As humans, we are bound to have differences either in opinion, utterance, or actions. We view issues from different perspectives as a result of our different orientations, society, exposure, skills, knowledge, upbringing, family background etc. These individual differences may lead our marriage into divorce if not properly managed.
The menace of individual differences in marriage may come in the following forms:
1) The stubborn adherence to one's own opinion or position on the part of one or both partners on a particular issue. This will lead to defending this position or opinion, prevailing on other to accept it or holding it against them, thereby carrying out discussion in a contentious manner in order to gain upper hand.
2) Dissension: This is when a dispute becomes severe and harsh, when the only concern of each partner in the marriage is getting better than the other. There is no concern for finding out the truth or clarifying what is right.
To therefore guide couples against these aforementioned menace and lead them towards the path of effectively managing individual opinion differences in marriage, the following must be first properly understood:
- If differences of opinion operates in a healthy framework, it would enrich each partner and stimulate intellectual development. It would help to expand perspectives and help look at problems and issues in their wider and deeper ramifications and with greater precision and thoroughness.
- If intentions are sincere, differences of opinion could bring about greater awareness of the various possible aspects and interpretations of issues.
On understanding this, couples should take advantage of their opinion differences instead of allowing it to split their marriage. To actualize this, each partner must have the following ethics:
PATIENCE Patience in relating with others is something that is difficult. However, it cannot be compromised if couples must stay together. There is need for patience in convincing the other partner about a particular view point, patience at the face of provocation from one's partner, patience on the part of a partner in carrying out a responsibility allotted by the marriage bond, patience in calling others to action.
Patience with oneself is also very important. Each partner must know his/her self in matter of strength and weaknesses and learn how to overcome the weaknesses. This will help not to stick to extreme positions where there are easier options so as to carry the other partner along.
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE Love comes in different forms such as the romantic love, Hollywood-style love etc. The type of love needed in this case is the unconditional love. It is the type of love that holds the relationship when the romantic, Hollywood-style love is gone. Once the romantic love is gone you make the transition to "real" love. Real love is love you have for your partner despite the knowledge that they are not perfect. You know your partner has faults and makes mistakes sometimes, but that's okay. You still love them. This is unconditional love.
The same thing applies to you however in looking at your partner's faults. You acknowledge that you are the same. You have faults, not perfect and make mistakes sometimes, but that's okay. That's called self-acceptance, and you expect unconditional love to overcome the faults and imperfections.
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For me acceptance and understanding are the key to mend individual differences. Saving a marriage is a difficult situation in life but I guess if we try to accept each others differences it could work out.
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