12 Ways to Build Trust in your Relationship

Make sure that what you say is what you're saying.

It takes a lot to hold back some of your opinions sometimes. But when you hold back something important, your partner will see it in your body language. It's better to tell them what is upsetting you than for them to have to guess what you are trying to tell them and potentially guessing wrong.

Become more predictable

It's the sudden changes that can cause even the most calm and centered person to begin to question their partner. If you're doing something that might be perceived as 'out of your character,' realize that you might be causing suspicion. Try to keep your habits and actions fairly predictable so that your partner can assume that everything is okay when your patterns remain the same.

Be open about changes that you are making

But it's not fair to assume that you will be staying the same all of the time, so it's best to let your partner know when you are making changes that might seem radical. Starting a new exercise program or changing your overall look might be something that you will want to warn them about lest they think that you're primping and preparing your appearance for someone else.

Believe in your partner

A little faith in your partner will go a long way. When you want to build trust in a relationship, you will want to trust your partner as well to make decisions that benefit your relationship as well as your well-being. It isn't about thinking that your partner can do anything that they put their mind to, but it's about having the courage to say that you support your partner no matter what they want in their life.

Communicate your needs

What you need will go a long way to showing your partner how much you trust them. By allowing them to see what makes you happy, you are becoming vulnerable to them and to their reactions. They might not like what you've decided, though they probably will appreciate the fact that you are telling them what you need from them. Trusting them to listen and to respect these needs will help the favor to be returned.

Be an open book

Keeping secrets is probably one of the worst things you can do for a relationship. You need to be as open as possible in your marriage in order to show that you have nothing to hide. When you're open, your partner will also feel that they should be open enough to you as well. Small secrets are one thing gifts, surprises but when you start to keep some secrets, they might think that you're hiding other things as well.

Be yourself

You married the person that you are with because of who they are. When they start to act differently, that might make you question what is going on with them. When you want to rebuild the trust in your relationship, try to remember that you don't want to change or impress them, but you want to show them who you really are so that they can trust that person.

Have your own opinions

It's interesting that many people believe that agreeing with everyone will make them seem more trustworthy. But like 'yes men' in business, those that always agree seem to be lying some of the time. There's no need to disagree with others, but you should also have your own opinions once in a while.

Establish clear boundaries

Set up boundaries that might allow you to feel more trustful. If your spouse or partner is away, you might establish rules for talking to other women or let them know things that might make you uncomfortable. Share what you need to feel secure in your relationship and ask them to do the same.

Don't be afraid of success

Realize that you can have an open and honest relationship it's not impossible. Too many people dismiss the idea entirely and always look for things to be wrong however, this leads to distrust as well.

Communicate often

Take the time to talk with each other frequently so that you both know where the other one is at. This will allow you to feel as though there is nothing that you're not communicating to the other.

Take responsibility

If you keep a secret or lie, take responsibility for your blunder. People make mistakes, but owning up to them makes you better for it.




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Trust is hard to gain but you can definitely regain it if you show your partner that you deserve to have his trust once again.
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5 Ways to Solve Any Relationship Problem Continuation..

Continuation..

Here are a few examples of language choices that will get you nowhere fast:

* Using the words always and never. Saying something like, "You never help out around here!" will stop any reasonable discussion dead in its tracks. It sounds like you're exaggerating, and your partner will invariably be challenged to fight back in their defense. They'll probably respond with something like, "That's not true! Remember that time two weeks ago that I helped clean up the house and took the kids to school?" It turns into a "he said, she said" debate, and the real issue gets lost in the translation.

So catch yourself when you use words that imply absolutes. Using the above examples, it would be better to start off by saying, "I'd like to talk to you about your share of the workload," and "I'd really like it if you put me first -- sometimes I feel second to your friends, relatives and co-workers."

* Insults and name-calling. Some of us grew up believing that the more belligerent and loud we were, the more we'd command attention. Nothing could be further from the truth. Sure, this technique may intimidate and belittle your partner into compliance, but you'll also make them angry and resentful of your ways. They might not have the guts to tell you to your face, but they'll secretly feel that you're a jerk.

Every time you or your partner call each other "stupid" or an "idiot" or an even nastier slur, a little bit of your relationship gets destroyed in the process. On top of that, your original problem will get lost in a barrage of obscenities, and nothing gets solved. So if you're being insulted, the right move is to say, as calmly as you can, "I can't continue to talk to you right now if you're going to use that language," and then offer to pick up the conversation later when your partner has calmed down. If they continue to aggressively come at you, then you need to question whether you'll be able to stay in a relationship with someone who's that emotionally and verbally abusive.

* Saying "or else!" A lot of people I know love to tack this little threat at the end of a command -- for example, "You better do things my way, or else!" Apparently they feel as if their need will get met more quickly if there's a hint of some consequence. But the real question should be: "Or else what?" What will you really do if your partner ignores your request? How will you retaliate? The problem with this choice of words is that very few people respond favorably to a threat and will actually do the opposite just to show that they won't be coerced into a specific action. Your bluff may be called, and then what will you be prepared to do? If you back down, then your threat is meaningless.

Instead, think through your response very carefully and tell your partner, "Here's what I'm going to do if you don't respond to me." It's certainly okay to provide a consequence if your partner fails to correct a problem in the relationship, but that consequence needs to be well defined.

So how can you ensure that you'll actually get heard? There are better ways to communicate your desires, as shown by the following few examples that can apply to any relationship problem:

* "I'd like it if we could take some time today to talk about something that's really important to me."

* "I feel that this is a problem we can work on together."

* "This is really difficult for me to bring up, but I just want to tell you how I feel about..."

* "I just need you to listen and try to reserve judgment until I'm finished."

* "I'm just asking you to hear what I'm saying -- we don't have to fix the problem right this second."

Principle #3: You'll have more success by focusing on one issue at a time.

One of my biggest challenges during couples therapy is to keep the two people from veering off into too many directions at once. It's nearly impossible to analyze more than one major issue at a time, which is why problem solving often fails miserably. Recently my wife and I started to discuss some money-management issues, and before we knew it, we ended the conversation by debating the amount of time we spend together. We caught our mistake and got back to the topic of money, but it did take some effort.

Make a commitment to actively focus on one thing at a time. I know it sounds difficult, but the payoff will be well worth the extra effort. Be aware, though, that your partner may try to derail the discussion by veering onto another topic if things start to get heated -- it's a sneaky little tactic to shift the conversation when things aren't going so well. So every time you catch your partner avoiding the topic at hand, say, "Let's continue to deal with ___ now and get to ___ [the other issue] later."

Principle #4: Set the right stage for discussion and negotiation of the problem.

There's a correct time and place to work on your problems. Let's deal with place first.

I can't tell you the exact room of your house that will work best for you, but a good rule of thumb is that it should be a location that's both quiet and comfortable -- maybe it's your kitchen table or your den? It just shouldn't be in public or at a friend's home. Major discussions deserve to be held in a consistent, appropriate location. Forgetting to set the scene is a crucial blunder made by a lot of couples, so put some thought into this.
The right time for the negotiation is just as important as place. I believe that there are three important considerations in this area:

First, you must (and I can't stress the word must enough) point out a problem the very first time it arises. You'll have more leverage if you don't allow something to snowball into a pattern of behavior. Many people finally put their foot down when their partner has made a major mistake for about the 32nd time, but by then it's simply too late. The reality is this: The longer you allow your partner to get away with unacceptable behavior, the harder it will be to have any power to get them to stop. If you hold your tongue and just hope that your partner will change on their own, don't complain that you never get what you need.

Second, make sure that you have enough time available to thoroughly discuss the problem. Some of my patients will bring up an extremely important issue right before our time is up for the session and then get angry when I say that we have to stop. The same principle applies to your relationship: If you and your partner begin to argue just as you're leaving for work or getting ready to go out, then the discussion will be nonproductive. Alternately, if you put off the issue too long, you run the risk that the problem will never be solved. So set aside an appropriate length of time for a face-to-face meeting (notice that a phone conversation is generally not intimate enough).

Third, when you and your partner have been sitting there for hours still hammering away without a compromise, it may be time to call it quits for the time being and readdress the problem again later. When you both get tired and start to go 'round and 'round, it's acceptable to say, "How about if we agree to disagree for now and pick up our discussion later when we're both fresh?"

Principle #5: Say "I'm sorry" if you act in a disrespectful or hurtful way toward your partner.

This one is short and sweet. You're not perfect -- once in a while you may unintentionally (or intentionally) hurt your partner's feelings. You may say mean-spirited things in the heat of the moment that you immediately regret -- so swallow your pride, apologize and ask for forgiveness. By the same token, you should also expect an "I'm sorry" from your partner if your feelings were hurt by disrespectful behavior.

I know there's a chance that you had parents who abused each other and became overwhelmed by relationship problems, and I'll bet that they rarely said they were sorry for their actions. So be different -- become truly free in your relationship by admitting that you were wrong. Really value your partner, and don't let your relationship have an unhappy ending.

You're now armed with some very important negotiating and compromising skills to use in any disagreement; and by utilizing these techniques, you'll have much greater success in solving difficult relationship problems.




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Marriage is a sacred gift from God so we have to take care of it. There are absolutely numerous trials that will come in any marriage just be prepared and face it together.

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5 Ways to Solve Any Relationship Problem

Do you and your guy argue about where to go for dinner? Who left the cap off the toothpaste tube? Or is it something more serious like how to discipline your kids? No matter the problem, Dr. Kelly E. Johnson, author of The Relationship Problem Solver for Love, Marriage and Dating, can help you discover how to better communicate and come to a resolution. Read the following excerpt and discover five principles that will help you navigate your next argument -- and maybe even save your relationship.

Introduction: The Real Way to Solve a Relationship Problem

Here are several things that must happen for a relationship issue to be resolved:

Step 1 in solving a relationship conflict is always the commitment to stop yelling at and berating each other in the course of talking about the problem -- you must both agree to respect each other's opinions. Step 2 is actually identifying the issue and then telling your partner your specific complaint and how you feel. These two steps must be done first, or the process of negotiating some kind of compromise will be meaningless. When you're ready to move on to Step 3, there are several core principles that must be adhered to.

Principle #1: You and your partner should never keep a running tally of "wins" and "losses" in your negotiations.

Sadly this is one of the biggest mistakes that I see couples make. Believe me, most people won't admit this out loud, but they're keeping score internally, just waiting for the day they finally get to "win." When you hear your partner (or yourself) complain, "You always get your way. It's my turn now!" it's time to realize that score is being kept.

Why shouldn't you keep track of victories and losses so that over time things are evened up? It would only make sense to win an argument sometimes, and I'll grant you that your relationship should be an equal partnership. The problem with keeping score is that the win-loss record usually becomes the most important factor in resolving a dispute, rather than the need to figure out each issue on its own merit. A friend of mine once proudly told me that he'd gotten his way four times that week, compared to his wife getting her way only twice. He didn't care if he was right or wrong, just as long as he got in the last word and won the argument. Giving in for him meant that he was somehow "weak" and losing control. Although I thought he was completely insane (and I told him so), I tried to make him understand that this behavior would only serve to drive a wedge in his marriage and make his wife disgusted with his competitiveness.

Compromise is not a sign of personal weakness. It's really okay to let your partner come out on top sometimes. This can be an extremely hard thing to do, but challenge yourself to wipe the slate clean before you tackle a new relationship issue. If you're being hardheaded and are only interested in evening up the score, then you won't be able to see the problem clearly, and a very bad decision could be made that irreversibly harms your relationship.

Principle #2: The language you use toward your partner is critically important in determining the outcome of any problem.

Even though you may be right, you may not get your way if your method of communicating isn't effective. It will do you no good to put your partner on the defensive right away with accusatory language. When someone's being attacked, it's a natural defense mechanism for them to either fight back or retreat into a shell -- in either case, the problem won't be rationally solved.


Continuation on my next post..



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Define what is you problem, talk about it. Every problems can be solved by communicating with your spouse.

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Talking about money beforehand can save your marriage

Almost half of all marriages end in divorce. And divorce usually does heavy financial damage.

A substantial reduction of joint wealth accompanies the splitting up of property in a divorce. Then there's the draining cost of an additional residence and everything from furniture to furnishings that have to be replicated in a separate residence. On top of this, of course, there's legal fees and the drain of alimony and child support.

Disputes over money often create the animosity and tensions that are precursors to bitter marital discord leading to divorce. Can pre-marital money talk help avoid such potentially costly disputes?

Definitely – if honestly and seriously carried on.

The first and perhaps most difficult step is simply to talk about money, and talk honestly and seriously.

Among the topics of most importance are the prospective spouses' attitudes about credit. If one spouse thinks credit is there to be stretched to the maximum and the other thinks credit card balances are to be paid in full each month, a red flag should go up.

This difference in attitude, if it can't be honestly resolved, suggests that tensions and clashes are likely. On the other hand, if both prospective spouses think credit is to be used conservatively, credit harmony is likely.

Also important is who will control the couple's money. If each works, will each have a separate checking account and credit card and control the use of the separate checking account and credit card?

Or will all earnings go into a joint account? Or part separate accounts and part a joint account? Who will decide how the funds are spent? And if one of the prospective spouses makes more money than the other, or all of the money, should that spouse have a larger say in how the money is spent?

Discussing money control should naturally lead to a discussion of who will pay the bills. Sometimes the person wanting to pay the bills wants to do so to exercise control over spending. Other times that person just wants to take on the bill paying chore to be helpful. It's important to understand the motivation.

The bill-paying discussion should naturally lead to the question of who will be responsible for investment decisions. Is one of the prospective spouses more knowledgeable about investments than the other? Should all investment decisions be jointly made? How much risk is the couple willing to take? How much should they save each month?

This discussion of how money is controlled may reveal more than attitudes about money. It may reveal whether one of the prospective newlyweds will seek more control over the married life of the couple than the other feels comfortable with. Advance knowledge of this type of dominance issue may suggest a re-evaluation of the relationship that will avoid much future pain.

Pre-marital money talk isn't romantic like pillow talk. But both can be important for marital bliss.




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Money takes a big impact in any marriage. Talking about your finances, savings and expenses will make it lighter.

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Winning Back a Cheating Spouse to Save Your Marriage

If your spouse has cheated on you, your natural reaction would probably be a combination of anger, rage, disappointment, bitterness, retaliation, extreme sorrow, revenge and giving up. All these are negative. If you do any or all of them, you put your marriage at risk of ending. But how should you respond towards your cheating spouse?
The first thing to do is pray and pray fervently. Only God can change a human heart so appeal to Him to do so. Then take action. Whatever action is taken is with the objective of bringing your cheating spouse to repentance and ending the illicit relationship. Here are things you should NOT do.

Things You Should Not Do

Do not spy on your spouse. This invasion of privacy will only cause greater friction in your relationship. Do not condemn your spouse. A holier-than-thou attitude would drive him or her even further from you. Do not be pedantic over every little detail of your spouse's behavior. Demanding perfection from him does not give him room to fail and come back to you. Do not issue an ultimatum, either. Don't threaten your spouse with the usual, "You come back to me or else". He may just choose the 'or else' and your marriage is as good as over. Now let me share what you CAN do.

What You Can Do

At the same time, do not be taken advantage of or taken for granted. You have a right to press for commitment and loyalty from your spouse. You can ask him to account for his whereabouts and activities. But be sensitive in doing so. If you suspect an affair it is alright to ask for an explanation of his relationship with the third party. If there is admission, then set out a plan to restore your relationship. If there is no admission, just let things be for now. Do not confront or accuse your spouse of an affair without hard evidence. Acting as though you are ignorant is the best approach. The longer you act ignorant, the more evidence you may be able to gather. An admission may come later if you do things correctly now. Let's say it has become crystal clear that your spouse is cheating. What then?

If it is clear that your spouse is cheating and does not want to give up the relationship, you have to persuade him to do so. But the means by which you do that is important. What about leaving your spouse as a way of making him give up the relationship? Personally, I would not advise that unless there is physical abuse involved. But if it does not come to that, I feel it is important to remain in the home even though it is painful to watch your spouse having an affair. There are things you can do while you are still living under the same roof.

You can show your dissatisfaction and disapproval by what you do or don't do. For example, you can cook only for the children or sleep in separate rooms. If your spouse has enough sense to see how this affects your relationship and more so how it affects the children, it should cause him to re-think his relationship with the third party. But if you leave him, you lose any opportunity to influence him to give up his relationship. Here are some practical steps I suggest you take.
Practical Steps To Take

If at all possible, have a heart-to-heart talk with your spouse. Discuss the earliest time when you sense something went wrong with your relationship. Find out in what way your relationship changed. This is to pinpoint the root causes for the breakdown in your relationship. Once these root causes are found, help one another to remove them. But be careful of one thing, though.

Do not only highlight the changes your spouse needs to make. YOU must be willing to change first. Ask your spouse what changes about YOURSELF he or she feels you should make and then make the changes as far as you can for the sake of your spouse. Then only can you expect your spouse to change himself or herself. Re-live the way you used to in the past that brought you both much joy. Re-ignite the feelings you once had for each other. Re-connect by communicating with one another in fresh new ways. But don't only redo the past good things.

Try new things together. As long as they are either new or interesting or innovative and enjoyable, it's worth a try doing it as a couple or a family. The purpose is to re-discover the excitement of being a couple or a family. Here are some suggestions.

Do you have small children? Try something fun together. Throw a costume party, a treasure hunt, a family outing, a friendly competition (father and daughter versus mother and son), a family quiz etc. Children have a special ability to draw parents close together.

Do you have common interests? Indulge in it together. Go to a music festival, paint something together, visit art galleries, watch movies, share jokes, cook dishes together, do a common project, get involved in community work together etc. The aim is to spend quality fun times that will bring you closer together. All these activities are great, but let's not forget the way you behave towards one another daily. It's important there is some change in that also. Here's what I mean.

Put in what may be missing in your relationship. It may be mutual support or affirmation or encouragement or understanding or quality time together. You may not have outwardly appreciated your spouse enough. Then find ways to do so. You may never have given him reason to feel proud of himself. Encourage him in his achievements or whatever is important to him. Maybe you may not have boosted his ego often enough. If so, then lavish him with praise. Wife, believe me, your husband THRIVES on praise and well-deserved strokes of his ego, so be sure to tell and show him how great a guy he is. For sure you need to ignore his faults. Focus on his strengths. This is one sure way to win back his heart. And here's another sure way.

Be sure to speak one another's love language. If your husband responds to physical touch, caress him or touch him. If he likes words of encouragement, speak encouragement often to him. If he is the type that responds to acts of service, then be pro-active and do things for him. Likewise if it is quality time, spend the time and lastly if he responds best to giving gifts, make sure you surprise him often with gifts. In time, he will inevitably reciprocate the same to you. This is how you make each other feel good. I have written a FREE report, "Practical Tips on Improving Your Marriage" that you can download from http://www.savemarriagestoday.com.
Conclusion
It is never easy to deal with a cheating spouse. Doing all the above may take time and effort, but if done correctly would make your cheating spouse willingly break off the relationship with the third party. That is the ultimate goal in saving your marriage. After more than 20 years as a minister counseling couples facing marital problems, I sincerely desire that your marriage succeeds and brings you much happiness and blessedness.




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It's not easy to bring back the trust you have for your spouse who cheats on you. For me, the best remedy to save your marriage is to forgive.

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Dealing With Marriage Crisis

A marriage is not a bed of roses and even if it were, roses also have thorns. Getting into a marriage with a mind-set that you will not get any trouble can only be termed as suicidal. In fact, marriage is just the beginning of problem. But we can not run away from problems and crisis. We have the responsibility to ensure that ensure that the things that happen to us are beneficial and avoid being victims of circumstances. How can this be done?

Majority of marriage problems may be bigger in scope than you can ever imagine. What you are seeing as the problem may not be the actual problem and so you need to adjust your mind early and get to the root cause. This means that you need to go into the problem having already set to handle the worst.

There are no secrets in this world and both parties to the marriage must be ready to disclose all the material facts. This means that everyone must have the willingness to solve the problem by getting into its root cause. Be informed that if you try to suppress any information during a crisis, it will eventually be disseminated and the other party will see it as lack of faithfulness.

Most crisis end officially with the settlement of some kind and this must be accompanied by a sacrifice from one or both parties. After the crisis come the clean up, clean up means change and often accompanied by promises.




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There's no secret to a perfect marriage. Every relationship encounters hardship, misunderstanding, crisis etc. Just talk about your problem and try to solve it as early as you can.

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Tips on How To Rejuvenate Your Marriage

Is your marriage one that makes you unhappy, full of stress and you get the feeling that it has been a mistake? It is a very well known fact nowadays that about 50% of marriages end up in divorce, so you would not be an exception, but you do not have to be part of that sad statistic. Commitment to rejuvenate marriage is a worthy goal and if you and your partner are committed you can reach a new rejuvenated marriages filled with love and happiness.

Studies have show that the most common shortcoming in failed marriages is the lack of communication. How can you expect your partner to know what pleases you and what upsets you. When you married you did not marry a mind reader who knows exactly what you like, how and when you like it. This fortifies the premise that communication is the number one requirement to rejuvenate your marriage.

Saving your marriage or improve the depth of your relationship will bring you the end result you had envisioned when you entered into matrimony. The marriage partners experience several changes in lifestyle various strains and if not addressed when they occur can lead to a growing apart of the couple. Be open and clear with your partner, share your thoughts and feelings so that your partner will have no doubt in your sincerity and desire to reach a new understanding and a rejuvenated marriage with passionate love that you once experienced.
Communicating candidly and honestly reduces the possibility that someone feels deceived or misinformed and could certainly help build up your marriage relationship significantly.
To get to a higher, more intense form of communication, a new dimension, one that is practiced by only a few people, must be added to the process.

In addition to just talking (instructing), listening (learning) to the other must be practiced and make a priority. That is taking note of what is being said by your partner, how often is a word repeated, what importance seems to be given to certain thoughts and suggestions. Good listening is not only hearing what is said, but also analyzing what was not said but implied through careful phrasing and lastly by reading the body language of your partner.

Even though the above suggestions will have to be practiced during the course of every day it would greatly help when you boost this by setting aside some time for serious discussions with your partner. Find a quiet place where you cannot be disturbed and if you have young children get a babysitter and go out to a private place.
If that is not practical, at least choose a time when you will have the least amount of distractions. Wait until the children are in bed, turn off your cell phones, and take your phone off the hook. An untimely phone call could ruin the moment and cause you to lose momentum. This quality discussion time is fundamental to a good marriage and should be given the proper reverence.

If your marriage is not what you have been looking for start listening and play close attention and try to uncover the real desires of your partner. Ask questions and be sure that what you think you understand from the discussions is what your partner’s real innermost desires are. If this seems to be unusual and embarrassing, remember you are talking to your best friend with the objective to become more closely connected and move forward to a new rejuvenated marriage.




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Every couple experiences difficulties in their marriage. It' normal that sometimes your husband and wife upsets you, always think on the brighter side. Communication is the best solution, talk on your differences and your problems with each other.
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Tips To Save Your Marriage By Creating Intimacy

When your marriage is on the rocks you must believe that there are proven ways to save it from ending in divorce. If you easily give up and don't think that what you can do can make a world of difference then it will most likely fail. Right now, everything is possible and you can definitely save your marriage.

A common missing ingredient for marriages in trouble is a lack of intimacy. For a marriage to be happy there must be a level of intimacy that goes beyond the physical and wholeheartedly embraces the emotional. Ask yourself this, does my marriage suffer from a lack of intimacy?

Do you share your thoughts and feelings with your spouse? Or maybe you like to deal with things on your own and don't openly discuss the issues that you have in your relationship. If you put a wall between you and your spouse emotionally, then your marriage suffers from a lack of intimacy and you need to bring it back so you can fix what is missing.


Be sure to make an effort to share your problems and uncertainties with your partner. Most people are troubled and anxious with certain situations. They would rather keep it to themselves and don't involve their spouse when in fact this could be detrimental to the marriage in the future.

Remember, spouses can very easily sense when something is wrong and if you exclude them, they quickly begin to feel shut out and redundant and that's when hurt can quickly find its way into a marriage.

A good way to bring back intimacy into your marriage is to make time for each other. In these modern times there are a lot of things you can do to strengthen your relationship. If you dont allot time for one another, then dont expect your relationship to last. Don't be surprised if you wake up one day to find out that your marriage is over because you were too busy with building you career and taking care of the kids.


If you are determined to keep your marriage from failing then you have to make sure you spend quality time with your spouse and marriage. Try an unplanned fun date with your spouse by taking the afternoon off. Your partner realizes that they mean a lot to you because you went to such extents of changing your daily routine just to include them. You should start to see some improvements in your marriage.

Maintaining a certain level of intimacy in a marriage should be a work in progress. Don't think that things will work out naturally even you have issues that needs to be addressed. A marriage that is always full of intimacy can definitely continue to flourish.




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Keeping the spark after so many years being together is a common problem that couples encountered in their marriage. It's up to you on how to make that intimacy stay in your marriage, talk about it and just enjoy each other.

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10 minutes that may save your marriage

When you have kids, you can get so caught up with trying to keep them organized that it is easy forget to take time for both yourself and your partner.  This makes it easy to lose touch with your partner, or let things you might have argued about go unresolved.  These unresolved issues tend to build up over time, and when they bubble to the surface, the result is an even greater argument and distancing from your partner.

There is a solution that is easy to write on paper (or virtual paper), but difficult to put into practice.  You have to be strict and determined with this one, and make a point of doing it every day.

What is it?

The solution is to spend at least ten minutes of one-on-one time with your partner every single day.  That’s right, ten minutes, every single day.  One-on-one.  Meaning, no kids, no distractions, maybe a glass of wine.  These ten minutes will work wonders for you and could save your marriage.

This is easier said than done.  If you have kids, they will need to play alone or with each other during this time.  If you have a baby, you will probably need to spend this time together when the baby is napping.

Your kids will need to understand that they cannot interrupt you during this time either.  This is “Mommy and Daddy Time.”  The kids get your attention all day, hopefully they can last 10 minutes out of the entire day without it.

What do you do in these ten minutes?

During these ten minutes, you give each other your undivided attention.  Try and relax, talk to each other about your day and understand one another.  Discuss what is on your mind or discuss any arguments that you had that might have gone unresolved (don’t start the argument all over again, but try to understand from each other what caused the argument and what you can each do better next time).

What is important is that you are there for each other, you are paying attention to each other and you are communicating with each other!

If you do this every day, you will find that you understand each other better and will feel closer to one another.  If you do this early in the evening, you will find that you will tend to be more relaxed throughout the evening and better able to deal with each other, the kids, and any issues that might arise.

Try and keep it regular and on schedule.  If you start skipping times, you will lose the rhythm and it will be hard to get started again.  It may not always be possible, but try and spend this time together as often as you possibly can.  You will definitely see the benefits of it.




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That's true, most of the time we forget to have time for our husband and wife. Taking 10 minutes of your time will make a difference in your marriage.

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How to Decide if Your Marriage is Worth Saving

If your marriage is in trouble it's time to take an honest look as to why. Can the problems be worked out or is it time to consider ending the marriage? How do you decide if your marriage is worth saving?

How to Decide if Your Marriage is Worth Saving
Step 1

Recognize physical or emotional abuse. Physical abuse is easy to recognize. The one question to ask yourself is, "Am I afraid of my spouse?" If the answer is yes, it is time to end the marriage. Many choose to ignore or do not recognize emotional abuse. Some common signs of emotional abuse are constant criticism, berating, insulting, treating as inferior or a servant, demanding gratitude and isolation from family and friends. Anything that makes you feel bad about yourself on a regular basis can be considered emotional abuse.

If you have an abusive spouse that is unwilling to seek help, you can only expect the abuse to get worse. It is time to end the marriage. Don't wait until it's too late. The National Domestic Violence Hotline, 800-799-7233 (ndvh.org)offers referrals and advice.
Step 2

Acknowledge infidelity. Many couples are able to work through the feelings of betrayal that an affair brings. If you or your spouse feel that over time this transgression can be forgiven then your marriage is worth saving. If not, it is probably better to end the marriage.

Step 3

Question your true feelings and answer them honestly to yourself. Are you still in love with your spouse or are you in love with the idea of marriage? Do you enjoy being with your spouse or does time together leave you irritated, depressed or wishing you were alone or somewhere else? Do you respect your spouse and feel supportive in values and beliefs?
Step 4

Connect problems that recur. A pattern of fighting over trivial matters, disagreeing about everything, cruel teasing, refusal to work on major issues, an unwillingness to compromise and always bringing up past hurts indicates that there are some serious problems in the marriage that may be beyond repair.

Step 5

Measure the intimacy in your marriage. Intimacy is defined as a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person. Does this describe how you feel toward your spouse or do you try to avoid affection and personal contact?

Step 6

Inspect other relationships to see if the problems in your marriage are affecting how you relate to others and how you do your job. If others get a sense of sadness, moodiness, frustration, anger, fear, inattentiveness or impatience from you it might be time to end the marriage.

Step 7

Appraise your own health. How is your stress level? Are you sleeping well? Eating properly? Exercising regularly? Attending to personal hygiene as you once did? If the problems in your marriage are having an effect on your personal health it might be time to end it.
Step 8

Seek counsel if you and your spouse have come to a point where you can no longer communicate. Sometimes an outsider can offer perspectives on problems that seem hopeless.
Step 9

Determine to give your all to your marriage for a designated period of time. Make your best effort and really try to improve your marriage. If at the end of this time you still feel hopeless, you will have a feeling of closure knowing you did your best to save the marriage.




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Every marriage is worth saving. It's not too late to save yours. Communicate with your husband and wife, talk about your problems and differences. Stay calm.

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