How Divorce Affects Children

Constant fighting with your spouse and a seemingly broken marriage can prompt you to think about separation or divorce. But what happens if you have children in your family? If you are considering getting a divorce and you have children, you might want to think about how they will be affected. Here are some aspects children and divorce that should be considered, as referred to from the Children and Divorce website.


Insecurity and Disillusion

Children may appear to be naturally resilient. At young ages, children seem to have the priorities of having playtime and loving their parents. But a divorce can also wreck their sense of security and cause disillusionment. Instead of knowing that they have two loving parents in one home, children will feel that something is missing when mommy or daddy is permanently out of the home. They know when the picture is no longer complete and may find other ways to compensate for the negative internal feelings. Children will also start to question lessons taught by mom and dad such as “we will always be together”, “always talk nicely to those you love” and “you can always work out an argument through talking”.

Blame

Kids can sometimes feel to be the blame of divorce, especially if they hear arguments over child-rearing activities. During separation periods, kids can feel they are the blame for custody arguments. And no matter what parents tell them, children may still feel deep on the inside that it is their fault.

Picking Sides

Children could also be forced to pick sides. Although some parents may never say it out loud, there are those who can create conflict in a child by having different priorities at each home. Parents who compete in a one-upsmanship game with the kids could create a mom versus dad conflict.

Friendship Circles

Friendship circles can be completely disrupted through divorce. Friends are often the rocks that children lean on and count on. Friends commonly seen when the families were together may never be seen again, especially if parents with primary custody move away. For children that are in a shared custody agreement, new friends must be made. Grandparents suffer from divorce, too. Children may not see the ex spouse’s grandparents if the parents relocate.

Should You Divorce?

The obvious answer is that there is no one true answer. Continuing to live in a marriage full of pain, lacking love and constant arguments could create an air of despair that children may not need to live in. But a divorce too soon where no effort was made to save the marriage could create the situations listed above. If your marriage is in trouble, consider taking every step possible to figure out if it can be saved before taking the permanent decision of divorce.

And wherever possible, take a united front in parenting for the sake of the kids. This means communicating and adhering to common bedtimes, disciplinary tactics and established routines agreed upon that will happen at both homes. Refrain from negatively discussing about one parent in front of the other. If an argument is to be had, have it away from their ears. Finally, don’t just remind your kids that divorce isn’t their fault; show them through love and building their confidence in you.


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Your children are most affected when divorce happened. If you can talk it through do it. Your children's lives matter most, they need both of you. Settle everything as long as you can. Divorce is not a solution to your problem.

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