On the dance floor, his lead is gentle and she can tell he’s aware of her. She feels cared for and therefore obliges with grace and a smile.

When a woman feels respected and loved, she is open to being asked and she will naturally and often say yes. In dance, like marriage, there is already a willingness to ask and be asked. If not, then problems are likely to surface. A women does not need to lead if the direction is clear. She actually knows that she has much more interesting, challenging and rewarding things to do. Her role is not just to respond but also to “run her own life” on the dance floor. She knows how to hold her hand, her frame, how to move her center when he initiates a movement and so she moves on her own power. She is balanced so she does not depend on him for her movement. She doesn’t use him to help her move across the floor. She keeps her center over her feet so when he asks her to move, she reacts from her core and glides easily. Essentially she is an independent, balanced entity, but she chooses to connect with him and let him guide. She can walk away at any moment if she wants and not lose her balance. The connection is gentle, powerful and without force. It is a healthy partnership.

Connection and Communication

Partner dancing happens from your center, just as life communication happens from the heart. However the partners are connected by about four feet of arms and hands, which makes the issue a bit more difficult. Arms and fingers can distract from the important communication happening in the center, therefore how both partners hold their fingers is just as important as how a person speaks and listens in a conversation. The lead must be clear, with enough tension to “say” something to her but without unnecessary movements feel and that sounds like “babbling”. If he constantly moves his hand when he is not intending to lead a move, she will quickly learn that he likes to babble and she will ignore him. Likewise, the woman’s arm must be loose so she can “hear” what he’s saying. If she tenses the muscles in her arm, it is as if she is interrupting the conversation and she’s unable to listen.

The Play

Within his lead a man leaves more space for her to play. A man actually does not get to play as much. If he plays to much, the dance looks foolish. Women are almost always better dancers and more fun to watch. She adds the fun stuff; the sensuality and spice to the dance. His lead is sometimes direct, other times open-ended. Since she’s listening, she can tell when he’s creating her free time to play. He is thinking about her, himself, where they might go next and whether or not he can lead her is a way where she says “Yes!”

Every leader who is a beginner feels the pressure of being rejected. In time, his leadership will become more than leadership. It is harmony. The play of the dance is based on the music, so if both partners understand the music and know what’s coming, they know to expect the other person to react to a change in instruments or vocals or rhythm. They don’t know what the other person will do, but she’s ready for something that (hopefully) allows her to interpret the music. There are times when it’s appropriate for her to interrupt, with a signal, and add something he hadn’t thought of or didn’t hear in the music. The relationship is deeper and more worthwhile because of what she adds. But just like a conversation, an interruption should be relevant to what’s being “said”, or what he’s leading. She can enhance the dance with as much spice as she wants as long as she doesn’t take away from what he’s leading. Basically, she plays within the moves he leads. And almost without exception, she’s the prettier part of the pair and the one who warrants the most attention because she has the freedom to add color. If he stifles her, the dance will not flourish. If she steals the lead, synergy is quelled. But when a man and a woman know their roles and operate to their best within their framework, magic is created.

Therapy and Dance

Dance is not only an art form but a means of communication. Dance is also an interaction and expression of many things human. Therapists have studied and even incorporated dance as a therapy. This is not really hard to imagine, because if you dance, or are learning to dance, you will discover that dancing will cause many feeling and thoughts. Dance therapy is used as an expressive, experiential or action method. The way we move our body alone, or in public, is a deeply personal and sometimes a rewarding or threatening behavior. We learn a great deal when we move and especially when we move in relation with or to others. . We discover our self and others by dancing and watching others dance. We can learn a great deal about respect, responsibility, cooperation, collaboration and the achievement of goals.

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That's true. In marriage, you should dance together, meaning both of you should interact with one another. Talk about little things after work at home, have a nice date, talk about how you feel, take time with your kids, rekindle romance and listen to one another.

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How to Have an Inspired Marriage

2009-10-24T21:17:00.000-07:00

When we hear that a couple has an inspired marriage, words that come to mind are steadfast, resilient, stimulating, and motivating. Individuals in inspired marriages are generally steadfast and resilient folks who can motivate and stimulate not only themselves but their spouses as well.

How to Have an Inspired Marriage

According to Russell Bishop, three keys to having an inspired life are:

* Listen: Listen to what you say to yourself and to others.

* Awareness: Notice what you are experiencing.

* Intention and Focus: Know where to start and stay focused.

These three keys, listening, being aware, and staying focused, could also lead a couple to having an inspired marriage.

Why Should You Want an Inspired Marriage?

Having purpose and meaning to your individual lives is important to most people. Having purpose and meaning in your marriage can help remind you both of who you are and what you care deeply about. This awareness would give your marriage a solid foundation on which to make plans and make goals together.

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When you love each other being inspired is easy. It makes a difference when both of you are inspired in your relationship. It makes you stronger and feels like going to your old habit which is being stuck with one another.

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The Secret to Dealing With a Fork in the Road in Your Marriage

2009-10-22T21:11:00.000-07:00

Throughout your marriage journey with each other, the two of you will face the proverbial forks in the road. When you are at these crossroads, some of the decisions may be serious and life changing. Years later other forks in the road in your marriage will be hardly remembered. All the forks in the road will require you to make a decision.

You know you are facing a fork in the road in your marriage when you realize if the two of you don't make a decision to go one way or the other you will hit a brick wall. Sometimes you have a pretty good idea of where the paths lead. Other times you may feel as if you are leaping into a deep canyon without any idea of how far you have to jump.

The Secret About Forks in the Road

The most important thing to remember about forks in the road is to not hide your heads in the sand. When you come to a fork in the road, make a decision. Other tips to handling forks in the road:

* Accept that change happens and realize that not all forks in the road have negative consequences.

* If the fork in the road is due to the death of a loved one, allow yourself and your spouse the time and space to grieve. Accept that you both may grieve the loss in different ways.

* If the fork in the road is caused by a natural disaster such as a flood, hurricane, fire, or earthquake, be realistic about what you can and can't do and don't be in a rush to replace items.

* Keep a monthly journal. List the important decisions you make. Did you move, lose a job, get ill, purchase a pet, let go of a dream, have a child, have an extended visit from your in-laws, face a financial crisis, handled an issue such as pornography or infidelity in your marriage, take a vacation? At the ending of each year, reflect back on the year and talk with each other about the way the two of you handled the many forks in the road that you faced together.

What Forks in the Road Have You Faced?

Most forks in the road are unexpected although you can foresee some forks in the road such as when your last child leaves home or if one of you decides to return to college.

As we look back on our years together, some of the forks in the road that have impacted our marriage and changed our lives include the birth of our children, the death of three of our babies, our divorce and remarriage, going back to college, illness and recovery, deciding to move, changing jobs, becoming an empty nest couple, coping with aging parents, fires, and remodeling our home. What forks in the road have you faced together?

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In facing forks in your marriage, it's important that you still meet on the same path in the end.

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There is Hope for Your Marriage: Using the Differences as Opportunities to Grow

2009-10-20T19:43:00.000-07:00

Traditionally, when couples fight, have misunderstandings, discover a lack of things in common, or confront the challenge of incompatibility, their first instinct is to flee while rationalizing to themselves "this will never work, we're just too different." In The New Intimacy, Judith and Jim present a stark contrast to that perspective, illuminating that it's within the depths of those very differences where the most profound potential for real love lies, waiting to be awakened.

With commitment, courage, and the willingness to exchange stale, unconscious behavior patterns for fresh, healthy choices, you can learn how to transform the differences into catalysts for growth, instead of fodder for heartache. Based on the principles of The New Intimacy differences between partners can make lovers out of adversaries.

"Conscious Creativity" -- a nine step process to working through conflict rather than running away from it – is one of the techniques Judith and Jim advise practicing. Your goal is to co-create and discover a new way of being together, a resolution that satisfies both of you. Therefore, each of you need to speak your half of the problem and listen respectfully and with genuine curiosity to your partner's point of view.

1. Define the issue – truthfully express what is disturbing you in as much detail as possible.

2. Feel your feelings – experience and communicate your feelings as honestly and openly as you can in the moment you are feeling them.

3. Remember that you care – keep in mind that ongoing relationships are a mosaic made up of many facets, and there is more to your partner and your relationship than any one issue.

4. Beware of self-sabotage – stay aware of what's going on inside you during a rough spot in the relationship, don't allow old negative behavior patterns to swamp the present moment.

5. Change your mind – open yourself to the fact that any issue can be understood and interpreted in a variety of ways, otherwise you'll continue to stay in a rut and progressively dig the hole deeper with every conflict.

6. Take personal responsibility – ask yourself in what way or ways do you contribute to the situation that upsets you. Rarely if ever in an ongoing relationship does a difficulty arise that has not been contributed to by both partners.

7. Remember that your partner is not you – learn to internalize and understand that your partner is not you. Your resolutions will be respectful of your differences only when you both find ways to empathize with the other's point of view.

8. Be consciously creative – hold the other in your consciousness as you want to be held.
Appreciate and value the others experience in the ways that it is different from yours.

9. Seek both/ and solutions – as you seek a resolution, remember that you are two different people, and the resolution needs to reveal not an either/ or but a both/ and quality. Resolutions aren't about winning, they're about a process of respect and intimacy, growth and emergence.

Guard against the very dangerous belief that if you're having difficulty with your partner, that means your relationship is in trouble. More than likely it means your relationship needs a tune-up and an oil change. Only in romantic fantasy does everything go smoothly without attention, care and change.

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God will not give us trials that we cannot handle, bear it in your mind. You can get through all those trials just believe in yourself and hand it God.

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How to Save Your Marriage Before It's Too Late

2009-10-18T08:45:00.000-07:00

Prior to a legal divorce ensuing, the majority of couples undergo an emotional break-up. You should never try to stop a legal divorce - instead, you should try to turn it around. It is important to attempt to halt the emotional divorce. If you're searching for ways to save your marriage, I have a few simple recommendations.

The most important thing to pay attention to in saving your marriage is you. Not really in a selfish way, rather a self-serving way. Do not criticize your partner in a way that you are trying to fix them. Instead, look at yourself and center to their criticisms (without throwing out accusations) and better yourself. Spend time listening to your spouse and see what you can do to fix the problem.

Sometimes you must make personal changes instead of trying to fix your spouse. If you begin to change, your spouse will acknowledge and respond to these changes and begin changing themselves. If you can manage to avoid the things that your spouse is complaining about, there will be nothing for them to complain about. As long as you adjust to criticism that is launched, no more criticisms will follow. When you yield criticisms you are making your partner aggravated and you are digging yourself deeper into a soulful separation.

Consider how your spouse feels about you. Trying to remedy the situation can be painful and slow. When you let go, destructive feelings have the chance to diffuse. By arguing with your spouse, you just create negative memories and bad feelings that can grow over time. As long as you don't react in a negative manner, there won't be anything to expand on.

A marriage is a contract where you have to work. Improve yourself and then observe your partner improving themselves in return. Although these things may seem insignificant, these are some crucial ways to save your marriage-- give them a try!

Resolving conflicts can be incredibly trying both emotionally and physically. But, there is always HOPE!

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Everybody deserves a second chance. You can save your marriage as early as possible, as long as love and trust is within your relationship then it's not possible.

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Can A Trial Separation Save Your Marriage?

2009-10-16T09:12:00.000-07:00

No one should ever suffer loneliness and your soul mate is out there waiting for you, and if you look hard enough you will find each other. If you are already involved in a relationship you will find that it does need work from both partners, because no matter how compatible you are together, there will always be certain issues and relationship problems that will arise that must be addressed and resolved. Strong healthy relationships don't just happen; they are built on knowledge, compromise and sharing.

Relationships also need space otherwise they may stagnate and at certain times both partners need to have time alone to renew themselves. No doubt you have heard the common saying that if your partner comes back after the freedom of unconditional separation then you are meant to be together! Couples that have been together for a long time may have asked this question at some time or another. Can separation save your relationship? The honest answer to this question can only be given by yourselves and if you want to go your separate ways as a temporary measure, then the reasons must be investigated why you need time out of the relationship.

If your relationship is already a long standing one, then you may be considering the next step which is that of getting married. This is where separation can save a relationship because this temporary freedom may give you a better understanding of your feelings for your partner, and also whether you are prepared to continue with the relationship. No doubt you have heard the saying where a partner asks for space and time to think. Either the separation can save a relationship, or make the person realize that it is time to move on.

Long term relationships where both partners have accumulated assets together may be a little more complicated when you have both asked the question of whether separation can save your relationship. On the positive side separation can renew the bonds and feelings towards each other. However; if the realization is reached that partners wish to go their separate ways afterwards rather than continue with the relationship, then legal advice will have to be investigated so that the assets accumulated together can be divided between partners satisfactorily.

Whether separation can save a relationship or not, varies from couple to couple and the underlying reasons may come with an ulterior motive. Time alone from each other may be all that is necessary rather than a period of extended separation, and this should be enough to renew the feelings between each other and even strengthen the relationship as well.

Now, you and your partner may wonder whether separation can save a relationship; and your answers and reasons for the decision may be completely different. Being away from each other gives you time to think of your current relationship standing, the memories you have enjoyed together and the personal growth you have experienced through the relationship. For some couples that have had long term relationships the answer to the question whether separation can save a relationship is varied. Many will agree that some time out is healthy while others may consider it entirely unnecessary.

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Communication can help you solve your differences. Trial separation may help in some ways that you'll realize that you need each other, but it's better that you stick together and solve it on your own calming way.

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Save Your Marriage For Your Kids

2009-10-14T08:57:00.000-07:00

Getting separated or a divorced seems to be a very simple process, but it leaves a high impact on personal and family life of a person. The person undergoing this process may face lot of pain and stress and lose the personal as well as social stability.

It is extremely stressful experience especially for the children of divorcing parents, irrespective of sex and age. They could get mentally troubled and their future may get disfigured. For this reason, it is over and over again advised to rescue the marriage for the brood.

More often than not, the world of children is regulated by their parents and they are completely dependant on their parents for every one of their needs. What they necessitate in their growing age is fondness and security from their parents. When their parents assume the conclusion of partition, they emotionally possibly will collapse and become twitchy.

When the dilemma of child safekeeping happens in the court, it may turn into very complex for the child to prefer one of the parents by means of whom he/she is assumed to live with in forthcoming since the child loves both the parents evenly. In case of juvenile child, the court takes the verdict about the guardianship of child which may perhaps be potent for the child. For this reason, to look after the right of a child to have both the parents, you necessitate to save the marriage for the kids.

As the divorce influences the economical position of an individual, it possibly will turn out to be complex for a single parent to acquire appropriate care of a child. Given that, divorce or marriage separation is not in a social context accepted in some states, the child may perhaps feel uncomfortable. There may possibly be some tribulations in emotional bonding of children and parents. A child of divorced parents could experience a feeling of forceful anger, diffidence and isolation.

The costs of divorce affect approximately each facet of the children's lives such as emotions and manners coping skills, psychological progress and the parent-child bond. The children possibly will suffer helplessness and loneliness due to aggravation which may guide to some health problems such as sleep complicatedness.

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In making a decision, always prioritize your kids because in every decision you make especially in your relationship and your family they are the most affected.

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Who Will Save Your Marriage

2009-10-12T08:51:00.000-07:00

Finding a skilled marriage counselor who really cares about you and your marriage can be difficult. When considering relationship counseling, your self-esteem is often at its lowest point and when you experience constant bickering and arguments you may feel afraid that a divorce may be in your future.

You may also feel terrified and worry about the welfare of your kids. When you are suffering from a troubled marriage, the best thing you can do is reach out to a counselor.

Qualified relationship counselors come with various credentials. You should usually look for a licensed psychologist, clinical social worker or mental health counselor who specializes in marriage counseling. These highly trained counseling specialists have seen it all and can give you expert advice.

If you have never consulted a counselor before, but want to, you are probably feeling apprehensive. This is absolutely normal.

After all, you will be revealing to a stranger some of the most intimate and personal details of your life and it may be embarrassing and painful. But a new chance at a full and loving marriage is well worth the chance.

To start, make a list of the features you are seeking in a counselor. For example, reflect on what you might like about your family physician.

You should be most concerned about finding someone with the right credentials and with whom you have a good rapport. You may need to find someone with flexible hours who can accommodate a hectic schedule.

For most, it is important to have a knowledgeable counselor with an excellent reputation and years of experience. A good counselor should treat you with respect, patience, sensitivity, and courtesy.

Before your first visit, take the time to prepare a list of questions. Pick someone with whom you feel comfortable talking and with whom you will be able to carry on an open dialogue.

If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask. Good marriage counselors want you to be prepared and to demonstrate an active interest in the process.

If you find your counselor stiff, rigid or difficult to talk to, consider finding a new one. You should never feel rushed, ignored, or unable to ask questions.

Let your counselor know about any anxiety or nervousness. This can help him or her to be acutely aware of your needs and often results in a better consultation.

After deciding to take this important step, here are some additional tips. For example, if the cost of treatment is paramount, consult your health insurance or employee assistance program at work to see if they cover counseling.

Also, you may be restricted to a specific network of professionals. If so, get the roster and then make an appointment as early as possible.

When perusing the list, remember that a well-trained marriage counselor must be either a psychologist, social worker, marriage and family therapist or mental health counselor who is licensed in your state to practice independently.

This licensure often requires the passage of an oral examination and/or a comprehensive written exam. He or she will have graduated from an accredited graduate school and have completed specialized training.

Another thing to look for is membership in a major professional association. These include The American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, The American Counseling Association and The National Association of Social Workers.

Members of these organizations often receive continuing education classes and must remain in good standing to remain members. Also, select a seasoned marriage counselor, one with experience. The one with many years experience is more apt to make an accurate assessment and provide the best services.

Marriage counselors usually do not believe that people should enter counseling with the primary goal of trying to change their partners. It is frustrating, does not work and often makes things worse!

Remember, the ONLY person you can really change is yourself and sometimes that is not so easy either! One of the most horrendous mistakes you can make is to get married to an incompatible person thinking that you will be able to change him/her!

Also, sometimes only one person is motivated to pursue counseling or really improve the relationship. How can you deal with a difficult marriage when your partner does not want to change?

What do you do if you have a spouse who has a serious behavior problem i.e. compulsive drugging, drinking, spending, raging, or inability to hold a job, verbal or physical abusivness, infidelity etc. And what if he/she is not willing to go to counseling or work on the marriage?

What do you do? Some experts believe a marriage can become much better even if a difficult spouse never changes.

How? By working on oneself-by learning to HANDLE your spouses flaws more effectively i.e. not blaming, not allowing yourself to become over-involved in your partners problems, detaching yourself from the troublesome aspects of your spouses life, and even going to support groups and counseling to learn how to achieve all of this.

When your spouse is uncooperative, it is imperative to assess your expectations to determine how you alone can still be a positive force in your children's lives and your relationship. However, there are no easy answers.

Much depends on how much you are willing to sacrifice to keep your marriage from falling apart. Most professionals would contend, however, that if your resistant spouse is causing you to be dysfunctional in maintaining your physical or mental health, or at home, in your job or with your kids or friends, it might be best or even necessary, to develop a plan to end the relationship.

One absolute rule is to not endanger yourself or your kids by remaining in an abusive relationship. The imperative of saving lives comes before that of saving your marriage.

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I believe that husband and wife should solve their problems together. But if that's not the case, anyone who is willing to save their relationship and fix their problems can also help. As long as you wanted to save it you can find ways to rekindle your relationship.

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How Divorce Affects Children

2009-10-10T08:42:00.000-07:00

Constant fighting with your spouse and a seemingly broken marriage can prompt you to think about separation or divorce. But what happens if you have children in your family? If you are considering getting a divorce and you have children, you might want to think about how they will be affected. Here are some aspects children and divorce that should be considered, as referred to from the Children and Divorce website.

Insecurity and Disillusion

Children may appear to be naturally resilient. At young ages, children seem to have the priorities of having playtime and loving their parents. But a divorce can also wreck their sense of security and cause disillusionment. Instead of knowing that they have two loving parents in one home, children will feel that something is missing when mommy or daddy is permanently out of the home. They know when the picture is no longer complete and may find other ways to compensate for the negative internal feelings. Children will also start to question lessons taught by mom and dad such as “we will always be together”, “always talk nicely to those you love” and “you can always work out an argument through talking”.

Blame

Kids can sometimes feel to be the blame of divorce, especially if they hear arguments over child-rearing activities. During separation periods, kids can feel they are the blame for custody arguments. And no matter what parents tell them, children may still feel deep on the inside that it is their fault.

Picking Sides

Children could also be forced to pick sides. Although some parents may never say it out loud, there are those who can create conflict in a child by having different priorities at each home. Parents who compete in a one-upsmanship game with the kids could create a mom versus dad conflict.

Friendship Circles

Friendship circles can be completely disrupted through divorce. Friends are often the rocks that children lean on and count on. Friends commonly seen when the families were together may never be seen again, especially if parents with primary custody move away. For children that are in a shared custody agreement, new friends must be made. Grandparents suffer from divorce, too. Children may not see the ex spouse’s grandparents if the parents relocate.

Should You Divorce?

The obvious answer is that there is no one true answer. Continuing to live in a marriage full of pain, lacking love and constant arguments could create an air of despair that children may not need to live in. But a divorce too soon where no effort was made to save the marriage could create the situations listed above. If your marriage is in trouble, consider taking every step possible to figure out if it can be saved before taking the permanent decision of divorce.

And wherever possible, take a united front in parenting for the sake of the kids. This means communicating and adhering to common bedtimes, disciplinary tactics and established routines agreed upon that will happen at both homes. Refrain from negatively discussing about one parent in front of the other. If an argument is to be had, have it away from their ears. Finally, don’t just remind your kids that divorce isn’t their fault; show them through love and building their confidence in you.

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Your children are most affected when divorce happened. If you can talk it through do it. Your children's lives matter most, they need both of you. Settle everything as long as you can. Divorce is not a solution to your problem.

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There are ways of saving your marriage before it starts

2009-10-08T01:45:00.000-07:00

One way of saving your marriage before it starts is to build a hedge of protection around your new relationship. What not all newlyweds realize is that it’s important to protect your marriage from outside influences that have the power to undermine all of the love and hard work you are bringing to your growing relationship. Here are three ways of saving your marriage before it starts:

Step 1 – Communicate

Saving your marriage before it starts begins with you two talking about what you expect from each other and from yourselves. How will you each protect your marriage, and what would you like to ask each other to do? For example, are there certain behaviors you want to highlight that make you somewhat uncomfortable because of the temptation they present? Just brainstorm together about ways you can guard yourselves and your marriage and fully live out your commitment to each other. That’s the first step of saving your marriage before it starts.

Step 2 – Pledge

The second suggestion for saving your marriage before it starts is to write a pledge to each other about what you will each do, personally, to protect your marriage from infidelity. Write them out and verbally commit to acting on your pledge. (A quick note of caution here: be realistic as you choose the pledges you make to each other. For example, it’s not going to be possible to avoid ever talking to someone of the opposite sex. But you can promise to avoid saying anything that could be construed as flirtatious, or as critical of your mate.)

Step 3 – Live your commitment

Saving your marriage before it starts is ultimately about putting into practice what you’ve communicated and pledged to each other. Yes, communication and promises are important in a new marriage. But ultimately, saving your marriage before it starts comes down to the decision and your ability to actually live out the vows you’ve made to each other. So right now, as you begin this most-important of relationships, make the decision that your vows are a sacred duty that you will uphold day by day, and moment by moment. Then you’ll be well on your way to saving your marriage before it starts.

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Stick to what is right. Save your marriage. Talk about your problems and differences, you can solve it as early as you want, communication is the key.

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How to Decide if Your Marriage is Worth Saving

2009-10-06T23:59:00.000-07:00

If your marriage is in trouble it's time to take an honest look as to why. Can the problems be worked out or is it time to consider ending the marriage? How do you decide if your marriage is worth saving?

Step 1

Recognize physical or emotional abuse. Physical abuse is easy to recognize. The one question to ask yourself is, "Am I afraid of my spouse?" If the answer is yes, it is time to end the marriage. Many choose to ignore or do not recognize emotional abuse. Some common signs of emotional abuse are constant criticism, berating, insulting, treating as inferior or a servant, demanding gratitude and isolation from family and friends. Anything that makes you feel bad about yourself on a regular basis can be considered emotional abuse.

If you have an abusive spouse that is unwilling to seek help, you can only expect the abuse to get worse. It is time to end the marriage. Don't wait until it's too late. The National Domestic Violence Hotline, 800-799-7233 (ndvh.org) offers referrals and advice.

Step 2

Acknowledge infidelity. Many couples are able to work through the feelings of betrayal that an affair brings. If you or your spouse feel that over time this transgression can be forgiven then your marriage is worth saving. If not, it is probably better to end the marriage.

Step 3

Question your true feelings and answer them honestly to yourself. Are you still in love with your spouse or are you in love with the idea of marriage? Do you enjoy being with your spouse or does time together leave you irritated, depressed or wishing you were alone or somewhere else? Do you respect your spouse and feel supportive in values and beliefs?

Step 4

Connect problems that recur. A pattern of fighting over trivial matters, disagreeing about everything, cruel teasing, refusal to work on major issues, an unwillingness to compromise and always bringing up past hurts indicates that there are some serious problems in the marriage that may be beyond repair.

Step 5

Measure the intimacy in your marriage. Intimacy is defined as a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person. Does this describe how you feel toward your spouse or do you try to avoid affection and personal contact?

Step 6

Inspect other relationships to see if the problems in your marriage are affecting how you relate to others and how you do your job. If others get a sense of sadness, moodiness, frustration, anger, fear, inattentiveness or impatience from you it might be time to end the marriage.

Step 7

Appraise your own health. How is your stress level? Are you sleeping well? Eating properly? Exercising regularly? Attending to personal hygiene as you once did? If the problems in your marriage are having an effect on your personal health it might be time to end it.

Step 8

Seek counsel if you and your spouse have come to a point where you can no longer communicate. Sometimes an outsider can offer perspectives on problems that seem hopeless.

Step 9

Determine to give your all to your marriage for a designated period of time. Make your best effort and really try to improve your marriage. If at the end of this time you still feel hopeless, you will have a feeling of closure knowing you did your best to save the marriage.

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Every marriage is worth saving. Do whatever you can to save your family and your relationship. It lies on both of you, every problems has it's own solutions.

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6 Easy Steps to Rebuild Intimacy in Your Relationship

2009-10-04T01:33:00.000-07:00

You feel your relationship is suffering a little and you think both of you aren’t on the same wavelength anymore. You think the relationship is worth saving, but you don’t know how to bridge the gap between you both to rebuild the intimacy you desire.

If you feel the relationship is worth saving and worth the effort to get it to grow, there are some things you can do in order to heal the wounds and move forward together as a strong couple.

1. Talk things out with each other. Always let the other person know what your feelings are, what you want out of life and things you would like to do. You have to remember that your partner can’t read your mind and will need you to tell them what you want. If they don’t know, how are they going to give you what you need in the relationship?

2. Be open and honest. Don’t waste time and effort trying to play mind games with your partner. You can’t expect them to read between the lines and know that when you say, “I’m fine,” it really means you’re fuming inside. The longer you take to get the truth to the surface, the longer it will be until you’re in a truly happy relationship.

3. Trust one another. Trust is what makes a relationship grow into a healthy one and allows intimacy to come into play. Without trust, a relationship will only continue on a destructive path and prevent true intimacy from becoming a part of your partnership.

4. Spend some “we” time together as a couple without your family and friends tagging along with you. In order for a relationship to flourish, it needs you to spend a little time with each other - basically getting to know one another - and what your likes and dislikes are.

When you feel you know your partner well enough, intimacy will come much easier when others aren’t trying to get in your way. And don’t think that just because you’ve known your partner for 15 years, then you still know what it is they like and don’t like – people change over time and so do their preferences.

5. Go on a romantic trip together. Pick a spot that you can have some fun together while getting to know your lover a little more. A trip can help eliminate stress in a relationship and allows you to be more yourself with your partner.
You can be more relaxed with him or her, which breaks down the walls and allows intimacy to come through. Also, couples who took vacations reported a happier marriage overall than those who hadn’t been on a trip together in the last six years.

6. Be flexible with each other. You’ll need a little give and take in your relationship. If you expect your partner to go to a play with you when they’re not interested in the activity, then you should be willing to do something with them that you’re not interested in. Give and take is an excellent way to build intimacy in your relationship.
Building intimacy doesn’t have to be that hard to do. As long as both partners work to bridge the gap, they can build a healthy relationship that could involve a healthy level of closeness and compatibility.

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Rebuilding intimacy can help to save your marriage, you should give more time with each other, talk about anything and share what you feel.

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Prayers can save your marriage

2009-10-02T23:06:00.000-07:00

Save our marriages. Together we can win the fight to save our marriages.

Lord,

Thank you for being here among us and giving us hope and comfort and knowledge that with YOU, all is possible. Even the heart of a wicked person can be softened and saved because you love all your children and give grace to those who will seek you and repent.

All of us here want to restore our marriages and make them become what you intended marriage to be. Some of us have done wrong and sinned against you, but have asked your forgiveness and see the wrongness of our ways. Some of us have had spouses that have done wrong, and need to have your strength within us to learn to forgive as you have forgiven us; some of us have spouses that may be continuing to do wrong, and we need your help in getting them to see that any way that is not your way, is the wrong way.

Lord please help us to look to you and then know that we can trust you to fix things for us in YOUR time, your perfect time, and not in ours. We realize that only true faith in YOU can bring us the restoration we so strongly desire for our marriages. Help us to hold our tongues when they may hurt our efforts, and learn to let YOU, our sweet Lord, do the fighting for us. Help us to remember that prayer can do wonders especially when we are praying IN YOUR WILL. Let us remember that when we get lonley, tearful, sad and depressed over our situations that help is only a prayer away, a Bible verse away. Help us to look first to YOU to solve our every need and desire and not to the world who wants to see it torn down, who wants us to rely on man and not upon God.

Lord we are not perfect like you, but we know that you love us and that you hate divorce, you hate adultery and you want marriages to succeed. Let us look to scripture to see what our roles are to be as husbands and wives. While the rest of the world takes the bible to be just some book of stories, let us remember that you intended the Bible to be our handbook to get through life, all answers can be found in your Holy Word. You are a God that does not lie. You are a God of truth. You are a God that can do anything! We must believe and trust that our prayers will be answered when it is the time that you decide they should be. Please help us as humans who are not perfect, to be strong and when we feel weak, when we feel the devil filling our minds with worry and trouble, stop and pray, and then read the Word and let not our hearts be troubled no more.

I pray for my brothers and sisters in Christ that came to this site and this thread in particular because they all know that the only way to a happy marriage is to seek Christ first and allow him to transform our sadness and sorrows into JOY that ONLY CHRIST can provide.

In Jesus name I pray.

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Prayer is a powerful way to save your troubled marriage. Believe in God that He will never leave you and your family and that He will never give you trials you cannot handle.

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Rediscover Your Sex Life and Save Your Marriage

2009-09-29T00:18:00.000-07:00

A lot of marriages fail because the passion is gone in each other's eye. How many of you are in the same dilemma? How many of you wake up beside the same person for years now but the connection is already gone? The feeling is like you're living with a complete stranger. There's something wrong in the relationship. The magic is fast disappearing. The obsession is no longer there as it used to be.

But do you know that a night of passionate sex can spice up any failing relationship? Sometimes, people think the marriage is failing because something has changed. But that isn't always the case. More often than not, marriages fail because something has been missing all along. In this case, the thing's lacking is the union that you and your partner used to have.

Needless to say, you have to rekindle that romance. As partners, you have to start rediscovering your sex life as one. Doing this could save your marriage. Sometimes, the solution to marital problems can be so simple. And it's staring at you right in the face each night you lay beside your partner. To make your marriage work, maybe all you have to do is be the passionate lover that you used to be.

There are different ways to rediscover sex with your partner. You can do it together or you can simply show your partner what sex should really be. Slowly introduce new things into your sex life. Don't be too hasty in doing exaggerated moves that would shock your partner.

Slowly, passionately, and lovingly, lead your partner into new sex positions that both of you would enjoy. Use sex toys every once in a while to reach the limits of your ecstasy. You just have to fulfill the satisfaction of your partner. Do it both in and out of bed and he or she would definitely love you more. By sharing your new-found love and passion with one another, marital problems can disappear. And your marriage will certainly be stronger and be more enduring.

Sex is a very important aspect of married life. It should never be ignored or taken for granted. Sexual needs are real needs and they have to be satisfied. It is not wrong to admit to your partner that either one of you lacks passion in bed. By being open with your sexual needs, you are actually opening the possibility of making your marriage work again.

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Couples should know their responsibilities to one another. Rekindle the romance you have and it will be a big help to save your marriage.

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Five Things You Can Do to Improve Your Marriage

2009-09-27T20:46:00.000-07:00

Issues That You Should Not Ignore

Although there are many ways to improve your marriage, this list of five things you can do to improve your marriage is centered around major red flag issues that can tear your

Don't Take Each Other for Granted

If you are taking your spouse for granted because you believe that your partner will always be there for you, you are making a huge mistake.

Take the time and make the effort to be kind, thoughtful, appreciative, respectful, supportive, and affirming towards your spouse.

Not taking your spouse for granted means going beyond remembering your anniversary and your spouse's birthday. Not taking your spouse for granted means being tuned in to how your spouse feels and what your spouse thinks. Not taking your spouse for granted means you listen, you don't interrupt, and you show and tell your spouse of your love.

Work Together to Improve Your Sex Life

If you don't want to end up as one of the "sexless marriage" statistics, don't put your sex life on the low end of your priority list.

Remind yourselves of when you first met and the first twinges of lust that you felt for one another. Leave romantic and suggestive love notes for one another. Flirt with one another. Plan for time alone with one another on a regular basis. Kick the television out of your bedroom.

Showing your spouse how much you love and care often leads to a satisfying and fulfilling sex life.

Agree to Do Your Share of Chores Around Your Home

If you want peace, harmony and a clean, organized home, then the two of you need to work together to insure that household tasks such as keeping financial records, maintenance, shopping, yard work, planning, cleaning, cooking, child care, transportation, etc. are shared responsibilities.

Clutter around the house can create stress for both of you so talk about how both of you can routinely keep the clutter to a minimum.

Talk About Your Finances

When you have money it can come between the two of you if you haven't talked about your financial goals, saving money, and spending money.

If your budget is tight, money can create stress and division as you cope with bills and worry.

Attend a financial workshop, talk with a financial planner, learn recommended ways of building a nest egg for emergencies and planning for your retirement. Discuss your finances so the two of you are on the same financial wave length.

Simplify Your Lives

Think about the number of hours you each work, the amount of time you spend on hobbies or on home maintenance, and the time you want to spend with friends or extended family versus the amount of time you spend with one another.

Reevaluate how you both spend your time and consider how to simplify your lives whether you are newlyweds, a couple with children, or an empty nest couple. If you are over worked, over extended, and over tired, you put your marriage at risk.

The idea of downsizing involves more than moving to a smaller home. Downsizing is more about attitude than it is about space.

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Marriage will not work alone, both couple should take their part in a relationship.

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Avoid These Common Harmful Behaviors

2009-09-25T20:40:00.000-07:00

Save your marriage

If you or your spouse fall into negative patterns in the way you relate to one another, you are not just in a rut, you are hurting one another and your marriage.

You can't compromise or negotiate these behaviors away. You can't rationalize the behaviors as this is "just the way I am."

In order to save your marriage, these harmful behaviors must stop.

Emotionally and/or Physically Abusing Your Spouse

This should be a no-brainer, but you may think your control over your spouse's daily life or your negative responses to your spouse is okay. It isn't. The day will come when your spouse will say "enough is enough" and your marriage will be over. If you are abusive in any way towards your spouse and children, seek counseling right away.

Breaking Your Promises and Being an Undependable Spouse

Who wants to live with someone who can't be depended on? The more promises you break, the more you say you will do something and then don't, the more you are late or not where you say you will be, the more your spouse will lose trust in you.

Being Jealous

One of the sure ways to drive your spouse away and to destroy your marriage is to show irrational jealousy or to spy on your spouse. If you can't admit to your jealous behavior or change your behavior, seek counseling.

Inability or Not Wanting to Forgive

Resentment over past hurts or betrayals will slowly eat away at your spouse's love for you and doom your marriage. Not forgiving your spouse also harms your own health. Forgiving doesn't mean you forget or that you condone hurtful behavior. Don't let your stubborness or wanting to get revenge cause the end of your marriage.

Putting Romance on the Back Burner

Although your lifestyle situation changes throughout the years, your need for love and affection does not lessen. Talk about your expectations about affection, sex, and romance. Telling yourself that "someday" you will have the time to be romantic will hurt your marriage.

Continuing to Have Unrealistic Expectations

Disillusionment will grow as your expectations continue to be unfulfilled. Once you identify which expectations are based on marriage myths and are unrealistic, talk with one another about having achievable expectations.

Refusing to Listen to or Communicate With Your Spouse

Shutting your spouse out of your life by refusing to talk or to listen is a definite death knell for your marriage. It is so important for you both to share your thoughts and feelings with one another.

Being Unkind or Uncaring Towards Your Spouse

When a lack of caring and kindness or when selfishness creeps into your marriage, the slippery slope to divorce begins. Is it really all that difficult to say "please" or "thank you" to your spouse? Just because the two of you are married doesn't mean you shouldn't be courteous to one another.

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The way you treat your husband or wife creates a big impact in your relationship. In able to save your marriage, learn to respect and communicate to one another.

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Communication in marriage

2009-09-23T00:04:00.000-07:00

Husbands and wives should be best friends. If your husband or wife is not your best friend then you two have a lot of work to do to keep your marriage intact and happy. Friends share all experiences, that is, the joy, the pain, the fears, the small and the great things. Nothing is too small and nothing is too big to share with your best friend. Husbands and wives should be able to be themselves all the time they are together – naked and not ashamed. All this is only possible if communication between the two is clear, smooth and genuine. Excellent communication between married people removes suspicion, it prevents wrong actions, misinterpretation and uninformed decision making.

Communication takes place in two main ways, viz: verbal and non-verbal. Verbal communication simply means that the two will talk with each other. They will talk about everything whether painful or enjoyable, the two must talk. For couples to fully understand each other, they must talk. Women are better than men in communication.

Women will readily tell their husbands “I love you”, but most men will find it difficult to say the same statement to their wives. Men reason that she must know that I love her; that is why I married her. That is why I am here with her. That is why I (sometimes) buy her nice things. Well, this is not adequate expression of love you men. You still have to utter those powerful words to your loved wife on a daily basis, or several times each day. Are you too busy to love your wife?

In verbal communication, we should watch out for tone of voice. The tone can distort the message somewhat and the spouse may end up misunderstanding what the other spouse is saying or trying to communicate. Shouting at your spouse is a big No, No, whatever will have happened.

Apportioning blame is also a marriage killer and should be avoided at all times. It is critical to treat all mistakes as “our” mistake rather than “his” mistake or “her” mistake. Further, it is important to always speak the truth in love. Yes, mistakes need to be corrected, but this must be done in love, otherwise the marriage will not be a happy one.
Non-verbal communication can be expressed in various ways. Sometimes there will be hidden anger which simply shows up as a facial expression, a frown or a nasty smile, loaded with pugnacity. It can also be expressed by the spouse throwing themselves in work, reading a newspaper or watching television. This will be anything to avoid the other spouse.
Running away is non-verbal communication, and so is the rattling of dishes and the banging of the doors for no apparent reason. In extreme cases, the children can get a raw deal from one of the spouses even though the problem is not caused by them. Then there is the marriage killer that we call the “silent treatment.” The spouse simply shuts up and will not say a word even though both partners know that there is a problem between them. The silent treatment is to be avoided at all costs because it closes the other partner’s spirit without giving them an opportunity to explain themselves.

You need to remember that your mouth was never meant for the poison of bitterness. It was meant for love and laughter, singing and rejoicing. It is wonderful to sometimes sing for your spouse when the two of you are alone. Try it and see what will happen. You do not need to devise or write some strange song; sing what he or she knows but tell them you are singing for them because you love them. Communicate and save your marriage.

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Communication is the best way to save your marriage. Tell each other how you feel, so you can discover what are the things that irritated your husband or wife and what does he or she likes.

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How the Tango could save your relationship

2009-09-21T18:41:00.000-07:00

The world’s sexiest dance can also heal troubled relationships

It takes two. It’s been called “vertical sex”. It’s enough to make a successful London publisher drop her career and head to the other side of the world, and now it’s being used as relationship therapy for couples. On the eve of a new series of Strictly Come Dancing, the tango is winning scientifically backed repute for boosting vigour, busting stress and getting lovers back in love. Tango may have its roots in the brothels of Argentina, but a wave of respectable research is highlighting its ability to heal relationships and create a heady glow of wellbeing. A study published last month, by Cynthia Quiroga Murcia, a psychologist at Goethe University in Frankfurt, reveals how the dance boosts men and women’s sex hormones and emotions.

Her team tested dancers’ saliva before and after hitting the floor together, to monitor levels of testosterone and the stress hormone cortisol. The dancers also filled in mood questionnaires. Tango’s choreography appears to release stress and send testosterone racing, in women as well as men, reported the journal Music and Medicine. The study participants (most of whom danced with their usual partner) were left feeling calmer, sexier and more closely bonded. Previous studies have shown that other dances don’t have this effect.

Such findings have inspired the creation of the International Association of Tango Therapy, whose British representative, Martin Soletano, works with couples in trouble. “Most of the problems that partners have in relationships can be seen in their tango dancing,” he says. “For example, the man has to lead, as he is the one who can see where they are going when they’re moving forwards. The woman is going backwards; she can’t see, so she needs to trust her man. No man can push a woman into making steps she doesn’t want to make, or to move in a certain direction. He has to persuade her, to make her happy. If she can trust, she will follow. If you’re a couple who can’t trust each other, it’s going to get complicated.”

Soletano, an Argentinian who lives in Cardiff with his wife Karen, a therapist, adds: “The therapy looks like tango, but it is not like a normal tango lesson because the focus is different — it starts with exercises that are aimed at finding a better connection between the couples. Tango needs a very good connection. One of the things you need is confidence — in yourself, your dancing and your partner. The partner needs to help you to dance or it won’t work. So there’s a deeper meaning to the old saying ‘It takes two to tango’.”

Tango therapy for couples is also being practised in Argentina, France and Italy. “In the UK we are developing workshops with therapists so that we can set up networks and promote research into its effectiveness,” Soletano says.

The idea is enthusiastically supported by Vanessa Lloyd Platt, a divorce lawyer who recommends that potential clients try tango lessons before launching into painful and costly marriage break-ups. Since taking up the dance herself, she has starred in a documentary, London Tango, which had its premiere at this year’s Notting Hill Film Festival. Lloyd Platt says: “I tell my clients, if there is any possibility of a resolution with your partner, why not attempt to resurrect the relationship by dancing? One of the things that goes in the final year of a marriage breakdown is the physical relationship. If you can learn how to hold each other again, that can make a tremendously important difference. “I have saved two marriages,” says Lloyd Platt, who is twice-divorced. “Dancing is a lot cheaper than coming to me. Dance lessons are about £50 an hour; my fee is £285 an hour plus VAT. Next year, I plan to go to Argentina and learn the tango on a full course.”

Sarah Keller, 34, is already studying in Buenos Aires. A year ago, she took a sabbatical from her literary editor’s job at a large London publisher to learn tango in Argentina for six months. When the sabbatical was over, she returned to London — to clear her desk before going back to Argentina again. Not even the lure of a romance in England was enough to keep her here. “I’d got to where I’d always wanted to get in my dream career, but actually I found the whole London existence of work, work, work was stifling the life out of me. I’d always loved dancing, so thought that I’d try it while travelling on my sabbatical. In the tango, in the dancehalls of Buenos Aires, I found everything that I’d been looking for. Now I want to keep learning, to get better and better. I’ve got some freelance editorial work, which should be just enough to support me. My priorities have changed completely.”

Tango’s allure lies in the fact that it is far more than simply a dance. It has a story, one that contains deep layers of drama and tangled complexities of desire, as well as all those dark Latin sexual undertones. It was born in the streets of late 19th-century Buenos Aires, where the macho young men of the city danced together. Theories about its precise origins are diverse and contradictory: some historians say it was developed from South American and European dances in poor areas of Buenos Aires by groups of immigrant men, and that it was considered unseemly for women to participate because of the dance’s sexual connotations. Others say prostitutes developed the tango in the brothels to pass the time, then the men practised it among themselves so that they could invite the women to dance — the flashiest males vied for the hearts of the hottest working girls.

So it shouldn’t be surprising that the tango itself has even been put on the couch by a group of Argentine psychoanalysts in the Freudian journal Vertex. The analysts’ study concludes that the dance mixes elements of “nostalgia, grief and loneliness, along with father-son rivalry, the conflict with the absent mother, the relationship between sexes, male chauvinism, infatuation, identity, the fear of death and the rebirth to a new life”. Heady stuff, and that’s without getting into the subject of tight suits, high heels and fishnets.

Back in chilly England, there are a few more down-to-earth issues to address. When, out of sheer curiosity, I went to tango classes ten years ago, my nascent shimmying was scuppered by two fundamental difficulties — a surprising dearth of women with any sense of rhythm and a lack of regular venues. The latter, at least, has improved a lot in recent years, with regular “milongas” — social tango nights — being held in London, Edinburgh and Belfast, as well as provincial towns including Cambridge and Malvern.

Eleonora Simoes, who has run milongas in Central London for a decade, says: “In the past five years, interest has grown immensely and it is continuing to grow. It has a lot to do with the physical and emotional wellbeing that you get from dancing. I think that it’s particularly true in this country because there is not much chance for this kind of social interaction. It’s usually too cold and people just go to work and go home again.

“Tango provides a healthy environment for sociability. Women and men may come thinking that they might meet a life partner, and that certainly does happen, but from that starting point they discover the excitement of tango’s social and emotional aspects — and the challenge of dancing skilfully.”

Simoes, an Argentinian, holds milongas in Holborn, Central London, on Wednesdays and Sundays that attract around 100 dancers (www.lamilongadelaluna.com). “On big events, we can attract up to 300 people.” If you are interested in meeting a life partner through tango, research by Gunter Kreutz of the Royal Northern College of Music sounds encouraging. His studies found that dancers tend to be characterised by a higher than average level of education and socioeconomic status. On the whole, they are more fun-seeking and sociable than most Britons, too.

And all the evidence suggests that it’s never too late to start learning. It was during a holiday at Reid’s Palace Hotel in Madeira that George Bernard Shaw learnt to tango at the age of 68. A photograph of him, white-bearded and in the arms of a glamorous, youthful woman attests to his achievement, of which he was extremely proud. “To the only man who ever taught me anything,” he wrote on a photograph he gave to the hotel’s dance teacher.

Tango can indeed work particularly well with old people. Researchers at McGill University, Montreal, reported this year in the Journal of Aging and Physical Activity that tango works much better than conventional walking or training to reduce the risk of falls in older people.

Tango’s therapeutic powers are now being pioneered for young people, too, in particular those suffering from Parkinson’s disease. Gina Ward, of the Parkinson’s Disease Society’s youth branch in Leicester, recently began holding classes after reading scientific research on the dance’s benefits for people with degenerative brain diseases. Researchers at the Washington University School of Medicine reported in May in the Journal of Rehabilitative Medicine how the dance’s rhythmic skilled movements may improve co-ordination in individuals with Parkinson’s by activating the brain’s motor-control centre, the basal ganglia. Ward says: “The tango is perfect for those with neurological problems that result in poor balance.” One of her dancers, Sudhansu Fatania, a dentist, says: “ I go as often as I can. It really does help.”

Back in the birthplace of tango, the dance is even being introduced as psychological therapy. On the fourth floor of Buenos Aires’ largest psychiatric hospital, the patients dance with doctors and nurses. A few months ago, some were too shy to talk and others could barely keep upright. Now they embrace cheek to cheek, gliding to an accordion’s mournful chords. “Treatment is not just about therapy and drugs, it’s about giving them a nice time,” says Trinidad Cocha, a psychologist who teaches weekly tango therapy. “They relax and all the labels disappear,” she adds. “We are not doctors, nurses, musicians or patients. We are just tango dancers.”

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Tango is fun! I believe this dance can help you save your marriage because of it's intimate dance steps, the couples always have close contact with each other. Try dancing tango with your husband or wife, save your relationship and have fun!

Source of How To Save Your Marriage

How Taking A Vacation Can Save Your Marriage...In India

2009-09-19T18:42:00.000-07:00

Divorce travel has, somewhat ironically, arrived in India. Ironically, because about one in one hundred marriages fail in India, compared to about half of marriages in the United States. Just the same, KV Tours and Travels have started offering packages designed to stop their customers from getting divorced.

Targeting near-break-up couples whose families are worried about the relationship—to the point where the family members might pay for the couple's vacation—KV Tours also arranges a qualified marriage counselor to accompany the couple on the trip. We hope they've figured out that three can be a crowd, though.

Depending on the budget, near-divorce couples might head to the Indian hills for a week (for around 35,000 Rupees, or $720) or head abroad to somewhere more exotic. The important part is, apparently, that they go somewhere they've never been before, and that they're far away from their family. Which sounds like good advice for any kind of vacation, really.

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Isn't it cool! This just means that giving time to one another is an effective way to save your marriage. You'll have the time to talk things over and enjoy one another.

Source of How to Save Your Marriage

The Bank Account that Can Save your Marriage

2009-09-17T18:38:00.000-07:00

"What's the best way for couples to manage their money?" is a question I'm often asked. While there's no perfect answer - couples differ in how much they want to merge their finances - it's a question that every couple is wise to give some thought to. What is vital, is that you agree upon a plan.

While talking about money can be often be more difficult and emotionally charged than talking about sex, religion or politics, a simple conversation about money can save you a lot of tension and resentments throughout married life. The ideal is to sit down with your partner and discuss your finances together on a regular basis - schedule a "money date". If this is difficult for either or both of you, then you might want to get a third party, such as a financial counselor, planner or trusted friend to get you started on the right track.

The question of whether or not to co-mingle your money is one of the most important decisions the two of you need to make regarding your finances. The extent of the financial merger often depends on the length of time that you have been together, but not always.

One of my client couples has been happily married for more than 30 years and they prefer to keep their finances very separate. Each dutifully writes me a separate cheque for ½ of my fees every year and that's the way they handle all their expenses. Older couples and those on their second marriage generally keep their finances separate longer.

While there's no perfect system, I find the one that works best is:

1. Set up a joint account. Both of your pay cheques, and any other income such as stock dividends and investment earnings, go into this "operating account";

2. Pay common expenses like mortgage, food, and monthly bills from your operating account;

3. Transfer an agreed-upon amount into long-term investment accounts, and into short-term savings accounts for travel, emergencies and any big ticket items, such as home renovations.

* Note: Ideally, investments should be managed with a common plan - even if you prefer to use separate investment companies. If there is no agreed upon plan and coordination, then you can end up paying higher fees and having investments that aren't optimal for the family as a whole;

4. After the essentials are taken care of, transfer an agreed upon amount into your "marriage saver" accounts set up for each of you to cover personal discretionary expenses. The agreed upon amount can be a percentage of each person's income or an equal amount. Once you set up this system, neither of you has any say over how the other person spends this money. That's the rule!

It might take a little negotiating to decide what you consider common expenses to be (golf memberships or season's tickets to the opera might be a bit tricky) and what are strictly personal items (triple-shot caramel macchiato, pedicures), but it's worth duking it out early to create a system that will avoid misunderstandings and arguments down the line.

Having your own money that you can spend however you choose can greatly reduce arguments over money. That simple little bank account might just save your marriage.

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Financial problems often leads to a broken marriage. To prevent this, couples should learn how to manage their money. Follow the tips above to avoid financial problems.

Source of How to Save your Marriage

Love Relationship Tips

2009-09-15T01:18:00.000-07:00

The feeling of love is divine and if you have someone who loves you truly then you should be grateful to God, as there are very few people in this world who have true love in their life. One of the most important factors that needs to be mentioned here is that, one should be careful while selecting a life partner for oneself as there are people who would not hesitate to deceive you at the slightest chance that they would get. However, the Love Relationship Tips refers to those tips that would help one to strengthen his/her bond with his/her lover. Given below are a few of the Love Relationship Tips, which are:

* Spend quality time with your spouse/lover.

* Try to solve disputes in a peaceful manner.

* Praise your partner in every little thing that he/she does and congratulate him/her in his/her achievements.

* At times you can arrange a surprise party for your Valentine or can make arrangements for a candle night dinner.

* While taking a important decision give respect to your lover’s opinion.

* Make your lover acquainted with every sphere of your life.

* Express your love for your beloved and tell her/him how much you love her/him.

* Pay heed to your lover’s needs and desires.

* Try to fulfill your partner’s wishes.

* Give your sweetheart the feeling that he/she is an integral part of your life.

* Make it a point to remember and celebrate any special occasion, such as Valentine’s Day or birthday or any other occasion that is special for your lover.
* Accept your shortcomings

* Admit your mistakes

* Avoid deception

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Everyone should learn to build a good relationship with your partner. It's where both of you can get courage everytime you have problems in your relationship. You should know that you cannot hold on to other people, you have each other, talk about it and resolve it as early as you can.

Resource of How To Save Your Marriage

Save your marriage

2009-09-14T01:06:00.000-07:00

Marriage problems can be devastatingly painful and difficult to overcome. Knowing that you may be losing the person you love is hard on anyone. However, if there is a chance you can do something to save that relationship, then you should do whatever you can. You might feel powerless to improve the situation, but you must try. If you make no attempt to save your relationship, it will eventually end.

The good news is that as bleak as the situation may seem, there is always hope. Do your best to keep yourself together and concentrate on the immediate, positive goal of saving your marriage.

Every marital relationship is unique. In your pursuit of marital harmony and a healthier bond with your spouse, you may find the following advice very helpful.

1. Truly identify your problems.The only way you are going to make progress with your marital problems is if you determine what those problems are. Taking an honest look at your relationship is the first step of healing. The most important thing in this phase is complete honesty. If you attempt to downplay your problems or look for a quick fix, you do a disservice to yourself and your spouse, and ultimately set yourself up for failure.

2. Set goals to work towards together. Make realistic goals that you can work toward as a couple. Obviously, your ultimate goal is to stay together. However, start with mini-goals. Try to make the following goals:
* We will communicate without arguing.
* We will attempt to do things as a couple.
* We will find an end to our problems.
* We will write down our feelings and allow the other to read them.

3. Communicate and compromise. If you want to make your relationship last, you must be able to talk to each other. Communication is the key to any long-lasting relationship. Once you establish open dialogue, then you can begin to compromise and heal. The importance of compromise cannot be overstated. Both of you must be able to discuss your feelings and come to an agreement about what you feel the relationship needs. It is going to be a matter of give-and-take. If you have problems communicating, try looking up 'Communication Exercises' in a search engine. After exploring the results, try some promising exercises with your spouse.

4. Look past the petty arguments and look towards healing. If you truly want to make your marriage work, you are going to have to overlook the hurt you feel about past arguments. You need to look for solutions rather than blaming your partner. It is often much easier to resent someone than to forget arguments, find forgiveness and move on with your life. However, until you find a way to communicate constructively about your hurt, and how to heal it, you will remain stuck in the same rut.

5. Use mediation if necessary. Some couples benefit from professional counseling, while others find it beneficial for friends or family to mediate their communication sessions, until they can speak without arguing. Regardless of the difficulty, communication is necessary to restore your marriage. You need to rediscover what you love about each other and you need to do this without arguing or trying to inflict pain. With this in mind, having some friendly mediation can often help couples find clarity and address the destructive aspects of their behavior. This may not be necessary for every couple but it could help those that have true communication issues.

6. Be patient; take all the time necessary to heal. Your marital problems did not crop up overnight and they will not be healed overnight. You need to take the time to examine your marital weaknesses and strengths together. Discuss all the emotions that you both feel until you are centered and ready to begin anew.

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Having difficulties in marriage becomes a burden in your life. But you can change it into something worth building for. You cannot have a perfect relationship but you can have a happy and contented family. Follow the steps above I assure you, you can save your marriage and your family.

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Overcoming Your Marital Infidelity

2009-09-13T01:03:00.000-07:00

How to Save Your Marriage After Cheating on Your Partner

Overcoming your marital infidelity takes time and energy; these steps to saving your marriage after cheating on your partner will help you restore trust and build a better marriage! Saving your marriage after infidelity takes courage, hard work, and honesty.

6 Steps to Overcoming Your Marital Infidelity

1. Apologize. Apologizing for betraying your spouse is a simple, powerful way to start overcoming infidelity. You're in pain - and so is your partner. You may feel defensive, scared and confused – but a sincere apology without excuses or rationales is the first step in saving your marriage after infidelity. No matter how unstable your marriage was before you betrayed your spouse, admit that you were responsible, and that you were wrong to have your emotional affair, one-night stand, or multiple affairs.

2. Listen. No matter how bad it makes you feel, let your partner share feelings of betrayal, pain, disgust, rage, or frustration. Listen intently, until your partner is finished talking. Put your feelings of guilt, remorse or pain aside. Overcoming marital infidelity involves emotional sacrifice and painful, vulnerable communication. If you want to save your marriage, you need to work to build a better relationship.

3. Discuss the affair. Your spouse deserves answers. Share some details of how and why you betrayed your spouse. Discuss the affair in terms of how it came about and how you and your spouse can ensure it doesn't happen again. To overcome marital infidelity, talk about a plan to protect yourselves from another affair.

4. Change your lifestyle. After you've cheated on your partner, you're no longer free to follow your old patterns. Accepting new limits and boundaries (eg, not lunching alone with colleagues of the opposite sex) will go far in overcoming marital infidelity. Regain your spouse's trust by being open to reasonable requests regarding boundaries and behavior (marriage counseling will help you both see what is reasonable).

5. Talk about your lifestyle changes. Share how your life is different now that you want to save your marriage from another marital infidelity. Ask your spouse if your changes are helpful or not. To overcome infidelity, discuss the changes you need to make.

6. Accept a long period of healing. After you've betrayed your spouse, it'll take longer than a few weeks to heal! Your partner will probably watch you closely for at least a year after the affair. It'll take awhile to accept everyday occurrences, such as you being late for dinner or suddenly changing your plans.

Marriage counseling helps couples cope with the intense, volatile emotions that often accompany affairs. If you cheated on your partner and and want to save your marriage, be open to couples counseling.

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Trust is difficult to gain after marital infidelity. But if you're sincere and wanted to regain that trust again, you can do it. It will take a lot of time before your husband or wife trust you again, just be patient.

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How to Save a Marriage - Saving Your Marriage is in Your Hands! Every Marriage Can Be Saved

2009-09-10T08:57:00.000-07:00

By Juliette Christian Platinum Quality Author

Seeing your marriage end is one of the most horrible and mentally devastating things that you can go through in your life. You can't help but remember the ceremony, the honeymoon; all the good days with good hopes. And you don't want to accept to just let everything go and divorce. You want to save a marriage but are hopeless to do so, because everything seems to be going the wrong way.

I know all those exactly, because I have been in your shoes. I feel for you, my friend, as my marriage was ending too. I wanted to save my marriage but didn't know what to do so. All I could think of to do was to apologize over and over to my husband and beg him for forgiveness to save our marriage.

But not let's fast forward from those hard days to today: I have saved my marriage. And in saying this, I know that I am hugely understating everything: Because my husband loves me more than anything now, and I love him more than anything. Our marriage is so... awesome!

What changed? What did I do to save a marriage, that changed the whole episode so much?

It is that I have been taught to do the right things instead of apologizing and begging to my spouse. The right way of taking action to save a marriage is acknowledging that your spouse is fed up with you, and restrain yourself from doing things that would make your spouse even more fed up you. Actually, you should do the opposite of these things. How?

You should be more "inaccessible" to your spouse. Do not beg to them for anything. Do not forget that people want what they CAN'T have! This rule is working against you right now - and it is in your hands to reverse the situation so that rule will be working FOR you.

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You can do it now! Do whatever you can to save your marriage. It lies in your hands. Always think positive that you can do it. Do it for your family.

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Trust the Power of Positive Thinking to Make Your Husband Fall in Love With You Again

2009-09-08T08:46:00.000-07:00

By Emma Audley Platinum Quality Author

If you have been happily married for a few years, chances are that you are already witnessing some early signs of boredom, lack of spontaneity and interest from your husband. It is also highly likely that you are desperate to make your husband fall in love with you again. But have you ever wondered why it happens like this with most women? The main reason for this is that love is a very delicate and volatile feeling, which seems to evaporate all too quickly only to be replaced by frustration and nothingness. In the daily struggle for existence, the biggest casualty is love and togetherness between married couples and both of you are no exception.

What is the best course of action if you want to make your husband fall in love with you again? On one hand, if you let the situation take its own course, it might deteriorate even further and reach a point of no return; on the other hand, you do not quite know how you can make your husband fall in love with you again. You are perhaps wondering, is it at all possible? Will I appear funny if I make sudden and unfamiliar gestures to show that I love my husband? Isn't love 'supposed' to be there all the time? First of all, you have to know that it is very possible to make your husband fall in love with you again and secondly, love does not always remain where you left it last time. It is dynamic and you have to nurture it with care and concern for it to grow, no matter how close you are to your husband. Go through the tips given below to take some positive steps to make your husband fall in love with you again:

• Stop brooding over the past and stop guessing what could have gone wrong with your marriage. If you want to make your husband fall in love with you again, start thinking afresh and think positive. Thinking about a problem does not always lead you to a solution.

• The more you 'presume' the things that could have made your husband change his mind or attitude, the more time you are losing to make your husband fall in love with you again. In stead, look ahead and try to devise ways and means of reversing the deteriorating situation. You have no idea what the power of positive thinking can do to a relationship.

• Positive thinking is actually infectious. Not only do you feel the change in yourself, you would be inspiring others too and this includes your husband also. When despite the growing distance between the two of you, you take the proactive step of holding his hand and claiming that with every passing day, you love him more than yesterday, he is bound to take notice and feel the difference.

• Most women ignore their appearance once they are into a few years of marital life. Look into the mirror and you might find plenty of areas where you need to improve. Never mind if you are starting all lover again, but very little effort to improve the way you look and feel can take you closer to your husband and make your husband fall in love with you again.

• Chances are that you were so busy looking after the home and family that you forgot the fact that you need time for yourself too. Revisit the areas of your interest and re-cultivate them. A wife who has her own set of interests and is an attractive and self-confident person can be an asset to any husband.

• Bring fun and romance back in to your lives. Stop worrying about the kids, utility bills or whatever. Go out and let your hair down with your husband. Try to laugh together and you can make your husband fall in love with you again.

• To make your husband fall in love with you again, you have to love yourself and be friends with your mind. If you are constantly fighting emotions and getting angry or remorseful with any and everything around you - your ill temper is going to spread and affect others too. Learn to give and forgive. This in turn makes you a positive person, who is enthusiastic, zestful and forward looking.

Why is getting your husband back so important to you?

Because a good relationship is one of the most treasured of human interactions... especially marriage! We all want to be loved. There are the great times together, the shared dreams and visions, the mutual likes and dislikes and more. Great relationships are essential for enjoying a good quality of life. They color everything else around us.

Losing a spouse is one of the most emotionally traumatizing episodes in our life. It is amazing how the very thing that brings us the most pleasure also brings with it the most grief.

But don't give up on the love of your life yet. There is still hope! You can reverse deterioration of your marriage and successfully reconnect with your husband. Use my professional and personal experience to learn how you can bring passion back into your marriage.

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Nothing is impossible. You've done it several years before, you can still make your husband fall in love with you again. Learn to try new things and discover new ideas to keep your love alive. Believe in yourself that you can make it and that you can save your marriage. Think on the bright side, be positive!

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Seek Counseling to Save a Marriage

2009-09-08T07:56:00.001-07:00

Married couples tend to disregard the importance of counseling, not knowing how essential counseling is when trying to save a marriage. Couples who experience problems with their union wait too long before seeking the help of a marriage counselor. Counseling has many benefits, such as giving space for people in a relationship to discover the cause of their conflicts in order to find the solutions to these problems. Lots of couples think that succumbing to counseling is just like admitting that their marriage is becoming a failure, and they don’t want that.

In order to save a marriage, you must look at what counseling can do to save your marital woes. To make counseling work, both partners must be fully committed to the cause saving the relationship. Counseling will not help if one of you is just going through it half-heartedly. A councilor will be of great help especially if you as a couple decided to seek advice earlier, before the damage have been truly done. To save a marriage, a couple must communicate openly and must be aware of even the subtle changes in the relationship. Being aware of such nuances can help contain issues before they become too difficult for counseling to solve.

Counseling will not work if one of you has already detached himself completely with the other. There is only so much that outside help can do to save a marriage. Full cooperation is needed to make counseling work for you. If the problem is already a bit complex, individual counseling can be done, especially if one partner is not comfortable spilling his guts out in the presence of the spouse.

Aside from counseling, there are other things that you can do to help save a marriage. One can seek the help of family and friends, provided that they are not biased towards one of you. People around you should be willing to recognize the faults and shortcomings of both partners in order to come up with fair advice.

Seeking the help of a marriage counselor can clear up the common problems that married couples face. These problems include infidelity, compatibility issues and communication problems. Counseling can even help individuals who let past experiences or relationships affect their marriage.

To save a marriage, both partners must be willing to do everything it takes to make the relationship work. Love must still be in the equation in order to make counseling work. Issues can become more complicated when certain factors are involved, such as children and financial problems. But a good counselor knows how to solve these problems. What’s good to know is that most marriages can be saved with good counseling, and both partners should have enough courage to face their problems and deal with the necessary in steps in order to restore the harmony in their union and save a marriage. Good counseling is easy to find; there are lots of counselors out there who are willing to do what they can to salvage what’s left of your marriage.

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Yes, counseling really helps! Going through marriage counseling really help to save your marriage. It explains what a couple should do to maintain a good relationship. Actually, going through marriage counseling is not just because you have problems, counseling strengthens your relationship and explains your responsibility with each other.

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Save a Marriage - Advice - 3 Tips to Help You Rekindle Your Love

2009-09-06T08:41:00.000-07:00

By Stella Mak Platinum Quality Author

A lot of marriage failed because couples do not take responsibility for the role that they play in a relationship. Very often, blaming the other instead of oneself become the favourite pastime of couples and when there are conflicts, they choose the most convenient mean - walking away instead of trying to save the marriage!

Apparently these couples have short term memories because they are the same individuals who have vowed to support and to love each other through thick and thin! However, divorce has now become an easy way out for people who do not have the courage to salvage what deserves to be salvaged. When couples go through a divorce, they channel all their energies into accusing each other of causing hurt and disharmony in the marriage. They forget that in the process, their children are the ones most deeply hurt! If they have channeled their energies to save the marriage, more than one human being is saved!

So is it possible to save your marriage? Yes, if you had loved each other in the first place, you will definitely be able to rekindle the love and here are 3 ways in which you can save your marriage.

1. Share financial responsibilities
Many married couples forget that it takes two hands to clap so now that they are married, both party should be responsible for the family financially. Being married means you are united as one so you should shoulder the burden of raising a family together.

Find out each others' spending style and come to a compromise on how best you can save and at the same time not have to sting on yourself. Spend some time to prioritize what is important to you and to your family, especially if you have children. You need to come to a mutual agreement on how you can divide out the burden of financial responsibility.

2. Never go to bed angry
I strongly believe that this is very sound advice to building a lasting relationship because you and your spouse are two very different individuals so there are bound to be conflicts. The important point is that you must find ways to resolve those conflicts. By all means take time off to cool down but after a storm, both of you have to sit down and discuss the issue together. You have to listen to each other and find a solution or come to a compromise but never leave the fight overnight.

It is very unhealthy to go to bed angry and you will only cause a drift in the relationship if you do not try to resolve your problem first. After which, you should forget about the fight and make up for it in bed. It is vital to forget about the problem after the fight had been resolved if you want to save your marriage.

3. Plan time for romance
Many married couples forget to plan a time for romance, especially if they have children. In order for a marriage to last long, it is important not to forget to spend time to be intimate. Marriage is not the end of romance, it is the start of a whole new life together. If you sense that something is not right in your relationship, you need to make time for each other so that you can save your marriage.

People are constantly busy nowadays so if you do not find time for your spouse so as to rekindle the love in your relationship, it will hit trouble. It is definitely not worthwhile to spend all your time carving out a career for your family only to discover that you have lost your marriage in the end!

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For me, sometimes when your arguing or having problems it's best to take your time and talk about it the next day. Some problems cannot be solved overnight. I believe that when you're both cooled down and calm, whatever the problem is will be solved.

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There are ways of saving your marriage before it starts

2009-09-05T19:51:00.000-07:00

One way of saving your marriage before it starts is to build a hedge of protection around your new relationship. What not all newlyweds realize is that it’s important to protect your marriage from outside influences that have the power to undermine all of the love and hard work you are bringing to your growing relationship. Here are three ways of saving your marriage before it starts:

Saving your marriage before it starts: Step 1 – Communicate

Saving your marriage before it starts begins with you two talking about what you expect from each other and from yourselves. How will you each protect your marriage, and what would you like to ask each other to do? For example, are there certain behaviors you want to highlight that make you somewhat uncomfortable because of the temptation they present? Just brainstorm together about ways you can guard yourselves and your marriage and fully live out your commitment to each other. That’s the first step of saving your marriage before it starts.

Saving your marriage before it starts: Step 2 – Pledge

The second suggestion for saving your marriage before it starts is to write a pledge to each other about what you will each do, personally, to protect your marriage from infidelity. Write them out and verbally commit to acting on your pledge. (A quick note of caution here: be realistic as you choose the pledges you make to each other. For example, it’s not going to be possible to avoid ever talking to someone of the opposite sex. But you can promise to avoid saying anything that could be construed as flirtatious, or as critical of your mate.)

Saving your marriage before it starts: Step 3 – Live your commitment

Saving your marriage before it starts is ultimately about putting into practice what you’ve communicated and pledged to each other. Yes, communication and promises are important in a new marriage. But ultimately, saving your marriage before it starts comes down to the decision and your ability to actually live out the vows you’ve made to each other. So right now, as you begin this most-important of relationships, make the decision that your vows are a sacred duty that you will uphold day by day, and moment by moment. Then you’ll be well on your way to saving your marriage before it starts.

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Save your marriage before it starts, talk about your problems, open communication is the key. Remember that you have your vow, so make sure that, that vow will not be broken. Do it for your self, your husband and for your children. If you have problems, talk about it now!

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How To Save Your Marriage

2009-09-02T08:25:00.000-07:00

By: Kaveh Nayeri

Getting married (or beginning an intimate relationship) is, in a way, like starting a business you’ve always wanted to own or a university program you’ve always wanted to enter.

It may be relatively easy to begin but it is almost guaranteed to be very challenging to stay with it for the long-term and make it a success.

Which one do you think is harder? Being successful in your marriage? In your education? Or in your career?

They are all challenging to achieve for most of us. Yet they are also goals that most of us pursue or dream about. Not everybody wants to get married but most adults want to have some form of love relationship that feels good and is right for them. And the topics in this article apply to all intimate and significant relationships, not just marriages.

Indeed the drive to form and maintain a successful love relationship seems to be consistently strong in most adults. And I have observed this repeatedly in my work as individual and couples therapist.

At the same time our 50 % + divorce rate clearly communicates the message that making our love relationship last and flourish is difficult.

If we add to the high occurrences of divorce, the numerous unhappy marriages out there in which the partners feel hopelessly stuck my point becomes even more clear.

In my work as a mental health clinician I have seen marital and relationship discord often. And as a husband in an 11-year marriage I have felt the severe pains of marital crisis.

Along the way I have formed some wisdom on ways to understand, preserve, and improve your marriage. I teach these in a workshop called “All About Love" and will present them in this article. Also you can log onto my website at http://www.loveyoursoul.com for additional information.

Please keep in mind that most of the advice I am providing below apply and are suggested to both you and your partner even if I do not always mention him or her. However in the event that your significant other is not willing to follow this advice, I suggest that you do them on your own and invite your partner to join you as soon as possible.

1. EXPECT RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS

All or most marriages run into small and large problems eventually. Some marital problems can be anticipated and avoided. Others cannot be foreseen and must be faced, worked through, and resolved by both partners.

Marital crisis is often very painful to go through. But that does not mean that the marriage should be ended.

Conflicts are often tests of the strength of the love relationship. These are tests that both partners must take and pass before the marriage can graduate to a higher level of mutual satisfaction.

Your marital problem should tell you that there are some things that you have not understood about your partner and vice versa. You may also have lost hope for the relationship and neglected each other’s needs.

There is work to be done by each of you. It will probably be hard work but it is also required work to help resolve your marital conflict and for each of you to grow personally.

2. OBTAIN OUTSIDE HELP

The pain and complexity of marital crisis often handicap the couples’ ability to resolve the problem on their own. It is important that you start receiving couples counseling soon after the crisis begins because the longer you wait the more difficult it will be to save the marriage.

You should treat the crisis as a relationship emergency and act right away to get all the help you need.

It is important that you find a therapist who has the experience, knowledge, and motivation to treat marital problems. Also you and your partner should collaborate in order to choose a therapist who seems right for treating your marriage.

Also there are many organizations that provide relationship services. You can locate them through the internet, the phone book, your church, etc. I like the services advertised on the websites: imagorelationships.com and embracemarriage.com.

In addition you can request help from mature friends or relatives that you trust. Their help can be valuable and may include sharing their own experiences with marital problems, listening to you, or offering other support.

3. UNDERSTAND YOUR PARTNER

You must work hard to understand and change what is bothering your partner in the relationship. Chances are that even though your partner loves you there are significant and persistent problems he or she sees in you. And your partner may have lost hope for the relationship because of them.

You need to better understand your partner’s perception of these problems. It may be that your partner has a lot of dislike or fear for a certain problem. This fear was probably developed before you knew each other.

The persistence of these problems in you can be severely disappointing your partner even if they do not seem to be major issues to you.

For example your partner may have a large need for your time and affection because he/she was severely deprived of this in childhood and past relationships.

Your partner could be feeling hurt and disappointed in the relationship because this need has been misunderstood or neglected. The solution in this case would be for you (and your spouse) to become aware of the high importance of regular affection for him/her and to make sure the marriage takes care of this need.

If you identify these types of problems and work hard to resolve them, your loved one is likely to feel better about the relationship.

As usual this works both ways and you can ask your partner to do the same for you.

4. PRAY FOR THE MARRIAGE

Spirituality and regular prayer are powerful ways that can help you and your spouse heal your damaged relationship. It is important that you pray for your partner as well as for yourself. You can also ask God to help and heal your marriage.

There is a lot of variety and choice of spiritual practices. I suggest that you find and practice one that fits with your beliefs and feels right for you.

Spiritual strength could give you both the patience, peace of mind, understanding, love, and forgiveness that is often necessary to work your way out of marital trouble.

5. TOLERATE THE EMOTIONAL PAIN

Marital crises often involve severe emotional pain for both partners. You or your spouse may feel very depressed, angry, terrified, confused, hopeless, etc.

Many people end their marriages because they do not want to tolerate these pains or because they believe that the marital problems will never go away.

But the old saying: “No Pain, No Gain" often holds true for marriages and most marital problems can be solved if both partners are willing to put in the necessary work.

Counseling, spiritual practice, and if needed, medication can help relieve some of your emotional pain. But often much of the pain brought on by marital crisis must be tolerated until the marital wounds are healed.

You and your partner need to understand and accept that you are wounded emotionally and that the healing process may be slow and gradual.

Not all marriages or relationships deserve to be saved. And not all emotional pain associated with a relationship should be tolerated to preserve it.

Extreme situations for example when one partner is regularly physically abusing the other and is refusing to seek professional help may require divorce or a break-up to solve the problem.

But emotional injury caused by typical marital conflicts can often be treated and healed. However this process typically involves emotional pain and your ability to tolerate and live with this pain is a valuable skill.

I often tell my clients “Happiness is on the other side of the pain".

In order to better understand and save your marriage you must work your way through and past the body of emotional pain that is blocking your way to marital happiness.

And if you do this work successfully your marriage will arrive at a new, higher grounds, where you can both feel free of pain and full of relationship joy, love, and appreciation of the meaning of marriage.

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Sadly, there really is no perfect marriage, but you can make a better marriage than others. It's a matter of open communication, time for each other, understanding, supporting and respecting each others thoughts and most importantly LOVE. Saving your marriage is a responsibility to be done by both of you for your family. Everything takes time. Just believe.

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Saving Your Marriage

2009-09-01T10:01:00.000-07:00

When you first walked down the altar, you intended on living a life of romantic bliss with your new partner. That was until babies were born, the bills started pilling up and your sex life became non-existent. Now you and your spouse are in a position where you are desperately figuring out what you can to do go about saving your marriage. Perhaps there is a quick-fix solution through a ‘saving your marriage’ website, or a ‘saving your marriage’ book. And while these resources can be helpful, you probably already know what you need to do to save your marriage. These common-sense steps include: increasing communication between yourself and your partner, spending more time with them and revving up your intimacy.

The first step you need to take for saving your marriage involves improving your lines of communication. Many couples tend to put aside more controversial communication when the relationship is doing well. But when they do this, the result is a build-up of tension over a period of time. Then when an argument does erupt, the other partner may be presented with issues that, while unresolved, have nothing to do with what they are currently discussing. This causes even more anger. So, if you’re concerned about saving your marriage, don’t allow such things to happen. If you’re having trouble discussing certain issues, consider getting marriage counseling, so you’ll have a mediator to help keep things under control. From these sessions hopefully you and your spouse will learn how to discuss more negative things without exploding in anger.

The next step that is pertinent for saving your marriage involves spending more time with your partner. Now, you may be wondering why such a step is necessary for saving your marriage, especially if you feel that you see your partner all the time. But seeing your partner at home isn’t the same as spending more personal, by-yourself time with them. This is because at home there are distractions, such as kids, bills and house work. But if you take your partner out on a date or even a vacation, everything will revolve around just the two of you. Indeed, if you are really about saving your marriage, you will want to go out of your way to schedule extra time with your partner outside of the house.

The final thing you need to do when it comes to saving your marriage is being more intimate with your partner. Part of this will be easier if you can regularly schedule personal time with them. But you should still try to maintain intimacy even beyond that. Additionally, intimacy should be deeper than just sex, though sex is a part of intimacy. Romance needs to be in the equation. Examples include a romantic bath or dinner. And when things do move into the bedroom, perhaps you can consider experimenting with different sexual activities to help liven up the routine.

In conclusion, you don’t need a book for saving your marriage. The answers are already in your own head and heart. And hopefully by following the simple steps outlined in this article, you and your spouse will rediscover the love that brought you down the aisle in the first place.

Saving Your Marriage Tip #1

Don't raise your voice. If saving your marriage is your goal, then it is very important to remember not to raise your voice when talking or especially arguing with your significant other. Raising your voice immediately puts the other person on the defensive and makes them want to attack you back rather than communicate.

Saving Your Marriage Tip #2

Communication is key. One of the biggest problems most couples have is that they do not communicate effectively. Yelling our exploding at someone is not communicating. When something bothers you or is on your mind, it is important to communicate that to your partner calmly and verbally at that moment or as soon as you two can be alone. This will help to prevent small annoyances from building into big arguments.

Saving Your Marriage Tip #3

Space is good. You need you give each other their personal space. It is perfectly normal and healthy to want some time away from your partner. This does not mean you don't love them. Spend time apart as well as together and you will have a much healthier relationship.

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Do it now! You can save your marriage now. Always remember that God will not give you trials you can't handle, so act now, you can still save it. Just be positive and follow these tips. I know you'll make it.

Resources of How To Save Your Marriage

Tips for Saving a Marriage from Falling Apart

2009-08-31T08:03:00.001-07:00

Marriages are made in heaven, but divorces, they happen right here on earth. So always make sure that you do not rush to things and try out these easy remedies that might actually help you save your marriage.
Try to live separate for a few weeks:
Will separating save a marriage, you might ask. Well, separation can save a marriage but only if you do it right. The philosophy behind this is that human beings tend to take things that belong to them for granted. They forget to appreciate the value of what they possess and realize it only when the thing is taken away.

So plan a business trip or make up an excuse to get away from your loved ones for a while. When you are away, do not completely ignore your husband or wife. Try to send messages to them, email them your status and ask them theirs. Call them once in a while and before disconnecting, say the magic word 'I love you'.

While you are away you realize the things that you took for granted in your lover are no longer there. You tend to miss them and the magnet of love starts attracting the both of you towards each other again.

When you are back home, bring them back something unique and special from your trip. And make sure to tell them that you did miss them when you were away. All of us need a change and this could be just the right thing for the both of you.

Fire up your love life
Not sure how to go about it? Here are a few tips to get your started:

Go to the book store near you and buy a copy of Kamasutra. It does not matter if you read it or not. Just having the book in your house is a good enough sign that you are adventurous and want to try something new!

Invest in some quality CDs that illustrate the art of lovemaking. You can always pick up a thing or two watching them

Try roleplaying. This is a great way to explore your wildest fantasies.

Try to get that secret out. Believe it or not your lover will have at-least one fetish or wild fantasy that he or she is afraid to disclose to you fearing rejection. Try to get this secret out. The best way to do this is to talk to your lover. Firstly reveal your fantasies and then ask your lover to do the same. This is a great way to ensure that both of you get to know each other and your likings better. The more you know each other the better you can pleasure each other in bed

Okay, these were just a few tips, I am sure you got the point. So if you asked the question how can I save a marriage when my husband is living with mistress or my husband cheated, you know what to do.
Let Go of the Ego
Fights happen and ego clashes in fights between husband and wife are common. But are you going to let you ego take over your happy marriage? Probably not, if you are thinking sane. Before rushing into harsh decisions, let the fire settle down. Do not talk to each other for a while, but if your loved one wants to have a chat, support him and try to talk. Do not continue your golden silence.

Marriage is all about adjustments so try as much to accommodate the other person. If thing go beyond control, you can try living separately for a while.

I know a couple, where the husband had a bad drinking habit and this lead to constant fights and arguments. The wife decided to shift in with her parents and after a few weeks the husband came to pick her up promising never the drink again. If your loved one truly loves you, he will come back to you and when he does, accept him happily. Do not keep sulking, as this is the time to let go of your ego.
Share Everything That Happens - Never Hide Things
I know this is easier said than done, but you have to communicate everything that happens in your life to your beloved. This is one way to ensure that when things go wrong, your wife or husband is always there by your side.

>Let's take for instance, finances. Finances can have an adverse impact on your marriage. (So before it happens, learn to save.) If you find yourself in a bad financial situation, the first thing that you got to do is tell your spouse. If she loves you she will support you. But if you hide this fact from her and she comes to know about it at a later time, she is sure to get annoyed and label you as an incapable man.

So no matter what it is share it with your beloved.

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It's all about riding on the same boat. In able for the couple to have a good relationship is having the same goal in life, to have a wonderful and whole family. Sharing your thoughts with each other help a lot to maintain and save your marriage.

Resources of How To Save Your Marriage

How To Save Your Marriage And Lead Happy Marriage Life

2009-08-29T21:31:00.000-07:00

It is alright if you want to know how to save your marriage. At least you admit that there are problems in your relationship and you are willing to do something to improve the situation. This is a good start to avoid the grasp of divorce and have destroyed many marriages.

Communication is essential

Learning how to save your marriage needs the contribution from both partners. The effort of one partner will usually end up in vain. Communication between you and your spouse is essential when you want to save your marriage. Keep open minded so misunderstanding will not arise and unexpressed feeling can be relieved through the communication.

Getting advice or counseling can be an effective way to improve communication between couples. However, this approach should also be supported by both partners. Counseling session can help both partners to see each other from a different point of view. The counselor will point up important facts that both of you have missed all these years. If you both are willing to do this, then it is a good sign and it is likely that you will find a way to save your marriage.

Once again, communication is the key in every relationship. It is important for each partner to be able to express his or herself. On the other hand, communication is always two ways, which means each partner needs to listen to his or her partner feeling as well. Effective communication is the key if you are wondering how to save your marriage.

Forgive and accept

This is perhaps the most difficult thing that couples have to do when they want to save their marriages. Once again, if you are willing to save your marriage, then you need to give things a chance. Find the problems and investigate the reasons that cause your marriage to break apart. Normally there are many reasons that can cause separation. Some of them are stupid, while some are really serious. Find the real problems and start working together to solve them.

In most cases, forgive and accept are the things that each of you have to do to save your marriage. Many people feel bitter and betrayed which makes them unable to forgive the traitor. You need to see your commitment and responsibility toward your marriage and give it another chance.

Therefore, if you want to know how to save your marriage, it is very essential to bring your spouse to the effort as well. If the desire is only one sided, it is difficult to achieve the desired outcome.

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You can save your marriage now! It's true that communication is an essential to have a good relationship with your loved one. Always make time for each other to talk things about your selves, about work, about your children etc. Everything is possible.

Resources of How To Save Your Marriage

Saving Marriages With Unconditional Love

2009-08-27T10:23:00.000-07:00

In the middle of a session the other day I had a powerful realization. I was asked to think of a relationship I had with something in the last week that in my mind was the ideal relationship, and to think of what it was about that relationship that made it ideal.

A number of men in the group thought of their cars, tool sheds, families, workmates, old friends, even relationships with objects such as their television remote, recliner chair, or favorite pair of shoes. To each of these men, these things felt comfortable, and simple. The relationships they had with these people or objects was rewarding and easy to maintain.

When my turn came to identify my ideal relationship, I thought of my dog. My dog has very simple needs, and it is the ultimate ego-boost for me when I get home at night and I am greeted in such an enthusiastic fashion. I don’t know of any others that greet me so enthusiastically night after night. No matter how long I have been away from the house or no matter how my day has been. I call this unconditional love.

So what is unconditional love?

Unconditional love is the type of love that comes without conditions. It is the type of love that you have for your partner when the romantic, hollywood-style love is gone. Once the romantic love is gone you make the transition to "real" love. Real love is love you have for your partner despite the knowledge that they are not perfect. You know your partner has faults. You know your partner is not perfect. You know your partner makes mistakes sometimes, but that’s okay. You still love them. This is unconditional love.

The same thing applies to you however in looking at your partner’s faults. You acknowledge that you are the same. You have faults. You are not perfect. You know you make mistakes sometimes, but that’s okay. That’s called self-acceptance, and you expect unconditional love to overcome the faults and imperfections that people have.

So what do you get from this then? Should we all go out and get dogs to teach us something about unconditional love? Maybe there is a lesson to be learnt here. We all clutter our lives with trials and tribulations, and there is the temptation to let our issues rule our lives.

But if you are serious about saving your marriage you need to put the clutter to one side and let your unconditional love come through. It is okay to have faults and make mistakes. And love will conquer them all.

Have a think about unconditional love and how you can apply this realization to your relationship.

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Unconditional love is a great reason to save your mariage. If you have that unconditional love you can regain your relationship and continue to have a complete and happy family life.
As long as love remains in couple everything you went through will vanish.

Resources of How To Save Your Marriage

Save Your Marriage, Save Your Relationship, Stop Divorce

2009-08-27T10:07:00.000-07:00

Steps to Saving Your Marriage Alone

(1) Release Control. Let go. Stop Criticism. Stop nagging. Stop pleading. Also stop declaring your undying love to him.

You will find that the more you nag and plead, the more you energetically drive the person away. Begging, pleading, desperation, neediness and criticism belong to the category of weak attractor energy patterns, they are forceful and force repels. Power attracts. Your inner power attracts.

Also people respond to emotions and not logic. Think about it. He has already made up his mind emotionally not to stay, convincing him logically to do so will not work.

What you need to do is this:

Listen passively to whatever he is saying and agree with it totally. Say, “Yes, I can see where you are coming from.” Simply agree. What you are really doing is verbal Aikido.

See, in Aikido, you encounter the greatest path of resistance is when you oppose someone directly. When you go along with their energy by agreeing, you dispel the energy. Their aggressive energy gets dissipated, while you remain in your center. Can you remember a time when you called up customer service to complain about a dodgy product? When they explained to you how you were wrong, did it not make you more angry? On the other hand, when they agreed with you and let you vent out your frustration, weren’t you in a better frame of mind to listen to what they had to say afterwards?

Next, you say that you respect his decision to part ways and that his happiness is important to you. This is a great way to show unconditional love. Realize that you are now “parting” on good terms. Your husband is parting with a wife that is unconditional in their love. This memory is going to stick with him.

Let them go on their own way, as you want to give them time to miss you. From now on withdraw all your wifely duties from your husband. Do not iron their clothes, wash and cook for them. This is about your self-respect. You are merely respecting his wishes by not interfering in his world as his wife anymore. This will also allow him to miss your “services”. However maintain your center in God. Do not go, “Ha, see what you are missing now!” It is all these good qualities in you that he is going to think about later.

Listen but do not place any value to the words,
“I am not in love with you.”
“I want to be with X. It is X that I love. I want to marry her.” Or any other variations thereof.

From this instance you are centered on God, not on appearances that are not of love.

Also, giving him space will give you time to focus to re-evaluate what you want for yourself and your marriage.

(2) Surrender your marriage in its current state to a higher power.

Recognize that there is a power greater than you that can give strength to rebuild your marriage. Connect to Spirit.

I know what you are thinking. Surrendering to spirit means giving up and losing control of your life, right? If that is what you are thinking, then you don't know what surrendering to Spirit is about. In fact it holds an often overlooked secret in saving your marriage. I have written an entire article on unlocking the secret to surrendering your marriage to Spirit.

(3) Decide on what you want (a) for yourself and (b) your marriage.

This is about focusing on solutions, rather than problems. Do you know the difference between problem thinking and outcome thinking? So many people are fixated on solving their marriage problems. They put so much energy and attention to their marriage problems, that eventually keep expanding because that is what they are focusing on and they wonder why they are not getting anywhere.

Working towards a solution is about investing energy and attention towards what you want for your marriage rather than what you don't want, ie your problems. It helps you focus on what you intend to see beyond marriage reconciliation horizon.

Many people write to me at great length about how they hate the other woman, how he is having sex with the other woman. They write about their fears. All that is understandable. However, when they invest their energy into how good it is for him and this other women, they are indeed manifesting relationship success for the other women. Also, they are manifesting their fears. Are you sabotaging your own marriage without realizing it? - Watch how you are activating the law of attraction in your marriage.

I show you how to put your focus in solving your marriage problems here.

Also, as I have discussed before, power attracts - your inner power attracts. Regain it. Inner power comes from regaining your self esteem and self confidence.

" I'm a diamond 'growing' through some uncomfortable changes right now. The fiery process will burn away things, people, habits and beliefs I no longer need to hold on to. The polishing will make me shine with wisdom, faith, courage, peace and victory over my circumstances.

In spite of the pain from the cutting of the diamond within me, I will get better not bitter because something great is about to happen in my life. I will stay in the Light...because I am precious in God's sight." -- Jewel Diamond Taylor

A few more tips written for women who are saving marriage alone.

- Integrate Spirit into your marriage saving solution. Do not try to be superwoman and do it all alone. Memorize this statement: "God will not intervene in my life, unless asked." I am not making all of this up - I got all the information after researching extensively on Near Death Experience reports - there is some information that is consistent and this is one of them.

- See how prayer works in saving your marriage

- How you can co-create your marriage with Spirit

- When your husband withholds his love, rely on Spirit to fulfill your emotional needs.

- Do not be deterred by appearances that are not of love coming from your husband. Your focus is faith in the Divine and not on appearances that are not of love.

- Do not try to reform your husband by preaching to him. Accept him as he is. Do your co-creation work with Spirit in the background.

- Live one day at a time.

- Do not ask for family and friends for advice. Pay no attention to what his friends are telling him to do either.

- Do what you can legally to delay the divorce.

- Do not badmouth your husband behind his back. Your negative vibrations will get to him.

- Do not manipulate your children to take your side.

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If you have the heart and goal to save your marriage you can do it! It's not easy what you'll be going through, just be patient and believe that you can surpass it all.

Resources of How To Save Your Marriage

How to Save Your Marriage

2009-08-27T09:42:00.000-07:00

When you exchanged vows, you promised your spouse that you would stay with them “until death do you part.” So what happened to get you to the point that you are considering divorce? If you can remember what made you fall in love in the first place, you can learn how to save your marriage by following these simple tips.

Step 1

Schedule some time together. Turn off your cell phones, your television and your instant messenger. Now sit down together and really listen to each other. Share your feelings with your spouse and listen to them share their feelings as well.

Step 2

Write each other love letters. Taking the time to send your spouse a little reminder that you love them can really help you reconnect. Plus, emphasizing your significant other’s best qualities can remind you what made you fall in love in the first place.

Step 3

Plan a date night. Many couples get so comfortable with each other after being married for several years that they stop dressing up for each other and going out on dates. You can re-energize your relationship with your spouse by planning a night out once a week when you have no choice but to dress your best.

Step 4

Do something for yourself. If you’re feeling self-conscious about your body, you’re probably going to reflect that onto your spouse. Create an exercise program to help you lose weight and eat a balanced diet. Buy yourself a new outfit for date night, or spend a day at the spa. Do something that makes you feel better about yourself.

Step 5

Make your spouse your number one priority. With work and kids demanding your constant attention, it’s easy to ignore the other adult in your life. But someday it will once again just be the two of you, and you are going to find that you no longer truly know the person sleeping beside you. Take a moment each day for your spouse and let them know you’re thinking about them throughout the day.

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Time for each other takes a big role in a relationship. Husband and wife should spend time for themselves alone after a long week of work to maintain their bond and share each others thoughts. This will help to save your marriage, it will make you think that at the end of the day there's someone who will listen to you and share your success and failures with.

Resources of How to Save Your Marriage