Steps to Saving Your Marriage Alone
(1) Release Control. Let go. Stop Criticism. Stop nagging. Stop pleading. Also stop declaring your undying love to him.
You will find that the more you nag and plead, the more you energetically drive the person away. Begging, pleading, desperation, neediness and criticism belong to the category of weak attractor energy patterns, they are forceful and force repels. Power attracts. Your inner power attracts.
Also people respond to emotions and not logic. Think about it. He has already made up his mind emotionally not to stay, convincing him logically to do so will not work.
What you need to do is this:
Listen passively to whatever he is saying and agree with it totally. Say, “Yes, I can see where you are coming from.” Simply agree. What you are really doing is verbal Aikido.
See, in Aikido, you encounter the greatest path of resistance is when you oppose someone directly. When you go along with their energy by agreeing, you dispel the energy. Their aggressive energy gets dissipated, while you remain in your center. Can you remember a time when you called up customer service to complain about a dodgy product? When they explained to you how you were wrong, did it not make you more angry? On the other hand, when they agreed with you and let you vent out your frustration, weren’t you in a better frame of mind to listen to what they had to say afterwards?
Next, you say that you respect his decision to part ways and that his happiness is important to you. This is a great way to show unconditional love. Realize that you are now “parting” on good terms. Your husband is parting with a wife that is unconditional in their love. This memory is going to stick with him.
Let them go on their own way, as you want to give them time to miss you. From now on withdraw all your wifely duties from your husband. Do not iron their clothes, wash and cook for them. This is about your self-respect. You are merely respecting his wishes by not interfering in his world as his wife anymore. This will also allow him to miss your “services”. However maintain your center in God. Do not go, “Ha, see what you are missing now!” It is all these good qualities in you that he is going to think about later.
Listen but do not place any value to the words,
“I am not in love with you.”
“I want to be with X. It is X that I love. I want to marry her.” Or any other variations thereof.
From this instance you are centered on God, not on appearances that are not of love.
Also, giving him space will give you time to focus to re-evaluate what you want for yourself and your marriage.
(2) Surrender your marriage in its current state to a higher power.
Recognize that there is a power greater than you that can give strength to rebuild your marriage. Connect to Spirit.
I know what you are thinking. Surrendering to spirit means giving up and losing control of your life, right? If that is what you are thinking, then you don't know what surrendering to Spirit is about. In fact it holds an often overlooked secret in saving your marriage. I have written an entire article on unlocking the secret to surrendering your marriage to Spirit.
(3) Decide on what you want (a) for yourself and (b) your marriage.
This is about focusing on solutions, rather than problems. Do you know the difference between problem thinking and outcome thinking? So many people are fixated on solving their marriage problems. They put so much energy and attention to their marriage problems, that eventually keep expanding because that is what they are focusing on and they wonder why they are not getting anywhere.
Working towards a solution is about investing energy and attention towards what you want for your marriage rather than what you don't want, ie your problems. It helps you focus on what you intend to see beyond marriage reconciliation horizon.
Many people write to me at great length about how they hate the other woman, how he is having sex with the other woman. They write about their fears. All that is understandable. However, when they invest their energy into how good it is for him and this other women, they are indeed manifesting relationship success for the other women. Also, they are manifesting their fears. Are you sabotaging your own marriage without realizing it? - Watch how you are activating the law of attraction in your marriage.
I show you how to put your focus in solving your marriage problems here.
Also, as I have discussed before, power attracts - your inner power attracts. Regain it. Inner power comes from regaining your self esteem and self confidence.
" I'm a diamond 'growing' through some uncomfortable changes right now. The fiery process will burn away things, people, habits and beliefs I no longer need to hold on to. The polishing will make me shine with wisdom, faith, courage, peace and victory over my circumstances.
In spite of the pain from the cutting of the diamond within me, I will get better not bitter because something great is about to happen in my life. I will stay in the Light...because I am precious in God's sight." -- Jewel Diamond Taylor
A few more tips written for women who are saving marriage alone.
- Integrate Spirit into your marriage saving solution. Do not try to be superwoman and do it all alone. Memorize this statement: "God will not intervene in my life, unless asked." I am not making all of this up - I got all the information after researching extensively on Near Death Experience reports - there is some information that is consistent and this is one of them.
- See how prayer works in saving your marriage
- How you can co-create your marriage with Spirit
- When your husband withholds his love, rely on Spirit to fulfill your emotional needs.
- Do not be deterred by appearances that are not of love coming from your husband. Your focus is faith in the Divine and not on appearances that are not of love.
- Do not try to reform your husband by preaching to him. Accept him as he is. Do your co-creation work with Spirit in the background.
- Live one day at a time.
- Do not ask for family and friends for advice. Pay no attention to what his friends are telling him to do either.
- Do what you can legally to delay the divorce.
- Do not badmouth your husband behind his back. Your negative vibrations will get to him.
- Do not manipulate your children to take your side.
--------
If you have the heart and goal to save your marriage you can do it! It's not easy what you'll be going through, just be patient and believe that you can surpass it all.
Resources of How To Save Your Marriage
No comments:
Post a Comment