Five Wise Ways To Save Your Marriage

There are many things that couples can do to save their marriage. Although circumstances for each marriage are different, what I'm going to discuss in this article applies to every marriage.

1. Be Willing To Work on Your Marriage

Couples need to be willing to pick up the pieces and work with their spouse. Humble yourselves to each other. So many times couples blame one another for the disarray of the marriage because they are hurting inside. No one wants to feel hurt, pain and suffering. But what happens when we don't even try to forgive? The broken pieces of the marriage remain on the floor!

If no one is willing to pick up the pieces the marriage will remain broken. Negative emotions, past baggage, guilt and vulnerability will be carried with you into the next marriage or relationship. Don't think that remarriage is going to make you happy or solve your problems. That's not reality. The reality is you can pick up the pieces and resolve your martial problems and be a better marriage partner because of it.

2. Change Attitude From "Don't Care" to Committed

So how do you change an attitude from "don't care" to committed? You just do it. Understand that you probably walked into the marriage with non-commitment, even though your feelings told you otherwise. This day and age, many of us have not been taught the value of marriage, and many of us don't know what the bible says about marriage. This "don't care" attitude about the sanctity of marriage is what is killing marriages and families. What does God say about marriage? God says marriage is for a lifetime.

3. Forgive and Encourage Daily

Realize it's not just the big things that need forgiveness, but the everyday small things too. Forgiveness works very closely with acceptance. In marriage couples need to accept and tolerate the person they married. Forgive your husband for leaving the toilet seat up and watching too much television. Forgive your wife for not being a good cook or house cleaner. Do these small things really mean an end to the marriage?

We all have areas that need improved on. The best way to improve on ourselves is to encourage each other. Does that seem backwards to you? It is not backwards when you look at the big picture. When you encourage the person you married, you will be lifting them up in spirit, and in turn, they will see the positive aspects in you and do the same. Couples absolutely need to encourage one another every day. Instead of finding fault and bringing each other down, find the good in one another and bring each other up.

4. Appreciate Each Other More

This area in marriage is greatly lacking. Do you want to know why? Some of us take our marriage and everything in it for granted. Some of us never stop to think about all that our spouse does for us. Do we expect too much from the person we married. We somehow think that if only they would do this, or change to be like that, then we would be happy. But this kind of thinking is not reality, is it?

Stop and notice your marriage. When was the last time you told your spouse how much you appreciate them for all they do? Don't let the doldrums of marriage make you emotionally lazy. Show your appreciation in acts of kindness and love every single day of your marriage.

5. Realize Who The Creator of Marriage Is

Jesus Christ has already laid out the architectural design for a Christian marriage. He has given us the wisdom and the knowledge to live marriage God's way! If we manage our marriage under our own understanding it will have difficulties and possibly fail. We absolutely have to put God first so we can understand how to love the person we married in the ways of Christ. God is the Master Architect of marriage and for a happy marriage we need to base our actions on His design.



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Make God as the center of your relationship and you'll surpass every trials in your marriage.

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Honey, did you hear me? Why men don’t listen?

Differences between the male and female brain are to blame, says Dr. Robi Love by the numbers

“Why doesn’t he listen to me?’ “Why can’t he remember what I tell him?” “What is it with him and that remote control?”

Sound familiar? Yep, I thought so. It’s not uncommon for women to feel that their partner is not listening to them. This is not to say that all men refuse to listen, but it’s a common enough trend among them to at least raise this issue.

When I told some of my male friends I’d be looking at this topic, I asked them for their thoughts and insights about men and their ability — or inability — to listen. Many of them laughed a knowing laugh, while others agreed, “It’s because you gals don’t get to the point fast enough.” Here are some of the common complaints men had about their partners’ “conversational style”:

* Women talk too much.
* Men assume they’ve heard it all before.
* They feel their partners are yelling or nagging them about something.
* The topic at hand is really not that interesting (ouch!).
* Or simply: They are more pressing matters to attend to.

According to some of the current research out there, it’s our brains that are to blame. And this difference may start even before we’re born. Testosterone (for men) and estrogen (for women) flood our fetal brains, which leads to marked differences in brain development and neural connections. Male brains tend to have less area for word use and word production. The male brain also produces less serotonin and oxytocin than the female brain. Serotonin helps to calm us down and oxytocin helps us with bonding behaviors.

So what does this all really mean? Men may not take in as much conversation as women do, because they have fewer verbal centers designated for it. This may also make the man in your life want to end conversations quicker than their female partners do. The male brain may also rejuvenate differently than the female brain. Men like to rest and chill out more than women do. Women may want to bond at the end of the day to rejuvenate and feel connected, because of the oxytocin found in their brains. So what’s the answer? We know that couples who don’t listen to each other eventually head for disaster, so that’s clearly NOT an option. Here are some tips to help the ladies out with the men in their lives:

* Timing may be everything. Think about the best time to bring up important discussions. It’s probably wise to wait till he’s done with the TV or newspaper before having your say.

* Keep it short and to the point. And remember, the end of the evening may not be the best time to go into details.

* Pause regularly and maintain eye contact to make sure your partner is still listening to you.
For the guys out there: Remember, your partner is not giving you a final exam. Women just want to be emotionally supported and attended to. If you communicate that you care and get the emotions behind your partner’s story, your efforts will be greatly appreciated and probably rewarded, too. Now that doesn’t sound too hard, does it? The bottom line is: We all want to feel important and loved in the right way … and nothing beats talking to and finding a way to hear your partner, in order to achieve that very worthy goal.




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It is important for couple to listen to one another so they could understand each others feelings. Men are insensitive at times maybe they are born to be like that, women should make some move to make their husband listen to them.

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Protect and Save Your Marriage: Learn to Dance

Cultures around the world create social dances as an expression of male and female relationships. The dances look different in Europe, North America and Latin America; just as the relationships between men and women look different in those cultures. At the core of all dance is communication. Two people, with different roles, working together to form a better union – in life or on the dance floor.

Compared to many other countries, American men are expected to lead more by example rather than force. Unfortunately some men are raised to be bullies and brutes. In America, communication between men and women is more open, often creating a deep level of trust. These traits can be seen in the dances America has created; primarily Lindy Hop and West Coast Swing. West Coast Swing evolved from its big brother, Lindy Hop, as music morphed from Big Band into pop, blues, and hip hop. These dances rely heavily on “leading” and “following” according to set rules, with a huge amount of space allowed for individual expression and the ability to create and find direction as-you-go.

There are two primary forms of dance. The first is individual dance and the second is partner dance. Individual dance is all about you. Basically, individual dance is a “Look at me. Look at me.” art form. In contrast, partner dancing is more about the connection that people share in dance. Individual dance is about “me” and partner dancing is about “us” or “you and me”. Partner dancing is an incredible expressive, experiential and action method that provides a wonderful metaphor and example for building positive relationships. This is important. Dancing allows people to behave in ways that can change relationships.

West Coast Swing

Virtually all partner dancing is a means to deepen, strengthen and learn the responsibility of relationships. West Coast swing is one of the very best, most interesting, creative and fun dances you can learn. But there are others. Salsa is another. And there is Tango. But we are going to focus on West Coast Swing because you can use this dance with all sorts of music including smooth jazz, hip-hop, street music and even many types of rap.

So we are going to tell you what West Coast Swing has to offer people who want to have better marriages or to become a better parent, spouse, friend or lover.

A successful relationship recognizes that the role of leadership must be taken by one person at a time; not both. In West Coast Swing, men lead and women follow. But even this is not absolute. The role of leadership will at times pass back and forth, but each person leads in their own way. Initiative or creativity may pass from one to the other. Ultimately, the question of direction should come from one person consistently. For the sake of space, we will set aside the discussion of natural or created roles and assume the lead role of this dance drama to be played by the man. (But in reality, a woman can lead in a manner that is called “back-leading” whereby a woman’s greater awareness and personal decisions in the dance leads that man in ways that are not obvious to the casual observer. In partnership, and with every great dance team, there is a woman who can either lead or follow; but she chooses to follow.)

There are 4 key principles in partner dancing. Knowing these, as we learn dance, can help you understand, deepen and appreciate the importance and responsibility of your relationships with others.

Asking

The concept of a respectful relationship and sensitive interaction can be difficult to teach, especially to people who have never experienced such a relationship as a child or young adult. It is even more difficult to comprehend if that person was neglected or abused. The concept of “Asking” is quit different from demanding. The ultimate expression of “asking” is one where the response is invariably “Yes, I would love to.” This goes to heart of West Coast Swing. The “Ask” goes like this. Take your partner’s hand, creating the lightest possible connection, relax your arm, center your body, feel the music, find the count, move from your center on the one count… and your already in a relationship. There is no yanking, pulling, jerking, or muscling. It is a beautiful perfectly timed moment that begins a flight of movement where you feel totally present, connected, playful and like you are communicating. These physical movements directly teach people how important a beginning, a request and communication can be. Little things matter. Marriage, at least often, is about asking, and definitely not demanding, arguing, debating and forcing your spouse to follow.

Lead and Follow

As a leader on the dance floor, a man must learn how to lead in such a way that the woman wants to follow. His lead must be respectful, unambiguous, and must be at the appropriate time. He invites, rather than demands, and then he waits and allows her to complete her own movement. She is in charge of herself. There is no pulling involved; no fight over timing. He is listening to music and he leads her on the “1” of the musical phrase. His lead comes from his body; his core, and his heart. He leads by example, first moving himself, then inviting her to move with him. He never stands still and pulls her across the floor. Imagine a military officer, who is used to yelling orders to his soldiers, talking to his wife the same way. He would be faced with an unhappy wife – or divorce papers. On the dance floor, his lead is gentle and she can tell he’s aware of her. She feels cared for and therefore obliges with grace and a smile.

When a woman feels respected and loved, she is open to being asked and she will naturally and often say yes. In dance, like marriage, there is already a willingness to ask and be asked. If not, then problems are likely to surface. A women does not need to lead if the direction is clear. She actually knows that she has much more interesting, challenging and rewarding things to do. Her role is not just to respond but also to “run her own life” on the dance floor. She knows how to hold her hand, her frame, how to move her center when he initiates a movement and so she moves on her own power. She is balanced so she does not depend on him for her movement. She doesn’t use him to help her move across the floor. She keeps her center over her feet so when he asks her to move, she reacts from her core and glides easily. Essentially she is an independent, balanced entity, but she chooses to connect with him and let him guide. She can walk away at any moment if she wants and not lose her balance. The connection is gentle, powerful and without force. It is a healthy partnership.

Connection and Communication

Partner dancing happens from your center, just as life communication happens from the heart. However the partners are connected by about four feet of arms and hands, which makes the issue a bit more difficult. Arms and fingers can distract from the important communication happening in the center, therefore how both partners hold their fingers is just as important as how a person speaks and listens in a conversation. The lead must be clear, with enough tension to “say” something to her but without unnecessary movements feel and that sounds like “babbling”. If he constantly moves his hand when he is not intending to lead a move, she will quickly learn that he likes to babble and she will ignore him. Likewise, the woman’s arm must be loose so she can “hear” what he’s saying. If she tenses the muscles in her arm, it is as if she is interrupting the conversation and she’s unable to listen.

The Play

Within his lead a man leaves more space for her to play. A man actually does not get to play as much. If he plays to much, the dance looks foolish. Women are almost always better dancers and more fun to watch. She adds the fun stuff; the sensuality and spice to the dance. His lead is sometimes direct, other times open-ended. Since she’s listening, she can tell when he’s creating her free time to play. He is thinking about her, himself, where they might go next and whether or not he can lead her is a way where she says “Yes!”

Every leader who is a beginner feels the pressure of being rejected. In time, his leadership will become more than leadership. It is harmony. The play of the dance is based on the music, so if both partners understand the music and know what’s coming, they know to expect the other person to react to a change in instruments or vocals or rhythm. They don’t know what the other person will do, but she’s ready for something that (hopefully) allows her to interpret the music. There are times when it’s appropriate for her to interrupt, with a signal, and add something he hadn’t thought of or didn’t hear in the music. The relationship is deeper and more worthwhile because of what she adds. But just like a conversation, an interruption should be relevant to what’s being “said”, or what he’s leading. She can enhance the dance with as much spice as she wants as long as she doesn’t take away from what he’s leading. Basically, she plays within the moves he leads. And almost without exception, she’s the prettier part of the pair and the one who warrants the most attention because she has the freedom to add color. If he stifles her, the dance will not flourish. If she steals the lead, synergy is quelled. But when a man and a woman know their roles and operate to their best within their framework, magic is created.

Therapy and Dance

Dance is not only an art form but a means of communication. Dance is also an interaction and expression of many things human. Therapists have studied and even incorporated dance as a therapy. This is not really hard to imagine, because if you dance, or are learning to dance, you will discover that dancing will cause many feeling and thoughts. Dance therapy is used as an expressive, experiential or action method. The way we move our body alone, or in public, is a deeply personal and sometimes a rewarding or threatening behavior. We learn a great deal when we move and especially when we move in relation with or to others. . We discover our self and others by dancing and watching others dance. We can learn a great deal about respect, responsibility, cooperation, collaboration and the achievement of goals.



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That's true. In marriage, you should dance together, meaning both of you should interact with one another. Talk about little things after work at home, have a nice date, talk about how you feel, take time with your kids, rekindle romance and listen to one another.

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How to Have an Inspired Marriage

When we hear that a couple has an inspired marriage, words that come to mind are steadfast, resilient, stimulating, and motivating. Individuals in inspired marriages are generally steadfast and resilient folks who can motivate and stimulate not only themselves but their spouses as well.

How to Have an Inspired Marriage

According to Russell Bishop, three keys to having an inspired life are:

* Listen: Listen to what you say to yourself and to others.

* Awareness: Notice what you are experiencing.

* Intention and Focus: Know where to start and stay focused.

These three keys, listening, being aware, and staying focused, could also lead a couple to having an inspired marriage.

Why Should You Want an Inspired Marriage?

Having purpose and meaning to your individual lives is important to most people. Having purpose and meaning in your marriage can help remind you both of who you are and what you care deeply about. This awareness would give your marriage a solid foundation on which to make plans and make goals together.



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When you love each other being inspired is easy. It makes a difference when both of you are inspired in your relationship. It makes you stronger and feels like going to your old habit which is being stuck with one another.

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The Secret to Dealing With a Fork in the Road in Your Marriage

Throughout your marriage journey with each other, the two of you will face the proverbial forks in the road. When you are at these crossroads, some of the decisions may be serious and life changing. Years later other forks in the road in your marriage will be hardly remembered. All the forks in the road will require you to make a decision.

You know you are facing a fork in the road in your marriage when you realize if the two of you don't make a decision to go one way or the other you will hit a brick wall. Sometimes you have a pretty good idea of where the paths lead. Other times you may feel as if you are leaping into a deep canyon without any idea of how far you have to jump.

The Secret About Forks in the Road

The most important thing to remember about forks in the road is to not hide your heads in the sand. When you come to a fork in the road, make a decision. Other tips to handling forks in the road:

* Accept that change happens and realize that not all forks in the road have negative consequences.

* If the fork in the road is due to the death of a loved one, allow yourself and your spouse the time and space to grieve. Accept that you both may grieve the loss in different ways.

* If the fork in the road is caused by a natural disaster such as a flood, hurricane, fire, or earthquake, be realistic about what you can and can't do and don't be in a rush to replace items.

* Keep a monthly journal. List the important decisions you make. Did you move, lose a job, get ill, purchase a pet, let go of a dream, have a child, have an extended visit from your in-laws, face a financial crisis, handled an issue such as pornography or infidelity in your marriage, take a vacation? At the ending of each year, reflect back on the year and talk with each other about the way the two of you handled the many forks in the road that you faced together.

What Forks in the Road Have You Faced?

Most forks in the road are unexpected although you can foresee some forks in the road such as when your last child leaves home or if one of you decides to return to college.

As we look back on our years together, some of the forks in the road that have impacted our marriage and changed our lives include the birth of our children, the death of three of our babies, our divorce and remarriage, going back to college, illness and recovery, deciding to move, changing jobs, becoming an empty nest couple, coping with aging parents, fires, and remodeling our home. What forks in the road have you faced together?




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In facing forks in your marriage, it's important that you still meet on the same path in the end.

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There is Hope for Your Marriage: Using the Differences as Opportunities to Grow

Traditionally, when couples fight, have misunderstandings, discover a lack of things in common, or confront the challenge of incompatibility, their first instinct is to flee while rationalizing to themselves "this will never work, we're just too different." In The New Intimacy, Judith and Jim present a stark contrast to that perspective, illuminating that it's within the depths of those very differences where the most profound potential for real love lies, waiting to be awakened.

With commitment, courage, and the willingness to exchange stale, unconscious behavior patterns for fresh, healthy choices, you can learn how to transform the differences into catalysts for growth, instead of fodder for heartache. Based on the principles of The New Intimacy differences between partners can make lovers out of adversaries.

"Conscious Creativity" -- a nine step process to working through conflict rather than running away from it – is one of the techniques Judith and Jim advise practicing. Your goal is to co-create and discover a new way of being together, a resolution that satisfies both of you. Therefore, each of you need to speak your half of the problem and listen respectfully and with genuine curiosity to your partner's point of view.

1. Define the issue – truthfully express what is disturbing you in as much detail as possible.

2. Feel your feelings – experience and communicate your feelings as honestly and openly as you can in the moment you are feeling them.

3. Remember that you care – keep in mind that ongoing relationships are a mosaic made up of many facets, and there is more to your partner and your relationship than any one issue.

4. Beware of self-sabotage – stay aware of what's going on inside you during a rough spot in the relationship, don't allow old negative behavior patterns to swamp the present moment.

5. Change your mind – open yourself to the fact that any issue can be understood and interpreted in a variety of ways, otherwise you'll continue to stay in a rut and progressively dig the hole deeper with every conflict.

6. Take personal responsibility – ask yourself in what way or ways do you contribute to the situation that upsets you. Rarely if ever in an ongoing relationship does a difficulty arise that has not been contributed to by both partners.

7. Remember that your partner is not you – learn to internalize and understand that your partner is not you. Your resolutions will be respectful of your differences only when you both find ways to empathize with the other's point of view.

8. Be consciously creative – hold the other in your consciousness as you want to be held.
Appreciate and value the others experience in the ways that it is different from yours.

9. Seek both/ and solutions – as you seek a resolution, remember that you are two different people, and the resolution needs to reveal not an either/ or but a both/ and quality. Resolutions aren't about winning, they're about a process of respect and intimacy, growth and emergence.

Guard against the very dangerous belief that if you're having difficulty with your partner, that means your relationship is in trouble. More than likely it means your relationship needs a tune-up and an oil change. Only in romantic fantasy does everything go smoothly without attention, care and change.



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God will not give us trials that we cannot handle, bear it in your mind. You can get through all those trials just believe in yourself and hand it God.

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How to Save Your Marriage Before It's Too Late

Prior to a legal divorce ensuing, the majority of couples undergo an emotional break-up. You should never try to stop a legal divorce - instead, you should try to turn it around. It is important to attempt to halt the emotional divorce. If you're searching for ways to save your marriage, I have a few simple recommendations.

The most important thing to pay attention to in saving your marriage is you. Not really in a selfish way, rather a self-serving way. Do not criticize your partner in a way that you are trying to fix them. Instead, look at yourself and center to their criticisms (without throwing out accusations) and better yourself. Spend time listening to your spouse and see what you can do to fix the problem.

Sometimes you must make personal changes instead of trying to fix your spouse. If you begin to change, your spouse will acknowledge and respond to these changes and begin changing themselves. If you can manage to avoid the things that your spouse is complaining about, there will be nothing for them to complain about. As long as you adjust to criticism that is launched, no more criticisms will follow. When you yield criticisms you are making your partner aggravated and you are digging yourself deeper into a soulful separation.

Consider how your spouse feels about you. Trying to remedy the situation can be painful and slow. When you let go, destructive feelings have the chance to diffuse. By arguing with your spouse, you just create negative memories and bad feelings that can grow over time. As long as you don't react in a negative manner, there won't be anything to expand on.

A marriage is a contract where you have to work. Improve yourself and then observe your partner improving themselves in return. Although these things may seem insignificant, these are some crucial ways to save your marriage-- give them a try!

Resolving conflicts can be incredibly trying both emotionally and physically. But, there is always HOPE!



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Everybody deserves a second chance. You can save your marriage as early as possible, as long as love and trust is within your relationship then it's not possible.

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Can A Trial Separation Save Your Marriage?

No one should ever suffer loneliness and your soul mate is out there waiting for you, and if you look hard enough you will find each other. If you are already involved in a relationship you will find that it does need work from both partners, because no matter how compatible you are together, there will always be certain issues and relationship problems that will arise that must be addressed and resolved. Strong healthy relationships don't just happen; they are built on knowledge, compromise and sharing.

Relationships also need space otherwise they may stagnate and at certain times both partners need to have time alone to renew themselves. No doubt you have heard the common saying that if your partner comes back after the freedom of unconditional separation then you are meant to be together! Couples that have been together for a long time may have asked this question at some time or another. Can separation save your relationship? The honest answer to this question can only be given by yourselves and if you want to go your separate ways as a temporary measure, then the reasons must be investigated why you need time out of the relationship.

If your relationship is already a long standing one, then you may be considering the next step which is that of getting married. This is where separation can save a relationship because this temporary freedom may give you a better understanding of your feelings for your partner, and also whether you are prepared to continue with the relationship. No doubt you have heard the saying where a partner asks for space and time to think. Either the separation can save a relationship, or make the person realize that it is time to move on.

Long term relationships where both partners have accumulated assets together may be a little more complicated when you have both asked the question of whether separation can save your relationship. On the positive side separation can renew the bonds and feelings towards each other. However; if the realization is reached that partners wish to go their separate ways afterwards rather than continue with the relationship, then legal advice will have to be investigated so that the assets accumulated together can be divided between partners satisfactorily.

Whether separation can save a relationship or not, varies from couple to couple and the underlying reasons may come with an ulterior motive. Time alone from each other may be all that is necessary rather than a period of extended separation, and this should be enough to renew the feelings between each other and even strengthen the relationship as well.

Now, you and your partner may wonder whether separation can save a relationship; and your answers and reasons for the decision may be completely different. Being away from each other gives you time to think of your current relationship standing, the memories you have enjoyed together and the personal growth you have experienced through the relationship. For some couples that have had long term relationships the answer to the question whether separation can save a relationship is varied. Many will agree that some time out is healthy while others may consider it entirely unnecessary.



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Communication can help you solve your differences. Trial separation may help in some ways that you'll realize that you need each other, but it's better that you stick together and solve it on your own calming way.

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Save Your Marriage For Your Kids

Getting separated or a divorced seems to be a very simple process, but it leaves a high impact on personal and family life of a person. The person undergoing this process may face lot of pain and stress and lose the personal as well as social stability.

It is extremely stressful experience especially for the children of divorcing parents, irrespective of sex and age. They could get mentally troubled and their future may get disfigured. For this reason, it is over and over again advised to rescue the marriage for the brood.

More often than not, the world of children is regulated by their parents and they are completely dependant on their parents for every one of their needs. What they necessitate in their growing age is fondness and security from their parents. When their parents assume the conclusion of partition, they emotionally possibly will collapse and become twitchy.

When the dilemma of child safekeeping happens in the court, it may turn into very complex for the child to prefer one of the parents by means of whom he/she is assumed to live with in forthcoming since the child loves both the parents evenly. In case of juvenile child, the court takes the verdict about the guardianship of child which may perhaps be potent for the child. For this reason, to look after the right of a child to have both the parents, you necessitate to save the marriage for the kids.

As the divorce influences the economical position of an individual, it possibly will turn out to be complex for a single parent to acquire appropriate care of a child. Given that, divorce or marriage separation is not in a social context accepted in some states, the child may perhaps feel uncomfortable. There may possibly be some tribulations in emotional bonding of children and parents. A child of divorced parents could experience a feeling of forceful anger, diffidence and isolation.

The costs of divorce affect approximately each facet of the children's lives such as emotions and manners coping skills, psychological progress and the parent-child bond. The children possibly will suffer helplessness and loneliness due to aggravation which may guide to some health problems such as sleep complicatedness.



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In making a decision, always prioritize your kids because in every decision you make especially in your relationship and your family they are the most affected.

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Who Will Save Your Marriage

Finding a skilled marriage counselor who really cares about you and your marriage can be difficult. When considering relationship counseling, your self-esteem is often at its lowest point and when you experience constant bickering and arguments you may feel afraid that a divorce may be in your future.

You may also feel terrified and worry about the welfare of your kids. When you are suffering from a troubled marriage, the best thing you can do is reach out to a counselor.

Qualified relationship counselors come with various credentials. You should usually look for a licensed psychologist, clinical social worker or mental health counselor who specializes in marriage counseling. These highly trained counseling specialists have seen it all and can give you expert advice.

If you have never consulted a counselor before, but want to, you are probably feeling apprehensive. This is absolutely normal.

After all, you will be revealing to a stranger some of the most intimate and personal details of your life and it may be embarrassing and painful. But a new chance at a full and loving marriage is well worth the chance.

To start, make a list of the features you are seeking in a counselor. For example, reflect on what you might like about your family physician.

You should be most concerned about finding someone with the right credentials and with whom you have a good rapport. You may need to find someone with flexible hours who can accommodate a hectic schedule.

For most, it is important to have a knowledgeable counselor with an excellent reputation and years of experience. A good counselor should treat you with respect, patience, sensitivity, and courtesy.

Before your first visit, take the time to prepare a list of questions. Pick someone with whom you feel comfortable talking and with whom you will be able to carry on an open dialogue.

If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask. Good marriage counselors want you to be prepared and to demonstrate an active interest in the process.

If you find your counselor stiff, rigid or difficult to talk to, consider finding a new one. You should never feel rushed, ignored, or unable to ask questions.

Let your counselor know about any anxiety or nervousness. This can help him or her to be acutely aware of your needs and often results in a better consultation.

After deciding to take this important step, here are some additional tips. For example, if the cost of treatment is paramount, consult your health insurance or employee assistance program at work to see if they cover counseling.

Also, you may be restricted to a specific network of professionals. If so, get the roster and then make an appointment as early as possible.

When perusing the list, remember that a well-trained marriage counselor must be either a psychologist, social worker, marriage and family therapist or mental health counselor who is licensed in your state to practice independently.

This licensure often requires the passage of an oral examination and/or a comprehensive written exam. He or she will have graduated from an accredited graduate school and have completed specialized training.

Another thing to look for is membership in a major professional association. These include The American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, The American Counseling Association and The National Association of Social Workers.

Members of these organizations often receive continuing education classes and must remain in good standing to remain members. Also, select a seasoned marriage counselor, one with experience. The one with many years experience is more apt to make an accurate assessment and provide the best services.

Marriage counselors usually do not believe that people should enter counseling with the primary goal of trying to change their partners. It is frustrating, does not work and often makes things worse!

Remember, the ONLY person you can really change is yourself and sometimes that is not so easy either! One of the most horrendous mistakes you can make is to get married to an incompatible person thinking that you will be able to change him/her!

Also, sometimes only one person is motivated to pursue counseling or really improve the relationship. How can you deal with a difficult marriage when your partner does not want to change?

What do you do if you have a spouse who has a serious behavior problem i.e. compulsive drugging, drinking, spending, raging, or inability to hold a job, verbal or physical abusivness, infidelity etc. And what if he/she is not willing to go to counseling or work on the marriage?

What do you do? Some experts believe a marriage can become much better even if a difficult spouse never changes.

How? By working on oneself-by learning to HANDLE your spouses flaws more effectively i.e. not blaming, not allowing yourself to become over-involved in your partners problems, detaching yourself from the troublesome aspects of your spouses life, and even going to support groups and counseling to learn how to achieve all of this.

When your spouse is uncooperative, it is imperative to assess your expectations to determine how you alone can still be a positive force in your children's lives and your relationship. However, there are no easy answers.

Much depends on how much you are willing to sacrifice to keep your marriage from falling apart. Most professionals would contend, however, that if your resistant spouse is causing you to be dysfunctional in maintaining your physical or mental health, or at home, in your job or with your kids or friends, it might be best or even necessary, to develop a plan to end the relationship.

One absolute rule is to not endanger yourself or your kids by remaining in an abusive relationship. The imperative of saving lives comes before that of saving your marriage.



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I believe that husband and wife should solve their problems together. But if that's not the case, anyone who is willing to save their relationship and fix their problems can also help. As long as you wanted to save it you can find ways to rekindle your relationship.


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How Divorce Affects Children

Constant fighting with your spouse and a seemingly broken marriage can prompt you to think about separation or divorce. But what happens if you have children in your family? If you are considering getting a divorce and you have children, you might want to think about how they will be affected. Here are some aspects children and divorce that should be considered, as referred to from the Children and Divorce website.


Insecurity and Disillusion

Children may appear to be naturally resilient. At young ages, children seem to have the priorities of having playtime and loving their parents. But a divorce can also wreck their sense of security and cause disillusionment. Instead of knowing that they have two loving parents in one home, children will feel that something is missing when mommy or daddy is permanently out of the home. They know when the picture is no longer complete and may find other ways to compensate for the negative internal feelings. Children will also start to question lessons taught by mom and dad such as “we will always be together”, “always talk nicely to those you love” and “you can always work out an argument through talking”.

Blame

Kids can sometimes feel to be the blame of divorce, especially if they hear arguments over child-rearing activities. During separation periods, kids can feel they are the blame for custody arguments. And no matter what parents tell them, children may still feel deep on the inside that it is their fault.

Picking Sides

Children could also be forced to pick sides. Although some parents may never say it out loud, there are those who can create conflict in a child by having different priorities at each home. Parents who compete in a one-upsmanship game with the kids could create a mom versus dad conflict.

Friendship Circles

Friendship circles can be completely disrupted through divorce. Friends are often the rocks that children lean on and count on. Friends commonly seen when the families were together may never be seen again, especially if parents with primary custody move away. For children that are in a shared custody agreement, new friends must be made. Grandparents suffer from divorce, too. Children may not see the ex spouse’s grandparents if the parents relocate.

Should You Divorce?

The obvious answer is that there is no one true answer. Continuing to live in a marriage full of pain, lacking love and constant arguments could create an air of despair that children may not need to live in. But a divorce too soon where no effort was made to save the marriage could create the situations listed above. If your marriage is in trouble, consider taking every step possible to figure out if it can be saved before taking the permanent decision of divorce.

And wherever possible, take a united front in parenting for the sake of the kids. This means communicating and adhering to common bedtimes, disciplinary tactics and established routines agreed upon that will happen at both homes. Refrain from negatively discussing about one parent in front of the other. If an argument is to be had, have it away from their ears. Finally, don’t just remind your kids that divorce isn’t their fault; show them through love and building their confidence in you.


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Your children are most affected when divorce happened. If you can talk it through do it. Your children's lives matter most, they need both of you. Settle everything as long as you can. Divorce is not a solution to your problem.

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There are ways of saving your marriage before it starts

One way of saving your marriage before it starts is to build a hedge of protection around your new relationship. What not all newlyweds realize is that it’s important to protect your marriage from outside influences that have the power to undermine all of the love and hard work you are bringing to your growing relationship. Here are three ways of saving your marriage before it starts:

Step 1 – Communicate

Saving your marriage before it starts begins with you two talking about what you expect from each other and from yourselves. How will you each protect your marriage, and what would you like to ask each other to do? For example, are there certain behaviors you want to highlight that make you somewhat uncomfortable because of the temptation they present? Just brainstorm together about ways you can guard yourselves and your marriage and fully live out your commitment to each other. That’s the first step of saving your marriage before it starts.

Step 2 – Pledge

The second suggestion for saving your marriage before it starts is to write a pledge to each other about what you will each do, personally, to protect your marriage from infidelity. Write them out and verbally commit to acting on your pledge. (A quick note of caution here: be realistic as you choose the pledges you make to each other. For example, it’s not going to be possible to avoid ever talking to someone of the opposite sex. But you can promise to avoid saying anything that could be construed as flirtatious, or as critical of your mate.)

Step 3 – Live your commitment

Saving your marriage before it starts is ultimately about putting into practice what you’ve communicated and pledged to each other. Yes, communication and promises are important in a new marriage. But ultimately, saving your marriage before it starts comes down to the decision and your ability to actually live out the vows you’ve made to each other. So right now, as you begin this most-important of relationships, make the decision that your vows are a sacred duty that you will uphold day by day, and moment by moment. Then you’ll be well on your way to saving your marriage before it starts.



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Stick to what is right. Save your marriage. Talk about your problems and differences, you can solve it as early as you want, communication is the key.

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How to Decide if Your Marriage is Worth Saving

If your marriage is in trouble it's time to take an honest look as to why. Can the problems be worked out or is it time to consider ending the marriage? How do you decide if your marriage is worth saving?

Step 1

Recognize physical or emotional abuse. Physical abuse is easy to recognize. The one question to ask yourself is, "Am I afraid of my spouse?" If the answer is yes, it is time to end the marriage. Many choose to ignore or do not recognize emotional abuse. Some common signs of emotional abuse are constant criticism, berating, insulting, treating as inferior or a servant, demanding gratitude and isolation from family and friends. Anything that makes you feel bad about yourself on a regular basis can be considered emotional abuse.

If you have an abusive spouse that is unwilling to seek help, you can only expect the abuse to get worse. It is time to end the marriage. Don't wait until it's too late. The National Domestic Violence Hotline, 800-799-7233 (ndvh.org) offers referrals and advice.

Step 2

Acknowledge infidelity. Many couples are able to work through the feelings of betrayal that an affair brings. If you or your spouse feel that over time this transgression can be forgiven then your marriage is worth saving. If not, it is probably better to end the marriage.

Step 3

Question your true feelings and answer them honestly to yourself. Are you still in love with your spouse or are you in love with the idea of marriage? Do you enjoy being with your spouse or does time together leave you irritated, depressed or wishing you were alone or somewhere else? Do you respect your spouse and feel supportive in values and beliefs?

Step 4

Connect problems that recur. A pattern of fighting over trivial matters, disagreeing about everything, cruel teasing, refusal to work on major issues, an unwillingness to compromise and always bringing up past hurts indicates that there are some serious problems in the marriage that may be beyond repair.

Step 5

Measure the intimacy in your marriage. Intimacy is defined as a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person. Does this describe how you feel toward your spouse or do you try to avoid affection and personal contact?

Step 6

Inspect other relationships to see if the problems in your marriage are affecting how you relate to others and how you do your job. If others get a sense of sadness, moodiness, frustration, anger, fear, inattentiveness or impatience from you it might be time to end the marriage.

Step 7

Appraise your own health. How is your stress level? Are you sleeping well? Eating properly? Exercising regularly? Attending to personal hygiene as you once did? If the problems in your marriage are having an effect on your personal health it might be time to end it.

Step 8

Seek counsel if you and your spouse have come to a point where you can no longer communicate. Sometimes an outsider can offer perspectives on problems that seem hopeless.

Step 9

Determine to give your all to your marriage for a designated period of time. Make your best effort and really try to improve your marriage. If at the end of this time you still feel hopeless, you will have a feeling of closure knowing you did your best to save the marriage.



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Every marriage is worth saving. Do whatever you can to save your family and your relationship. It lies on both of you, every problems has it's own solutions.

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6 Easy Steps to Rebuild Intimacy in Your Relationship

You feel your relationship is suffering a little and you think both of you aren’t on the same wavelength anymore. You think the relationship is worth saving, but you don’t know how to bridge the gap between you both to rebuild the intimacy you desire.

If you feel the relationship is worth saving and worth the effort to get it to grow, there are some things you can do in order to heal the wounds and move forward together as a strong couple.

1. Talk things out with each other. Always let the other person know what your feelings are, what you want out of life and things you would like to do. You have to remember that your partner can’t read your mind and will need you to tell them what you want. If they don’t know, how are they going to give you what you need in the relationship?

2. Be open and honest. Don’t waste time and effort trying to play mind games with your partner. You can’t expect them to read between the lines and know that when you say, “I’m fine,” it really means you’re fuming inside. The longer you take to get the truth to the surface, the longer it will be until you’re in a truly happy relationship.

3. Trust one another. Trust is what makes a relationship grow into a healthy one and allows intimacy to come into play. Without trust, a relationship will only continue on a destructive path and prevent true intimacy from becoming a part of your partnership.

4. Spend some “we” time together as a couple without your family and friends tagging along with you. In order for a relationship to flourish, it needs you to spend a little time with each other - basically getting to know one another - and what your likes and dislikes are.

When you feel you know your partner well enough, intimacy will come much easier when others aren’t trying to get in your way. And don’t think that just because you’ve known your partner for 15 years, then you still know what it is they like and don’t like – people change over time and so do their preferences.

5. Go on a romantic trip together. Pick a spot that you can have some fun together while getting to know your lover a little more. A trip can help eliminate stress in a relationship and allows you to be more yourself with your partner.
You can be more relaxed with him or her, which breaks down the walls and allows intimacy to come through. Also, couples who took vacations reported a happier marriage overall than those who hadn’t been on a trip together in the last six years.

6. Be flexible with each other. You’ll need a little give and take in your relationship. If you expect your partner to go to a play with you when they’re not interested in the activity, then you should be willing to do something with them that you’re not interested in. Give and take is an excellent way to build intimacy in your relationship.
Building intimacy doesn’t have to be that hard to do. As long as both partners work to bridge the gap, they can build a healthy relationship that could involve a healthy level of closeness and compatibility.



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Rebuilding intimacy can help to save your marriage, you should give more time with each other, talk about anything and share what you feel.

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Prayers can save your marriage

Save our marriages. Together we can win the fight to save our marriages.

Lord,

Thank you for being here among us and giving us hope and comfort and knowledge that with YOU, all is possible. Even the heart of a wicked person can be softened and saved because you love all your children and give grace to those who will seek you and repent.

All of us here want to restore our marriages and make them become what you intended marriage to be. Some of us have done wrong and sinned against you, but have asked your forgiveness and see the wrongness of our ways. Some of us have had spouses that have done wrong, and need to have your strength within us to learn to forgive as you have forgiven us; some of us have spouses that may be continuing to do wrong, and we need your help in getting them to see that any way that is not your way, is the wrong way.

Lord please help us to look to you and then know that we can trust you to fix things for us in YOUR time, your perfect time, and not in ours. We realize that only true faith in YOU can bring us the restoration we so strongly desire for our marriages. Help us to hold our tongues when they may hurt our efforts, and learn to let YOU, our sweet Lord, do the fighting for us. Help us to remember that prayer can do wonders especially when we are praying IN YOUR WILL. Let us remember that when we get lonley, tearful, sad and depressed over our situations that help is only a prayer away, a Bible verse away. Help us to look first to YOU to solve our every need and desire and not to the world who wants to see it torn down, who wants us to rely on man and not upon God.

Lord we are not perfect like you, but we know that you love us and that you hate divorce, you hate adultery and you want marriages to succeed. Let us look to scripture to see what our roles are to be as husbands and wives. While the rest of the world takes the bible to be just some book of stories, let us remember that you intended the Bible to be our handbook to get through life, all answers can be found in your Holy Word. You are a God that does not lie. You are a God of truth. You are a God that can do anything! We must believe and trust that our prayers will be answered when it is the time that you decide they should be. Please help us as humans who are not perfect, to be strong and when we feel weak, when we feel the devil filling our minds with worry and trouble, stop and pray, and then read the Word and let not our hearts be troubled no more.

I pray for my brothers and sisters in Christ that came to this site and this thread in particular because they all know that the only way to a happy marriage is to seek Christ first and allow him to transform our sadness and sorrows into JOY that ONLY CHRIST can provide.

In Jesus name I pray.


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Prayer is a powerful way to save your troubled marriage. Believe in God that He will never leave you and your family and that He will never give you trials you cannot handle.

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