Talking about money beforehand can save your marriage

Almost half of all marriages end in divorce. And divorce usually does heavy financial damage.

A substantial reduction of joint wealth accompanies the splitting up of property in a divorce. Then there's the draining cost of an additional residence and everything from furniture to furnishings that have to be replicated in a separate residence. On top of this, of course, there's legal fees and the drain of alimony and child support.

Disputes over money often create the animosity and tensions that are precursors to bitter marital discord leading to divorce. Can pre-marital money talk help avoid such potentially costly disputes?

Definitely – if honestly and seriously carried on.

The first and perhaps most difficult step is simply to talk about money, and talk honestly and seriously.

Among the topics of most importance are the prospective spouses' attitudes about credit. If one spouse thinks credit is there to be stretched to the maximum and the other thinks credit card balances are to be paid in full each month, a red flag should go up.

This difference in attitude, if it can't be honestly resolved, suggests that tensions and clashes are likely. On the other hand, if both prospective spouses think credit is to be used conservatively, credit harmony is likely.

Also important is who will control the couple's money. If each works, will each have a separate checking account and credit card and control the use of the separate checking account and credit card?

Or will all earnings go into a joint account? Or part separate accounts and part a joint account? Who will decide how the funds are spent? And if one of the prospective spouses makes more money than the other, or all of the money, should that spouse have a larger say in how the money is spent?

Discussing money control should naturally lead to a discussion of who will pay the bills. Sometimes the person wanting to pay the bills wants to do so to exercise control over spending. Other times that person just wants to take on the bill paying chore to be helpful. It's important to understand the motivation.

The bill-paying discussion should naturally lead to the question of who will be responsible for investment decisions. Is one of the prospective spouses more knowledgeable about investments than the other? Should all investment decisions be jointly made? How much risk is the couple willing to take? How much should they save each month?

This discussion of how money is controlled may reveal more than attitudes about money. It may reveal whether one of the prospective newlyweds will seek more control over the married life of the couple than the other feels comfortable with. Advance knowledge of this type of dominance issue may suggest a re-evaluation of the relationship that will avoid much future pain.

Pre-marital money talk isn't romantic like pillow talk. But both can be important for marital bliss.




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Money takes a big impact in any marriage. Talking about your finances, savings and expenses will make it lighter.

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